A woman was speeding on the turnpike when she got pulled over by a statie. When he approached the car, the woman rolled down her window, saying "I bet you're trying to sell me tickets to the policemen's ball." "Ma'am," the trooper replied, "the state police don't have any balls." The trooper then flipped his ticket book closed, tipped his hat, and walked away.
The king wanted to go fishing and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours. The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain.
So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way they met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and the king asked the man if the fish were biting.
The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm."
The king replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him."
So the king continued on his way. However, in a short time a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked.
Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the meteorologist. Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of royal forecaster.
The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."
So the king hired the donkey.
And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential positions of government.
Had a great evening vaping at my friends place yesterday.
Wife just overheard me on the phone.
"Dude, thanks again for last night! Those were the best buds i've had in years, i can still taste'em on my lips!"
Me to the wife: "Hey, that chicken tastes... uhm, how to say?..."
The wife, whilst munching on her veggie burger: "Hilarious?"
Me again: "Why would one say that?"
The wife: "Well, it smelled funny already before i cooked it yesterday so i figured..."