Joke thread

[macbill]

 

[BakedDiogenes]

Hold it so I can see, not you, fuckhead
- my old man

 

[macbill]

 

[The Stray Fox]

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

 

[florduh]

 

[macbill]

 

[Ramahs]

 

[Bologna]

 

[florduh]

Changing the name of your breakfast product: Treason

Taking up arms against the United States: Not Treason

 

[The Stray Fox]

 

[macbill]

 

[macbill]

 

[macbill]

 

[florduh]

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1419354561374994436

 

[Bologna]

 

[Ramahs]

 

[Bologna]

 

[kel]

I'm an engineer, none of these apply - the glass is just twice as big as it needs to be!

 

[macbill]

 

[Chainfish]

If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don't open it.
It's spam.

 

[Bologna]

 

[kel]

 

[Bologna]

^"I had a friend" that would always do this to anyone who passed out... in Sharpie, too... luckily, booze was never really my "thing", so he never got me once... the fucker!

 

[macbill]

 

[The Stray Fox]