Joke thread
- Thread starter Purple-Days
- Start date
Relaxed
This Space For Rent
Martha recently lost her husband.....
She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he
was in, she poured him out on the patio table.
Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him:
"Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the
insurance money!"
She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said;
"Herman remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the
insurance money!"
Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the
ashes she said:
"Herman, that diamond ring you promised me ... bought that too, with the
insurance money!"
Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said:
"Herman, remember that blow job I promised you? Here it comes".
She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he
was in, she poured him out on the patio table.
Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him:
"Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the
insurance money!"
She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said;
"Herman remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the
insurance money!"
Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the
ashes she said:
"Herman, that diamond ring you promised me ... bought that too, with the
insurance money!"
Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said:
"Herman, remember that blow job I promised you? Here it comes".
4everpushingaboulder
Well-Known Member
Family of four walks into a vape shop.
Dad, Mom, Son, and a Daughter walk up to the Manager and the Dad says, we’d like a job selling vapes. We are a whole family team. And you won’t believe how great we are.
Manager says, ‘well I gotta see this, what’s your gimmick?’
So right away the Dad reaches into his Daughter’s purse and pulls out a Milaana and a bong. Grabs a BCG out of his wife’s bra and the son pulls a bag of Skywalker OG out of his pants.
The Mom pulls a Mighty out from under her skirt loads up some Blue Dream for the son, who is now feeding the Daughter a whip from a Mega globe with a Qaroma in it.
As soon as the Mom has a free hand she’s back into the bra for an Anvil and and a Blazer torch. And she starts screaming at the top of her lungs ‘This thing is like dabbing flower’.
The Son can’t take it anymore and he pulls out a DTV5 and gram of wax and starts using it to fill up the balloon from a Volcano.
Just as the whole act is coming to a fever pitch the father pulls the AVB out of all the devices and they each take a giant bite with a scoop of peanut butter.
The Manager is just flabbergasted and doesn’t know what to say, so he practically gasps out the words ‘What in the heck do you call this act?’
The Father stands up, as his family snaps to attention behind him and says stoically, ‘The Aristocrats’.
RIP Bob Saget
Dad, Mom, Son, and a Daughter walk up to the Manager and the Dad says, we’d like a job selling vapes. We are a whole family team. And you won’t believe how great we are.
Manager says, ‘well I gotta see this, what’s your gimmick?’
So right away the Dad reaches into his Daughter’s purse and pulls out a Milaana and a bong. Grabs a BCG out of his wife’s bra and the son pulls a bag of Skywalker OG out of his pants.
The Mom pulls a Mighty out from under her skirt loads up some Blue Dream for the son, who is now feeding the Daughter a whip from a Mega globe with a Qaroma in it.
As soon as the Mom has a free hand she’s back into the bra for an Anvil and and a Blazer torch. And she starts screaming at the top of her lungs ‘This thing is like dabbing flower’.
The Son can’t take it anymore and he pulls out a DTV5 and gram of wax and starts using it to fill up the balloon from a Volcano.
Just as the whole act is coming to a fever pitch the father pulls the AVB out of all the devices and they each take a giant bite with a scoop of peanut butter.
The Manager is just flabbergasted and doesn’t know what to say, so he practically gasps out the words ‘What in the heck do you call this act?’
The Father stands up, as his family snaps to attention behind him and says stoically, ‘The Aristocrats’.
RIP Bob Saget
The Stray Fox
Separated from the group
Relaxed
This Space For Rent
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, “I’ve never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?”
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, “I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, ‘bang, bang’ and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?”
The 90-year-old said, “I’d say somebody else shot that beaver.”
The doctor replied, “My point exactly.”
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, “I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, ‘bang, bang’ and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?”
The 90-year-old said, “I’d say somebody else shot that beaver.”
The doctor replied, “My point exactly.”
florduh
Well-Known Member
I love it when jokes literally come to life. You're seeing it more and more.
The Stray Fox
Separated from the group
Vitolo
Vaporist
More info needed.
