Fuck the Parkinson's, the Dr just gave me a reason to smoke MORE!
- Thread starter mvapes
- Start date
I spoke with a good friend today. Someone I consider close who is in a similar position to me, health wise. They too are having issues becoming accustomed to their illness and the people around them.
I get it, I think we all understand. It's all part of the process when your living among the healthy. It's easy for us to get angry at the world around us. We got dealt a fucked up hand, we're the ones always in pain, and we have to wake up every day not knowing what the fuck condition we'll be in that day. It get's under your skin, you start to hear all the comments and see all the fucking stares. It only grows inside you, the anger, the misery, the sorrow, your the victim and these fuckers are stepping on me!
Then I woke up, I realized that just like I had, and have to suffer, so does everyone around me (aside when they want my handicapped parking permit)that chooses to be part of my life. I had to let that anger go or it would have taken over. The disease isn't going anywhere whether you or I like,so we better make the fucking best of it. The anger is still there of course and so is the hurt, but we gotta think it through and figure out what's going on inside.
I find my answers through breathing, they become apparent and often allow me to think of a logical answer. What makes the answer logical is that it's best for both parties. We have to keep it balanced.
I know my friend will be alright, they may not be the strongest (yet) but their a beautiful person.
Everything will work out, your answers will come, and you'll choose your path. I promise that you won't do it alone!
I get it, I think we all understand. It's all part of the process when your living among the healthy. It's easy for us to get angry at the world around us. We got dealt a fucked up hand, we're the ones always in pain, and we have to wake up every day not knowing what the fuck condition we'll be in that day. It get's under your skin, you start to hear all the comments and see all the fucking stares. It only grows inside you, the anger, the misery, the sorrow, your the victim and these fuckers are stepping on me!
Then I woke up, I realized that just like I had, and have to suffer, so does everyone around me (aside when they want my handicapped parking permit)that chooses to be part of my life. I had to let that anger go or it would have taken over. The disease isn't going anywhere whether you or I like,so we better make the fucking best of it. The anger is still there of course and so is the hurt, but we gotta think it through and figure out what's going on inside.
I find my answers through breathing, they become apparent and often allow me to think of a logical answer. What makes the answer logical is that it's best for both parties. We have to keep it balanced.
I know my friend will be alright, they may not be the strongest (yet) but their a beautiful person.
Everything will work out, your answers will come, and you'll choose your path. I promise that you won't do it alone!
Vicki
Herbal Alchemist
Vicki
Herbal Alchemist
I try sometimes, particularly Sundays to play roulette with my meds. When I'm home and just vegging out I may spread a dose or two out a bit to see if I really can control it.
Funny thing is, it always turns out the same way. And I really need to stop doing that.
Funny thing is, it always turns out the same way. And I really need to stop doing that.
Buildozer
Baked & Fried
That sounds like a page right out of be here now
momofthegoons
vapor accessory addict
Good Monday morning folks!!! Hope you all realize how special you all are! 
Havelock Vetenari
Patrician
Right back at ya!
So my 90 year old grandmother is having emergency surgery to repair her arm. Turns out she slipped in the nursing home cafeteria and not just broke her arm, she snapped it. It broke the wrong way at the elbow and the doctors can't take a chance at her cutting herself internally. This actually happened late yesterday but they had to wait for her blood thinners to subside so they could go in.
In the last 20 years she was diagnosed with lymphoma and given 6 months to live (16 years ago), she has dementia, Alzheimer, onset Parkinson's, and survived 3 (maybe more) heart attacks as well as getting pneumonia and becoming septic. She is the yiddish version of wonder-woman.
She's a really cool lady, was always my favorite person. Man she spoiled me rotten. I couldn't do any wrong in Nanny's eye's. After my grandfather passed not a day went buy that a little part of her didn't die too. She became a shell of the woman she once once. It saddens me to visit when I listen to her and her want to die.
