She does not like me getting high

[hoptimum]

It seems like you have 2 separate issues: your personal struggles and your girlfriend. You don't seem particularly happy with who you are right now and maybe herb isn't helping you become the person you aspire to be. Maybe she's observing your struggles and discontent and she sees herb as a demon thats holding you back.

 

[Ricardo]

It seems like you have 2 separate issues: your personal struggles and your girlfriend. You don't seem particularly happy with who you are right now and maybe herb isn't helping you become the person you aspire to be. Maybe she's observing your struggles and discontent and she sees herb as a demon thats holding you back.

Good point.

 

[little maggie]

Just to add a different perspective: my best friend said the same thing to her ex-boyfriend. She liked his personality better when he wasn't stoned. She felt like they had more fun. What's different from your situation is that he grew and sold herb and pretty much used it 24/7. And that she herself combusts socially (can't get her to vape).
I'm curious- if she didn't restrict you would you be getting stoned a lot or is it more occasional? I think the feedback you're getting is twofold: Getting stoned is not a solution for dealing with depression and low self esteem; your girlfriend may not be the best fit for you. When you arent getting stoned or drinking does she show you that she likes you or is she still judgmental?

 

[Farid]

I have certain friends who I don't enjoy being around when they are drinking or when they are smoking. It's nothing against them, but they turn into a different person. I say this as a daily cannabis user. Not saying this applies to you, but it's something to consider.

I also think that cannabis is something that should be done in private, away from those who are not partaking. I think it shows a certain respect for the non-smoker, and helps avoid stigma. I'm not saying you should hide things from your SO, but maybe don't break out the vape in front of her, when you are sharing time together.

 

[Squiby]

^^^^^ Beautiful and succinct ^^^^^

 

[His_Highness]

i really am pissed.

My girl does not like me getting high.

Earlier this month we spent the night and in the morning we were watching videos on the web.

I wanted to vape, clicked my hopper and get sad eyes feom her.
"Do you consume every day?
Why now, cant you just enjoy the unaltered reality?"

I used to drink when i felt like it. She did not like it so i stopped. No parties or dancing anymore. Feel like becoming a bore. Got more and more into vaping. As a young lad i consumed weed whenever we had some.

I can understand why she may not like you drunk or "totally stoned" and call you on it. Drunk and "totally stoned" may seem to her like an escape from reality AND MORE IMPORTANTLY... HER. Seems to me that is what she was saying with "Can't you just enjoy the unaltered reality" which translates in my head as "Can't you just enjoy being with me IN THE NOW without getting stoned?"

If she has never used our blessed plant she may prescribe to the Cheech and Chong stereotype and see using as a weakness and an escape from everyday life and her.

I've encountered several folks recently who have family members going through some serious health issues like cancer and chemo. When I suggested looking into cannabis to combat the nausea and lack of appetite I could tell I had crossed over into stereotype land because they never used cannabis and didn't know getting totally f'd up is not always necessary or even the goal.

 

[Justpassedu]

I am sorry to say this @Mr.Sifter but you are with the wrong girl. Never settle just bc you think someone is above you or better than you in anyway. It may take time but you will find someone better. Millions of people on this earth , do some searching. If she did not like your drinking or herbal usage you should have been upfront before the relationship started. I had the same issue with my last girl , i was not honest from the get go and kind of hid things , over 2yrs into the relationship and i was madly in love but knew it would just never work and we broke it off for many reasons . I was depressed and upset for awhile but i did not give up , i tried to better myself as best as i can but one thing i did was said from this point forward i will be honest before i get in deep and just let any lady i want to date know everything i would usually hide. It took me about 6 girls and lots of dates to find the right one but its now over 4 years and i am looking to get married soon.

 

[Baron23]

i really am pissed.

My girl does not like me getting high.

Earlier this month we spent the night and in the morning we were watching videos on the web.

I wanted to vape, clicked my hopper and get sad eyes feom her.
"Do you consume every day?
Why now, cant you just enjoy the unaltered reality?"

I used to drink when i felt like it. She did not like it so i stopped. No parties or dancing anymore. Feel like becoming a bore. Got more and more into vaping. As a young lad i consumed weed whenever we had some.

