Fuck years long relationships.. Everytime one ends, i feel like a part of me is amputated and i am left invalid,thrown down the pit ,having to climb back for months/years before i feel normal again and only to get tricked for one more spin on the wheel... Fuck me for feeling so comfortable at my position and that i let everything go down.. My mind tries to see blame in other people,but it is really me that pulls the trigger,makes wrong choices and in the end fucks it up... I should invest more in myself,get my body better,so my mind can follow,but i just had a small knee injury and it is forcing me to rest ,when i want to just empty my energy somewhere, so i can get a sleep.. Also fuck me for being a lazy ass.. Not that i was a ever a true Rambo,especially after my long recovery after a dental bone implant (almost an year) ,but i could do 50 pushups,double that in presses and at least 20 pick ups on a ramp and i fought hard for it, now i can barely make 10 - 20 - 2 series.. my body has gotten so weak,during those comfort times.. Fuck also the fucking Rona for making me even more asocial and unwilling to go out... for seeing danger on everystep,for being afraid to even see my old folks ,so i dont get them killed.
This world is full of shit, i really hope it ends and the new one begins ASAP !