Joke thread

Relaxed

This Space For Rent
A hillbilly was stopped by a game warden in West Virginia recently with two ice chests of fish.
He was leaving a cove well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, sir, I ain't got none of them there licenses, no. You must understand these here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" said the game warden.

"Ya.. Every night I take these here fish down to DA lake and let them swim 'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump rat back into this here ice chest and I take them home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" says the warden.

The hillbilly looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth. I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay," said the game warden, "I've GOT to see this!"

The hillbilly poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" said the hillbilly.

The warden said, "When are you going to call them back?"

The hillbilly said, "Call who back?"

"The FISH!" replied the warden.

"What fish?" answered the hillbilly.

We in West Virginny may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we aren't as dumb as most!
 

The Stray Fox

Separated from the group
Retired Chemical Engineer – Making a difference

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. Harold Sclumberg is such a person.
I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired'? Well..I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas into urine.
 

Relaxed

This Space For Rent
A biker stopped by the Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. The shop couldn't repair it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem, how to carry all of his purchases home. The owner said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" the biker said, and out the door he went.

In the parking lot, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take the short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously, and then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"

The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
 
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