Ever since I can remember, I've suffered from migraines, crippling anxiety and an overwhelming sense of self-hatred. Typical misfit upbringing, parents divorced when I was young, alcoholic father, absent mother, younger sibling that looked to me for comfort and guidance. I was able to adapt to my surroundings enough to get through school and even a year of college. After that, my symptoms took a nose dive. I worked so hard at trying to “fake it to make it” that it would leave me literally exhausted and confused by the end of the day. When I turned 21, I tried drinking myself numb every night, and it worked for a while. Then I noticed that every morning I’d wake up craving the very poison that, in the end, just made me angrier… like my father. So, I quit drinking and resorted to hiding myself away from everyone, for years.
Fast forward to 2010, when I met the love of my life. Within days of expressing a romantic interest in me, I put all the crazy on the table and said, “Run”. I mean,
I didn’t even like being around me, how could I ask this amazing person to be stuck with me? When I finished, I was shaking and in tears. I looked up to meet the most loving, caring, non-judgmental gaze I would probably ever know. Six months later, we were married. It wasn’t perfect, of course, but for the first time since I could remember, I was happy. Two years later, I started to feel that familiar feeling creeping back over me. The self-hatred, anxiety, depression, and most of all embarrassment for feeling all of these things when I was married to the most gentle soul I’d come to know. I spent my days laying on the couch, hating myself for not getting anything done. My nights were spent waiting to be alone so I could hide the fact that I cried myself to sleep.
One day I was introduced to cannabis. After spending so many years hating it, judging people who used it, and generally being misinformed…whoa
. I couldn’t believe how long I’d been misled. Within days, I was slowly getting my life back. One problem… the love of my life, didn’t love cannabis. I felt like I had to choose between the two things in my life that made me
want to live! After giving up cannabis for two weeks, I found myself back on the couch. Not too long after that, I somehow managed to pinch my sciatic nerve. Having suffered daily migraines since childhood, I thought I knew pain…I was wrong. Suddenly, I was no longer on the couch by choice. Here I was, 25 years old, and I couldn’t do ANYTHING on my own. Not only that, but every movement I made came with a river of tears and screams of agony. I finally begged my spouse to “drag me to the porch and let me smoke my weed!” Within 15 minutes, I’d finished my bowl and STOOD UP ALL ON MY OWN!
Needless to say, my two loves are now very comfortable with each other. I switched to vaporizing about a year later and haven’t looked back. Now I vape daily for my migraines, anxiety, depression, various aches and pains, insomnia, and just for my overall SANITY.