7 billion people in the world and half of them are women. See what I'm saying?

I know.
I too think I want her more than she wants me.
I am content with this situation.
Eventually she will move on to someone she likes more.
Until then I want to be with her.
Self destrutictive it seems, yes.
But I think there is not much of me to destroy anyway.

i would be okay to live my life to serve her.

I just saw this....sorry, but if you are fine living your life to serve her....pardon my being so blunt but: why are you whining about her to us on FC? Quit drining, quite MJ, and hang in there until she dumps you as it seems that you are fine with this (which is very sad, actually)

Personally, I wouldn't worry about having to change yourself to suit her....cause you won't be able to do it. That just never works.

One door closes, another opens. I think you need to look for a new door.

 

[stinkytofus]

let her try it then do the deed, she wont complain as much in the future lol

 

[herbivore21]

Getting stoned is not a solution for dealing with depression and low self esteem

Guys, can we just remember that there are many medical cannabis users who treat depressive illnesses with cannabis with great success. CBD is unequivocally an effective anti-depressant, and it has demonstrable mechanism of action which undoes some of the neurological damage caused by long term experience of depression and anxiety (see articles on CBD stimulating hippocampal neurogenesis for example). THC also has beneficial applications for those who suffer from various kinds of depressive illness. I am one of those who benefits in this way. I can unequivocally say that for my needs, that daily cannabis use IS A SOLUTION for dealing with depression and low self esteem. My clinicians support this judgement and there are many other patients around the world who can voice the same support for cannabis as an effective treatment for some presentations of depression.

One big problem for people with depression is that the people around them tend to feel like a loved one with low self-esteem serves as an invitation to tell the loved one how to live and what they think is wrong with their loved one's lifestyle. We must remember that even people who care about you and try to offer this kind of advice are not doctors, and there is a hell of a lot of unreasonable stigma surrounding cannabis (more in some societies than others too!). I do wonder whether the OP's situation is one of these scenarios, or if there is a genuine concern about the OP having a genuine problem? It doesn't seem like the OP uses even as much cannabis as I do and I am by no means a large dose guy!

We need to be very careful with these kinds of judgements as at this stage, it is not completely clear whether the OP's gf disapproves of cannabis generally, or just thinks that the OP has specific personal problems with cannabis (nor have we established whether such concerns are baseless or well founded). The OP has self esteem difficulties and depression, yes, but we do not know enough to say whether cannabis is helping or harming the OP. The OP talks about 'recreational use' but if they are using cannabis to ease symptoms of depression, that can be a legitimate medical use of cannabis and we should keep this in mind.

 

[stinkytofus]

I use it to enjoy my time at home or with friends haha

Definitely for music and movies, they become so much better, hear more feel more

 

[Deleted Member 1643]

Can't resist. If this is a prank-post, hats off! What drama! If not, what follows is not professional advice (which the OP might well profit from.)

the thing is i do not really like who i am.

So, why do you expect anyone else to like you?

IMO cannabis can be not nice when you are depressed, it's easy to fall into excessive self medicating, which is not the way cannabis helps with depression.

Wise words. IME, high-dose cannabis over a solid pharmaceutical foundation is the ticket.

I too think I want her more than she wants me.
I am content with this situation.
Eventually she will move on to someone she likes more.
Until then I want to be with her.
Self destrutictive it seems, yes.
But I think there is not much of me to destroy anyway.

This is almost poetic, intentional or not. She's not content with the situation. Hopefully, she will move on to someone she can look up to, and he, her. You're not him, but if you have your youth, you might still become such a man. If not, solitude has its rewards - chin up!

 

[Morty]

From my perspective on intimate relationships is the most wonderful ones are those that make you feel wonderful for being who you are. Relationships that are full of joy should make you feel more than you are. In a relationship like, this 'marijuana' could still be an issue but not a 'condition' for love and acceptance. If you don't have 'unconditional' love and acceptance you ain't got shit. This is why true love is precious and rare.

Fuck. Yes! There's some good advice here, but this...Goddamnit @steama. I could kiss you right now.

One door closes, another opens. I think you need to look for a new door.