She tells me to break her out of this joint, she's in The Hebrew Home for the chronically ill in the Bronx. I hate that place, always smells of chemicals and urine. Sometimes I think life is so fucked up and backwards. Give them all the drugs, let those people have fucking fun. Imagine a nursing home full of patients on ecstasy - it would be chaos. Let em go out with a bang.
But no, they steal from her. They don't bath her. She's just another patient there. To me she used to be my grandmother, I miss that woman. I just want her spirit to find it's piece.
Nanny-I love you.
In the last 20 years she was diagnosed with lymphoma and given 6 months to live (16 years ago), she has dementia, Alzheimer, onset Parkinson's, and survived 3 (maybe more) heart attacks as well as getting pneumonia and becoming septic. She is the yiddish version of wonder-woman.
She's a really cool lady, was always my favorite person. Man she spoiled me rotten. I couldn't do any wrong in Nanny's eye's. After my grandfather passed not a day went buy that a little part of her didn't die too. She became a shell of the woman she once once. It saddens me to visit when I listen to her and her want to die.
She tells me to break her out of this joint, she's in The Hebrew Home for the chronically ill in the Bronx. I hate that place, always smells of chemicals and urine. Sometimes I think life is so fucked up and backwards. Give them all the drugs, let those people have fucking fun. Imagine a nursing home full of patients on ecstasy - it would be chaos. Let em go out with a bang.
But no, they steal from her. They don't bath her. She's just another patient there. To me she used to be my grandmother, I miss that woman. I just want her spirit to find it's piece.
Nanny-I love you.
Vicki
Herbal Alchemist
6 Things about Chronic Pain You Didn’t Know You Knew
Posted on September 7, 2013by leitis23
Chronic pain isn’t just constant pain, though that would be more than enough for anyone to handle, the truth is chronic pain always brings friends. These added challenges are obvious, but rarely taken into consideration by “healthy” people. Remembering that like all bullies chronic pain travels with a gang can help to better understand the life of someone in chronic pain.
Pain is exhausting. We have all had a bad headache, a twisted knee, or a pulled muscle, and by the end of the day it is a monumental effort just to read the mail. You may not have consciously realized it, but the pain that has relentlessly nagged you through out the day has drained you as bad as any flu. Even when you try to ignore pain it will stay in the back of your mind, screaming for attention, draining away all of your energy. With chronic pain this is amplified because it isn’t just one day, it is months or even years of struggling to live with this very demanding monkey on your back. I’m tired just thinking about it.
It just sort of snuck up on me.
Pain causes poor sleep. You would think that after a long day of fighting with constant pain sleep would be a great reprieve. Unfortunately, this is just a dream (pun intended). First chronic pain can make it hard to get to sleep and stay asleep. The pain will pull you right out of deep sleep. Many pain patients take medications to sleep, because sleep is vital to your health, chronic pain, or no. Even when you do sleep, the pain signals continue to your brain and can cause sleep to be broken, restless, and oddly enough, exhausting.
Pain makes you cranky. Chronic pain sufferers aren’t (all) just cranky buggers by nature. Pain drains you physically and mentally. When you are in pain even the simplest things feel overwhelming and people tend to react accordingly. You may have only asked your chronic pain spouse if they would like to go to a movie, but in their head they have considered if they can sit still that long, how much medication it would require, if they have the energy, if they will stay awake through the movie, how high their pain is now and how it might increase, if they go will it make getting through tomorrow harder, and most importantly, given all this, will it be any fun. They didn’t grouch at you for the fun of it, pain just makes it very hard to remember that everyone else is coming from a totally different perspective, where a movie is just, well, a movie.
I’m NOT CRANKY!
Pain kills your concentration. Most chronic pain patients fight like crazy to live a normal life. They try to ignore the pain and go about their days, but it’s just not that easy. Even when you ignore pain, push it to the back of your brain and focus on, say, work, pain doesn’t give up. You can sit at your desk, working on your computer, trying to concentrate, while your pain plays the part of a toddler desperate for your attention. Pain will poke you, tug at your clothes, spill juice on your keyboard, scream your name and try to use your arm and leg as practice for the uneven bars. No matter how hard you try to tune it out, part of your brain is always processing the pain and it often pulls your concentration to terrifyingly low levels.
