Joke thread

[vapviking]

During the 1980's it became popular for an interviewer to ask of a male celebrity, "So, boxers or briefs?"
One day at the White House a reporter mustered the nerve to pose the question to president Reagan.
"Mr. President, boxers or briefs?" the reporter queried.
The president paused in thought, then shrugged and answered, "Depends!"

 

[notams]

@Tranquility I legit laughed OUT LOUD. I spewed my coffee out of my nose.

I could imagine the voices all clearly, all deep, "welllcommme". Dude, I about damaged a lung seeing that frame. "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

I scared my poor dog snorting coffee on her. Thank you.

 

[macbill]

 

[Buzzbomb Almighty]

Fidel Castro dies and goes to hell.
There he discovers that he has a choice: he can go to capitalist hell or to communist hell. Naturally, he wants to compare the two, so he goes over to capitalist hell.

There outside the door is the devil, who looks a bit like Ronald Reagan. “What’s it like in there?” asks Fidel. “Well,” the devil replies, “in capitalist hell, they flay you alive, then they boil you in oil and then they cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.”

“That’s terrible!” he gasps. “I’m going to check out communist hell!” He goes over to communist hell, where he discovers a huge queue of people waiting to get in. He waits in line. Eventually he gets to the front and there at the door to communist hell is a little old man who looks a bit like Karl Marx. “I’m still in the free world, Karl,” he says, “and before I come in, I want to know what it’s like in there.”

“In communist hell,” says Marx impatiently, “they flay you alive, then they boil you in oil, and then they cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.”

"But… but that’s the same as capitalist hell!“ protests Fidel, "Why such a long queue?”

“Well,” sighs Marx, “Sometimes we’re out of oil, sometimes we don’t have knives, sometimes not even hot water…”

 

[Tranquility]

 

[macbill]

 

[macbill]

 

[macbill]

 

[macbill]

 

[vapviking]

A Merchant Marine Captain had been on the same ship for decades and had a ritual that was a mystery to all of the crew and cause for much speculation.
Every morning before heading up to the bridge he would open the safe in his cabin, take out a lone piece of paper, glance at it and put it back.
One day the old Captain passed away and the crew gave him a fitting burial at sea. Then they rushed to his cabin and broke the safe wide open, their curiosity was so great after all the years.
The mate took out the paper and read it to all, "Left is port, Right is starboard."

 

[macbill]

I was in the Burger-King drive-through this morning
and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because
I was taking too long to place my order.

“Take the high road,” I thought to myself.
So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.
The cashier must have told the woman what I'd done,
because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you."
Obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with a kindness.

When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts
and took her food too. !

Now she has to go back to the end of the line and start all over.

LESSON - Don't honk your horn at old people. !!

 

[Tranquility]

 

[macbill]

People who sell meat may be gross!
But those who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!

 

[Buzzbomb Almighty]

 

[Ramahs]

 

[Buzzbomb Almighty]

Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.

 

[macbill]

Pelosi picks a committee and charges it with crafting language pertaining to the disbarment of Bill Barr. This bill will be known as the Disbar Bill Barr Bill.

The committee, due to long hours, will be meeting off-site, since the Capitol will
be closed. A suitable DC venue is found -- The Disbar Bill Barr Bill Bar.

Sensing what arduous work lies ahead, the committee chair moves to open a tab at the Disbar Bill Barr Bill Bar. At last, the bill's language has been constructed.

But first, the committee has to settle up with the Disbar Bill Barr Bill Bar barkeep.
They do this by paying their Disbar Bill Barr Bill Bar bill.

 

[macbill]

 

[Ramahs]

 

[macbill]

 

[Tranquility]

 

[Ramahs]

 

[Tranquility]

There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.
--Proverbs 14:12

 

[Ramahs]

 

[Tranquility]

I've not watched the Mandalorian so don't know if they Yodatalk, but the first thing I thought was, "Way, this is."