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Collecting cow farts

Discussion in 'ABV' started by OF, Dec 12, 2015.

  1. OF

    OF Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    17,876
    Location:
    Left Coast
    Not the sort of project I normally seek out, but if you insist the only scheme I can come up with requires some cooperation from the cow. Tell you what I'll distract the cow while you insert the collection hose?

    OF
     
  2. Gourmet

    Gourmet Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    137
    I rather thought, to filter the air in a cowshed. ;)
     
  3. Mr Mellish

    Mr Mellish Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,001
    Where is your sense of adventure?
     
  4. OF

    OF Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    17,876
    Location:
    Left Coast
    For a hopefully brief serious aside, methane is now harvested in 'digesters' (the round above ground tanks you see at sewage treatment plants), from composting cow (and other) dung (often by simply putting a tarp over it and a pump on a hose under the tarp), and from wells over former land fills. Our local landfill not only fuels it's fleet now but also I understand has started to sell it by generating electricity and selling that to the grid. A lot of methane also collects on the ocean floor in places, perhaps mining that will someday be practical. Stuff comes up like ice that burns.

    Serious mode off, let the fun resume.

    OF
     
  5. Gourmet

    Gourmet Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    137
    We have a few biomass-power-plant in our region and the trend for renewable energy is big, especially in germany, but also in switzerland. The negativ (or at least the questinable) aspect of this development is, that the farmers produce corn for the biomass-powerplant rather than for food, because they become more money.. and therefore we must import more corn (or other agricultural products) from overseas. And often it is genetically manipulated corn instead of "natural" based genetic. So, it is a double-edged sword. We gasify our natural farm products and in exchange we eat some gen-tech-food. :huh:


    I prefere defenitly other adventures. :D
     
  6. OF

    OF Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    17,876
    Location:
    Left Coast
    Same here. Takes a LOT of water and a huge lot of fertilizer to grow. Some calculations also say it's a net loss because of that (considering the energy to produce and deliver the water and fertilizer). It also generates a lot of glycerine, much of which ends up in water and causes 'plant pollution' in what were once clear waterways. Even Al Gore admits it was a mistake, but too much is invested politically to back off.

    The truly sad part is a starving world is watching us fuel our cars with corn they'd love to have to feed their children. Not a good image.

    OF
     
  7. Gourmet

    Gourmet Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    137
    Yes, we have to be true, however we "produce" energy, it has an impact to the nature.

    In 100 years we will have sport competitions with bycycle-racers and the winner will be this equipe, that produce the most electricity on home trainers with generators. :D
     
    phattpiggie and SSVUN~YAH like this.
  8. OF

    OF Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    17,876
    Location:
    Left Coast
    Too all reading this,

    I did not start this thread, am deeply offended by the implication that I did and apologize for the title and topic.

    This was a random discussion taken out of context from the Vapman thread. The subject suggested by another Member. I simply responded to his post there, which I now regret for the obvious reason.

    I assume this was done by a Mod, not myself. I am in no way suggesting such collection and would never have used such a term in the title. Please accept my apology for my part in this. it is definitely not about collecting cow f***s, something I don't do nor endorse. Nor am at all happy with my 'name' in the title. Please don't plan any trips to join me in this venture.......

    Thank you. And once again, I'm sorry if you're offended.

    OF
     
    CarolKing, phattpiggie, Morty and 3 others like this.
  9. His_Highness

    His_Highness In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king

    Messages:
    2,058
    Offended? I came into the thread looking for the sign-up sheet ;)
     
    phattpiggie, DDave, Pipes and 2 others like this.
  10. OF

    OF Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    17,876
    Location:
    Left Coast
    Great, maybe we can hire a limo and make it a party. Pick you up at the airport?

    The offense I fear is it's in a public title. We have women about as well as strangers not involved with the thread it started in.......IMO not the right place for vulgar language that really serves no positive purpose.

    Let me know when your flight gets in.

    OF
     
  11. dorkus_molorkus

    dorkus_molorkus Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,248
    So, does 'collecting cow farts' mean like collecting coins, pokemon- 'gotta catch em all' or rare wine even?

    You know, 'this is my Fresian No5 or my jersey brown from downtown, would you like a sample' type of thing?


    Or is it a volume based operation where we harvest large amounts from like a whole herd and then onsell it to the highest bidder?

    Cause I can do both.

    Or we can also do tours for the connoisseur. We can let tourists loose into the field and they can harvest their own to take home and consume later.

    I even have a great idea for those that want to eat off the vine so to speak.

    Im a massive advocate of 'cupcaking'. Its a technique I utilise all the time when out and about.

    Its the mobile equivilent of the timeless 'dutch oven' technique where you hold the covers overs your partners head in bed right after farting under said covers.

    ah yes, the muffled cries of protest & dry retching of Mrs Dorkus from under the covers sure does bring back fond memories of my honeymoon. Good times.