Pain damages your self esteem. The pain has made you tired, cranky, and killed your concentration. Being exhausted all the time makes everything more of a challenge than it should be, your quick temper has strained or destroyed once strong interpersonal relationships, and your inability to concentrate has hurt your job performance. You can’t do what you want to do with your time even when you try and it seems like everyone is mad or unhappy with you no matter your efforts. Life as you know it is crumbling and all because of …you? Most pain sufferers blame themselves for these failings, remembering that they used to be able to do everything. They see chronic pain as a sign of weakness or a personal defect that they should be able to overcome. The end result is that on top of everything else chronic pain damages your self esteem.
Appearances can be deceiving.
Pain causes isolation. When you’re in constant pain the last thing you want to do is attend the company party, the neighbor’s backyard barbecue, or even small gatherings with your closest friends and family. Your friends and family are still the light of your life, but the physical and mental energy it requires to go out and be social can be just too much to handle. You start to bow out of parties and cancel plans, not because you don’t want to go, but because you just can’t. Eventually people stop inviting you, calls to make plans decline, and the scary thing is you don’t mind. The pain has slowly, but surely, isolated you.
Take three, they are small.
Posted on September 7, 2013by leitis23
Chronic pain isn’t just constant pain, though that would be more than enough for anyone to handle, the truth is chronic pain always brings friends. These added challenges are obvious, but rarely taken into consideration by “healthy” people. Remembering that like all bullies chronic pain travels with a gang can help to better understand the life of someone in chronic pain.
Pain is exhausting. We have all had a bad headache, a twisted knee, or a pulled muscle, and by the end of the day it is a monumental effort just to read the mail. You may not have consciously realized it, but the pain that has relentlessly nagged you through out the day has drained you as bad as any flu. Even when you try to ignore pain it will stay in the back of your mind, screaming for attention, draining away all of your energy. With chronic pain this is amplified because it isn’t just one day, it is months or even years of struggling to live with this very demanding monkey on your back. I’m tired just thinking about it.
It just sort of snuck up on me.
Pain causes poor sleep. You would think that after a long day of fighting with constant pain sleep would be a great reprieve. Unfortunately, this is just a dream (pun intended). First chronic pain can make it hard to get to sleep and stay asleep. The pain will pull you right out of deep sleep. Many pain patients take medications to sleep, because sleep is vital to your health, chronic pain, or no. Even when you do sleep, the pain signals continue to your brain and can cause sleep to be broken, restless, and oddly enough, exhausting.
Pain makes you cranky. Chronic pain sufferers aren’t (all) just cranky buggers by nature. Pain drains you physically and mentally. When you are in pain even the simplest things feel overwhelming and people tend to react accordingly. You may have only asked your chronic pain spouse if they would like to go to a movie, but in their head they have considered if they can sit still that long, how much medication it would require, if they have the energy, if they will stay awake through the movie, how high their pain is now and how it might increase, if they go will it make getting through tomorrow harder, and most importantly, given all this, will it be any fun. They didn’t grouch at you for the fun of it, pain just makes it very hard to remember that everyone else is coming from a totally different perspective, where a movie is just, well, a movie.
I’m NOT CRANKY!
Pain kills your concentration. Most chronic pain patients fight like crazy to live a normal life. They try to ignore the pain and go about their days, but it’s just not that easy. Even when you ignore pain, push it to the back of your brain and focus on, say, work, pain doesn’t give up. You can sit at your desk, working on your computer, trying to concentrate, while your pain plays the part of a toddler desperate for your attention. Pain will poke you, tug at your clothes, spill juice on your keyboard, scream your name and try to use your arm and leg as practice for the uneven bars. No matter how hard you try to tune it out, part of your brain is always processing the pain and it often pulls your concentration to terrifyingly low levels.
