Joke thread
- Thread starter Purple-Days
- Start date
kel
FuckMisogynists!
That's really not funny!
With one of them in particular, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy...
Oh wait... that is exactly what happened
She is one of them that gets off on gaslighting to the point of provocating violence* and then goes around crying to everyone about her black eye and ligature marks from being strangled, but if the police are involved will attack them saying she loves him and they need to leave him alone
The most bizarre thing, is that he is exactly the same... even after someone took a lump of 2 x 2 to him, he still does it!
You could say they are a match made in erm... I dunno... some medieval torture chamber?
The one good thing that came from it was that she made me realise that every single one of my other girlfriends, even the ones who were erm, shall we say, hard work, were actually great.
I can see the funny side now... but at time... sheesh! Never again!
* not that I ever did - got out as soon as the penny dropped; and wow did that cause a ruckus!
edit: @Bologna - haha you got me!! I tried clicking the play button 3 times
Last edited:
His_Highness
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No," said the director, "a normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No," said the director, "a normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
Buzzbomb Almighty
Well-Known Member
A fleeing criminal, desperate to escape the police, runs into the desert with hardly any water. Very soon, he runs out of drinking water, and hours later, he is already plodding under the merciless desert sun.
He is close to desperation when suddenly, he sees something far off in the distance. Hoping against hope that it is water, he starts running towards what he thinks is an oasis, only to find a little old man with a little stand, full of ties.
'Hey you, do you have water?' Pants the criminal.
The old man replied, 'I have already finished my water, but would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.'
The criminal, frustrated shouted, 'you moron! Do I look like I need a tie? I should kill you right here, but I have to find some water first!"
'There's no call for threats,' said the old tie seller indignantly, 'but even though you don't want to buy one of my ties and you treat me like this, I'll help you. If you continue over that hill for about 3 miles, you'll find a restaurant with great food and all the ice cold water you can drink. Good luck!"
Muttering in disgust, the criminal staggered away over the hill. Several hours later the other man sees him crawling on the dune back towards him. When he finally arrives, he lays on his back, panting.
"Everything ok?" Asked the tie salesman as he bends over to hear the raspy whisper of the other man.
"They won't let me in without a tie..."
He is close to desperation when suddenly, he sees something far off in the distance. Hoping against hope that it is water, he starts running towards what he thinks is an oasis, only to find a little old man with a little stand, full of ties.
'Hey you, do you have water?' Pants the criminal.
The old man replied, 'I have already finished my water, but would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.'
The criminal, frustrated shouted, 'you moron! Do I look like I need a tie? I should kill you right here, but I have to find some water first!"
'There's no call for threats,' said the old tie seller indignantly, 'but even though you don't want to buy one of my ties and you treat me like this, I'll help you. If you continue over that hill for about 3 miles, you'll find a restaurant with great food and all the ice cold water you can drink. Good luck!"
Muttering in disgust, the criminal staggered away over the hill. Several hours later the other man sees him crawling on the dune back towards him. When he finally arrives, he lays on his back, panting.
"Everything ok?" Asked the tie salesman as he bends over to hear the raspy whisper of the other man.
"They won't let me in without a tie..."