    Well cupcaking is brilliant for out and about spousal bonding sessions in public.

    All you have to do is, as you fart into yr own cupped hand, you look into yr victims/ loving partners eyes and ask, ' cupcake?' Dont wait for the answer and then thrust yr hand up to their face the millisecond after you just farted into it.

    Im pretty sure we can tweak that technique to cater for tourists in the field.

    Or I got some volcano bags & a valve or 2 somewhere. Perhaps some sort of cow/ bag connector would be in order?

    [​IMG]
    Now we can see the not so happy look on the cows face?
    This is allieviated by her bringing flowers, wine, dinner and going dancing. Followed by a long walk on the beach.



    And then there are the hardcore purists, who really like to obtain the freshest available.

    We call these the 'bovine spelunkers.'

    [​IMG]
    If we kept watching her, she inserts a big straw and huffs from that. But, I hate to see people abuse their bodies in that way.

    Anyway, lots of great ideas here and I think we should brainstorm a bit to work out all the kinks.
    (well not all of them, lets be honest we get rid of all the kinky fuckers and we wont have a business.)

    As for these types of sick fuckers, lets just charge them like a bull elephant.
    Its not for us to judge.

    Click to play YouTube Video


    * FYI- the pachyderm bukakke vid above is from youtube and is a clip from a movie called 'The brothers Grimsby' has a MA15 rating here in my country
    Being the freedom of speech loving tolerant souls we are. Im sure a clip from a MA15 rated comedy shouldnt cause too much offense. I mean we are all a mature audience over 15 yrs of age right?
    and we are all freedom loving adults who tolerate the fact that what one finds funny another might not, without resorting to tears, tantrums, safe spaces or triggerwarnings.

    However, I do have some play dough and lego available to help you cope if required.



    Bwhahahahahaha!
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2016
    t-dub, RUDE BOY, Pyr0 and 10 others like this.
  12. BD9

    BD9 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    932
    Location:
    The Devil's Lettuce Patch
    I am truly offended by the above. Please immediately send a three pack of Play Doh and one brown Lego to:
    Midwest 55666.

    Thank you for refraining from further posts containing this despicable, yet arousing, content. Also, please include higher quality photos.

    Thank you.
     
  13. DDave

    DDave Vape Wizard Accessory Maker

    Messages:
    3,887
    Location:
    Judge the Vaper by the Vapor
    And I came here to contribute!

    The chili fries and taquito lunch I had is about to make itself known!

    [​IMG]
     
    t-dub, CarolKing, HD Springer and 7 others like this.
  14. phattpiggie

    phattpiggie Well-Known Member Accessory Maker

    Messages:
    1,887
    Watched 'Grimsby' the other day and was in bits, I have never seen anything so funny, it's my kind of humor and Grimsby is about 30 minutes drive away, and if you get a chance to watch it 'yes Grimsby's really like that'.

    I think a lot of it may end up lost in... as @HD Springer found when I recommended other UK films for him to watch.


    Collecting bovine methane shouldn't be a problem, I've been looking at building a Universal Vape Bag Inflator and I'm sure with a bit of work it will re-purpose.
    Not sure on which FDA form I would have to fill in given the 2002 Bioterrorism Act but happy to send some out and as shipping costs are by weight the costs will be minimal.

    More importantly I've been looking to find a way to see myself thru the impending doom that oil shortages will inevitabley cause each and every one of us.

    By my reckoning a Monkfish and Tiger Prawn Dall has kept my Vapcap going for several days. No Hindenburg experiences yet so all good.
    Bit of nasty chaffing going on but nothing I can't cope with.
    In the words of Eddie Izzard 'Recycle, recycle, recycle the possibilities are endless'.
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2016
    BD9, dorkus_molorkus, Pyr0 and 3 others like this.
  15. momofthegoons

    momofthegoons vapor accessory addict

    Messages:
    12,725
    We all know that you are multi talented but you never cease to astound me. You're newest street art; for instance....

    [​IMG]

    Wow.. the things you can do with your ass! I am in awe. :bowdown:
     
    phattpiggie, t-dub, BD9 and 5 others like this.
  16. BD9

    BD9 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    932
    Location:
    The Devil's Lettuce Patch
    What about sheep? Because lets face it, there are other advantages to adding sheep as collection sites.
    As told by my uncle Mavis, sheep can be "Handsome" and very "Trusting". Keep in mind uncle Mavis is, well, you know the type, one eye looking at ya, the other one looking for ya.
    When he babysat me and my sister he would make us stand in the closet with the light on. We were told to stare at the floor and remain silent for three to five minutes. He called this 'game' elevator practice.

    This is the best device for collection of farts I've used. I mean found....

    [​IMG]
     

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