Pain damages your self esteem. The pain has made you tired, cranky, and killed your concentration. Being exhausted all the time makes everything more of a challenge than it should be, your quick temper has strained or destroyed once strong interpersonal relationships, and your inability to concentrate has hurt your job performance. You can’t do what you want to do with your time even when you try and it seems like everyone is mad or unhappy with you no matter your efforts. Life as you know it is crumbling and all because of …you? Most pain sufferers blame themselves for these failings, remembering that they used to be able to do everything. They see chronic pain as a sign of weakness or a personal defect that they should be able to overcome. The end result is that on top of everything else chronic pain damages your self esteem.
Appearances can be deceiving.
Pain causes isolation. When you’re in constant pain the last thing you want to do is attend the company party, the neighbor’s backyard barbecue, or even small gatherings with your closest friends and family. Your friends and family are still the light of your life, but the physical and mental energy it requires to go out and be social can be just too much to handle. You start to bow out of parties and cancel plans, not because you don’t want to go, but because you just can’t. Eventually people stop inviting you, calls to make plans decline, and the scary thing is you don’t mind. The pain has slowly, but surely, isolated you.
Take three, they are small.
grokit
well-worn member
@mvapes, there are no words, but I'm gonna give it a shot anyways because I've been there. My maternal grandma (yiddish side 2!) also suffered a steep decline after grandpa passed, alzheimer's is indeed a horrible thing for everyone involved. We did everything we could for her, but after 15 years or so her body gave out as well. She never made it to 90 but close. That place in the bronx sounds like a fucking nightmare, I wish you could break her out of there and get her down to your neck of the woods! The fact that she is even able to make that request tells me she has it together more than mine did. Mine lost mental and even autonomic functionality those last few years, and was very difficult to care for. Who knows why this happens to some and not others, my paternal grandma is still going at 102 and is sharp as a tack. She's also in a very good home, a place I would love to move into myself someday but I know I never will be that fortunate. I wish I could advise you on a course of action but at least know that others have gone down this road, so stay strong brother (I know you will).
@Vicki, yes pain fucking sucks it never stops and nobody understands unless they've been there. Right now I'm dry, and I have become quite isolated in a remote area so nothing but pills and I'm going fucking nuts because I hate the pills. It's like I can barely function without the flowers, and I just realized that my pain pills are almost gone because I waited too long to order more like a doofus. I also have a lot of external stress in my life right now, and the only silver lining is that more pills will come, the flowers will come back too and I've been here before and survived it so I will get through this as well, just like I know you will too.
edit: I think it time to fling some shit!
@Vicki, yes pain fucking sucks it never stops and nobody understands unless they've been there. Right now I'm dry, and I have become quite isolated in a remote area so nothing but pills and I'm going fucking nuts because I hate the pills. It's like I can barely function without the flowers, and I just realized that my pain pills are almost gone because I waited too long to order more like a doofus. I also have a lot of external stress in my life right now, and the only silver lining is that more pills will come, the flowers will come back too and I've been here before and survived it so I will get through this as well, just like I know you will too.
edit: I think it time to fling some shit!
Last edited:
Quetzalcoatl
DEADY GUERRERO/DIRT COBAIN/GEORGE KUSH
Update - they ended up postponing my grandmothers surgery until today. I guess at the last minute they changed their mind because her blood was still too thin. It's so hard being for away in situations like this. You get 10 versions of the story when you talk to each member of my family. I guess I'll just call the nurses station today and get the real deal.
To give you guy's an idea of how shitty NYC hospitals can be if you're not wealthy - she's was taken from the home by ambulance to Jacobi Medical Center on Pelham Parkway in the Bronx on Sunday. Because of overcrowding she is still in the emergency room! She's sleeping in a fucking ER bed. It sickens me to think about it.
I've decided to work from home today so I can be near the phone.