On Point

 

[little maggie]

Although you quoted one part of what I wrote- as opposed to the part where I said that cannabis is used medically for depression- I don't disagree with what you've said. We were asked for input about a situation where there is too much information missing to come up with any clear feedback. We can use just about anything (including therapy) to avoid dealing with our issues but I do think that some treatment is helpful for depression whether drugs including cannabis, therapy, antidepressants etc. I also find cannabis helpful for depression and have since I was young and it was illegal. Personally I tend to feel depressed with indica while sativa helps my mood.
I just think this is too complicated for us to offer advice because we don't really have data.

Guys, can we just remember that there are many medical cannabis users who treat depressive illnesses with cannabis with great success. CBD is unequivocally an effective anti-depressant, and it has demonstrable mechanism of action which undoes some of the neurological damage caused by long term experience of depression and anxiety (see articles on CBD stimulating hippocampal neurogenesis for example). THC also has beneficial applications for those who suffer from various kinds of depressive illness. I am one of those who benefits in this way. I can unequivocally say that for my needs, that daily cannabis use IS A SOLUTION for dealing with depression and low self esteem. My clinicians support this judgement and there are many other patients around the world who can voice the same support for cannabis as an effective treatment for some presentations of depression.

One big problem for people with depression is that the people around them tend to feel like a loved one with low self-esteem serves as an invitation to tell the loved one how to live and what they think is wrong with their loved one's lifestyle. We must remember that even people who care about you and try to offer this kind of advice are not doctors, and there is a hell of a lot of unreasonable stigma surrounding cannabis (more in some societies than others too!). I do wonder whether the OP's situation is one of these scenarios, or if there is a genuine concern about the OP having a genuine problem? It doesn't seem like the OP uses even as much cannabis as I do and I am by no means a large dose guy!

We need to be very careful with these kinds of judgements as at this stage, it is not completely clear whether the OP's gf disapproves of cannabis generally, or just thinks that the OP has specific personal problems with cannabis (nor have we established whether such concerns are baseless or well founded). The OP has self esteem difficulties and depression, yes, but we do not know enough to say whether cannabis is helping or harming the OP. The OP talks about 'recreational use' but if they are using cannabis to ease symptoms of depression, that can be a legitimate medical use of cannabis and we should keep this in mind.

 

[CarolKing]

I think sometimes it's hard to put yourself out there to meet new people. I believe there's a love match for everyone out there.

Depression is a hard road by yourself. You need a support system of friends and some therapy to be blunt. Putting yourself down all the time is just lowering your self esteem even more. Sometimes small changes in your life can make a big difference. I don't know how old you are? Maybe it's none of our business.

It's up to you if you feel motivated to change for someone else but it comes down to what is going to make YOU happy. You only live once live for you not for other people.

Most women don't like a clinging weak puppy dog. Such as: "I will do anything......" That reeks of desperation. That will turn her off. She needs to see you as confident and strong with a lot going on in your life. Be busy doing things, not waiting around for her to call you. Let her know you are a busy guy. I'm not telling you to be a game player or anything like that. You need some confidence in yourself. Getting out of the house might help.

There is a lot of prejudice against using cannabis, even to help depression. Often doctors will want to use pharmaceuticals.

I wish you luck. I've been reading through the thread. A lot of caring folks and some wise minds out there. I've been thinking about you. Sending positive vibes your way.

Edit
I don't know how your health is but excercise and fast walking or running works wonders for depression. Maybe a sport that you like to play like soccer or basketball.
What about a pet? Would that be too much responsibility at this time? Just putting some things out there.

 

[herbivore21]

Although you quoted one part of what I wrote- as opposed to the part where I said that cannabis is used medically for depression- I don't disagree with what you've said. We were asked for input about a situation where there is too much information missing to come up with any clear feedback. We can use just about anything (including therapy) to avoid dealing with our issues but I do think that some treatment is helpful for depression whether drugs including cannabis, therapy, antidepressants etc. I also find cannabis helpful for depression and have since I was young and it was illegal. Personally I tend to feel depressed with indica while sativa helps my mood.
I just think this is too complicated for us to offer advice because we don't really have data.

