Joke thread
- Thread starter Purple-Days
- Start date
Tranquility
Well-Known Member
Tranquility
Well-Known Member
I told my wife how grateful I was to have someone I both love and enjoy to be with during quarantine.
She said, "Must be nice."
She said, "Must be nice."
Tranquility
Well-Known Member
Tranquility
Well-Known Member
Relaxed
This Space For Rent
A small Kentucky Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very "in the mood," and difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, no male gorillas of the species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages.
Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but he possessed ample
ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution.
Ed was approached with a proposition.
Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500?
Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.
"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her.
Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this."
The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.
"Well," said Ed, "you gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."
Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, no male gorillas of the species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages.
Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but he possessed ample
ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution.
Ed was approached with a proposition.
Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500?
Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.
"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her.
Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this."
The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.
"Well," said Ed, "you gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!”
He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”
He said, “Yes.”
I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”
He said, “A Christian.”
I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?”
He said, “Protestant.”
I said, “Me, too! What franchise?”
He said, “Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.”
I
said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region
Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region
Council of 1912?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”
I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.
He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”
He said, “Yes.”
I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”
He said, “A Christian.”
I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?”
He said, “Protestant.”
I said, “Me, too! What franchise?”
He said, “Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.”
I
said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region
Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region
Council of 1912?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”
I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.