To give you guy's an idea of how shitty NYC hospitals can be if you're not wealthy - she's was taken from the home by ambulance to Jacobi Medical Center on Pelham Parkway in the Bronx on Sunday. Because of overcrowding she is still in the emergency room! She's sleeping in a fucking ER bed. It sickens me to think about it.
I've decided to work from home today so I can be near the phone.
grokit
well-worn member
If there’s someone in your life who is, for lack of a better term, a total dick, you’ve probably struggled with deciding how to confront them. You could talk to them in person. You could write a sharply worded email enumerating all your grievances against them. Or you could send them a package that lets them know, in no uncertain terms, exactly how you feel. And by package, we literally mean a package.
Enter Shipadick.com, which is exactly what it sounds like: a website that allows you to ship a two-and-a-half-foot cardboard erect penis to anyone in the world.
For $9.99, you can send a standard 29-inch dick; for $14.99, you can also add a customizable message or one from the site’s drop-down menu, filled with such Algonquin Round Table nuggets as “SLAP!”, “I love you,” “Mine bends where yours ends,” “Congrats! You’ve got Herpes!” or just an elegant, concise “You’re a dick.”
Enter Shipadick.com, which is exactly what it sounds like: a website that allows you to ship a two-and-a-half-foot cardboard erect penis to anyone in the world.
For $9.99, you can send a standard 29-inch dick; for $14.99, you can also add a customizable message or one from the site’s drop-down menu, filled with such Algonquin Round Table nuggets as “SLAP!”, “I love you,” “Mine bends where yours ends,” “Congrats! You’ve got Herpes!” or just an elegant, concise “You’re a dick.”
Fame Is A Vapor
EVOnaut
@mvapes I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother. I hope her recovery is quick and complete. I know I haven't been around here much lately, but I still think of you often. I hope that you and your family are able to grow closer through these tough times.
@Vicki I'm puttin' you in my prayers, babe. And sending you love. Can you feel it?
I'm probably just poking my head in momentarily here. Been on quite the rough road lately and thought it was getting better, only to get some devastating news yesterday. My 2-year old niece has leukemia. We're waiting on further tests today to know exactly which kind, and just what her prospects for treatment will be but, whatever happens, it won't be easy for this little girl. So if you are spiritually inclined, we can sure use all the prayers we can get right now. Much love to all of you. And thanks again, @mvapes , for creating this space for us....
Sincerely,
Fame Is A Vapor
@Vicki I'm puttin' you in my prayers, babe. And sending you love. Can you feel it?
I'm probably just poking my head in momentarily here. Been on quite the rough road lately and thought it was getting better, only to get some devastating news yesterday. My 2-year old niece has leukemia. We're waiting on further tests today to know exactly which kind, and just what her prospects for treatment will be but, whatever happens, it won't be easy for this little girl. So if you are spiritually inclined, we can sure use all the prayers we can get right now. Much love to all of you. And thanks again, @mvapes , for creating this space for us....
Sincerely,
Fame Is A Vapor
Vicki
Herbal Alchemist
@mvapes I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother. I hope her recovery is quick and complete. I know I haven't been around here much lately, but I still think of you often. I hope that you and your family are able to grow closer through these tough times.
@Vicki I'm puttin' you in my prayers, babe. And sending you love. Can you feel it?
I'm probably just poking my head in momentarily here. Been on quite the rough road lately and thought it was getting better, only to get some devastating news yesterday. My 2-year old niece has leukemia. We're waiting on further tests today to know exactly which kind, and just what her prospects for treatment will be but, whatever happens, it won't be easy for this little girl. So if you are spiritually inclined, we can sure use all the prayers we can get right now. Much love to all of you. And thanks again, @mvapes , for creating this space for us....
Sincerely,
Fame Is A Vapor
Yes, I can.
I'm so sorry about your niece.
I hope they are able to treat her with as little side effects as possible. I'll keep her in my prayers.