Agreed, and I do apologize if it seemed like I was singling you out. I highlighted that text because it was indicative of comments made by others in this thread which to me seemed to be jumping the gun (you were not, but just coincidentally happened to say something I could quote which allowed me to illustrate what I was saying). Whilst I quoted only part of your post, I do take your point that you had already conceded that cannabis can indeed provide relief for depression. I also agree with you that on the whole, we just don't know enough to offer much more well-considered advice.

 

[Jimmer144]

How come its ok for her to criticize you for not just enjoying reality without the need for vaping or being high, but i'm sure you'd catch hell if you flipped that question around to her while your out to dinner together or spending time together and she is zoned out into her iphone taking dumb pics, texting, and doing mindless crap on social media. I say that because i promise you smartphones are more dangerous and detrimental to mental health and social relationships then herb is.

 

[gaseous_clay]

Is she Miss Perfect? Does she have any vices?

I ask, as I had an old girl who hated my smoking (at the time) weed. She would make fun of me. She would criticize me. She would also shut up temporarily when I would counter with the fact that I had carried her drunk ass the previous night, when she couldn't even tell me how we got back to my place.

People are weird.

 

[Ricardo]

Yeah, we all have opinions on this one but @hoptimum chose to ask for advice. My opinion is that @hoptimum should seek consultation with a qualified health care professional. We don't know either of the people involved and our well-intentioned advice is coloured by our own personal experiences and attitudes. It's fun, but it's not necessarily constructive. Talk to a professional, dude

 

[KidFated.]

Is she Miss Perfect? Does she have any vices?

I ask, as I had an old girl who hated my smoking (at the time) weed. She would make fun of me. She would criticize me. She would also shut up temporarily when I would counter with the fact that I had carried her drunk ass the previous night, when she couldn't even tell me how we got back to my place.

People are weird.

insane how common this is..

 

[howie105]

IMO asking for relationship advice from people who don't really know either person involved in the relationship is questionable.

 

[Alexis]

IMO asking for relationship advice from people who don't really know either person involved in the relationship is questionable.

This is a very good point. I may come across as insensitve, which I do try and avoid, but I have the distinct feeling that nobody's words of advice and wisdom here will be taken on board and considered by the OP. I feel that this thread has very little point to it and we have wasted our time and energy.
Although the discussion has been healthy and interesting none the less, with very many excellent points made by very wise members. But it appears to be for our enjoyment and speculation only, which kind of defeats the purpose.

I am sorry for my unusual sensitivity. Not like me at all. Im suffering myself with illness and depression which is no excuse, but Im only saying what I feel is true.

I think it is time to move on from this thread.

Seriously, no offence intended to the OP. I wish him the best truly, for more happiness in time and that he does either develop a more mutual, even, balanced, loving relationship with this lady, or more realistically, is able to get into a better place mentally and find a more suitable partner.

 

[CarolKing]

I think this thread has some great advice. The OP may not take it. It might help someone else. I've enjoyed reading through the posts. There's a lot of caring folks that cuts through the BS and tells it like it is.

Life is really hard at times. The depression makes it harder. Get help for the depression then go from there.

 

[Ricardo]

Yeah, we all have opinions on this one but @hoptimum chose to ask for advice.

Quoting myself because it wasn't @hoptimum who started this thread, but @Mr.Sifter. Apologies to @hoptimum....

 

[Alexis]

Thank you @CarolKing for showing your usual unabating sensitivity. I am sorry to @Mr.Sifter if my post was taken as direct criticism, I really didnt mean to hurt your feelings in any way. Im normally the most sensitive, tolerant person going. I have this bacterial influenza currently. Nothing serious, will be long gone soon, but it is in my head and is affecting my emotional state. Its just making me insanely irritable.

I was really speaking to evrybody else here, I wasnt sure if you were still following this thread even by now to be honest, as I felt that your heart was not in it.
So I apologize if I upset you man, and I truly wish you all the best, and encourage you to be more willing to help yourself, as I dont feel that anyone else can help you otherwise.

And that is what I was driving at really. I understand wht it is like to be in a kamakaze self destruct mode, and it is frustrating seeing others like this and not being able to help them, when we all do really wish to help here.