Cold Turkey

[Rick]

Many who may read this are not familiar with our situation so I will briefly outline events of the last 18 months for those who have not read our product thread.
7/25/12 6:00 AM
Over forty LEOs consisting of two SWAT teams, two helicopters and a bunch of young chiefs invaded our property. They left after 6 hours of searching every square inch of every building, our small farm and lots of wooded acres. They took all Aromazap stuff, all our computers and gobs of financial records. They also left with over three oz of MJ, found here and there. Over 3 oz is a felony in Idaho. Manufacturing paraphernalia is also a felony in Idaho. They arrested no one and said "you will be hearing from us". They expected to find a large grow and distribution of said grow through our Aromazap sales. They also posted notice on our property that the Idaho State Police had now filed a lien on three 10 acre parcels. Our home, Mikes(son) home, two shops and our Organic farm.
They had 90 days to file the civil suit to keep the liens active. On day 89 they filed the civil suit. Well over a month after that, I was served with a summons that charged me with in criminal court with two felonies, possession of over three oz and manufacturing of paraphernalia. Several years of potential prison time and of course fines could come from the criminal charges.
Fast forward to the present. I pleaded to the possession charge and they dismissed the manufacturing charge. My punishment is not bad considering I was charged with two felonies. 18 months probation(supervised), a bit over $500 in court costs(some is liability insurance for my community service), 250 hours of community service and the BIGGEE....withheld judgement as this was my first felony. WJ is cool. It is only offered once in a lifetime as only a first felony offense will qualify. When I finish the 18 months successfully, everything is dismissed. It is like it never happened....the whole thing erased.
Did you notice I said "when" I finish, not "if". No ifs about this one.
The civil case has not even started yet as they wanted me to finish the criminal 'side' before even talking with us. Apparently forfeiture laws have extra questions relating to "double jeopardy" which Constitutionally protects us from being punished twice for the same crime.
So here comes the meat of this post.
Being on supervised probation, I must stop using MJ. I had the first meeting with my probation officer Thursday. She set me up on random drug testing. Maybe some of you do not know about that one. I call every morning to find out if I am on "todays list". If my number is called I must go in that day for a pee test. Wouldn't you know my number has not been called yet!
Everyone in this situation expects my readings to be very high to start as I have been using MJ daily since 1967. Of course they want that to go down and down to zero as time goes on but high in the beginning would not hurt me much.
No matter. I have to do this so I am doing it. Cold turkey for several days now and I will stay that way as I do not want to start the process over again.

Kinda tough and hard to describe what is going on. Kinda like I am in a vise that is clamping me but at the same time filling me with energy. Much less appetite as I am eating what my body needs, not what my mind says I need. Much harder to sleep but I am getting enough sleep. Anxious, wound up, grumpy at times(poor Pat!) Right now I would love a vape as I was always vaping whenever I posted on FC. But I am going to do this. I'm the decider. No going back. And booze does not cut it. I have tried that the last few days and do not like where it takes me. I never have been much of a boozer. A little, sure but MJ was always my gig. Should also say both parents were alcoholics. They were both functional alcoholics in that they did their jobs but they both drank every night to the point of.........well, further than I like to go.
This would be a good time to add that because I am a first time offender and strapped for income, I qualify for financial assistance. They will pay for all my drug testing and counseling. I have my first meeting with the counseling folks on Tuesday. I told the truth in my pre-sentence investigation."Every day for 45 years" which could have something to do with requiring counseling. Whatever, I am looking forward to it. I have to. That is how I am programmed.

So.....help me deal with this. Give me some facts and helpful hints on how to get through this change. 47 years is a long fucking time to be on something. Tell us about your experiences. Give me some comradary. Help me keep focused by giving me another outlet to express what is happening and how to deal with it positively. I have no choice in this matter. I now know that I will not be able to drive 50 miles from my home and buy legal marijuana in Washington when it becomes available in a few months. I never thought I would live long enough to see that happen but now it does not matter. What an irony!

Thanks for any help. Try to refrain from "it ain't fair", etc. It has happened. One thing we have learned is that if they get you by lying and breaking the rules, it does not matter. If they get you, they got you. Sure, if I had thousands and thousands of dollars we might have been able to escape these consequences but that did not happen.

As my love of close to 50 years likes to say....."what is, is"

Rick

 

[lwien]

Rick, being that you have used daily for over 4 decades, it's kinda exciting to think of how you're going to experience the world without any THC in your system. It could be something to actually look forward to, eh?

 

[Rick]

lwien....................you are so fucking right!
I am looking forward to this. I have to. I want to. I want to see what is under the fog. Been doing it since I was 21. Stopped for a few days when I had a bout with bronchitis. Ironically that experience led to an Eterra which led to Aromazap.

I miss you guys and girls. Just looking for a little help dealing with the clear weather.
I should say this topic may be foreign to many on FC. I know in the old days I wouldn't even read posts about how great T-breaks were.
T-break..........WTF? I ain't no addict. I don't have to prove nothin to nobody!
Life is the book of changes, eh lwien?

 

[Vitolo]

Hi Rick... Pat... Nice to visit at your new thread!
During times of shortage... prior to medical authorization... I found techniques that would help me to feel the portions of my brain that were active during medicated times.
To reach for this physical/mental manifestation, I found it was easiest to go farther back in my memory to earlier times... younger times... when MJ was newer, and the sensations were more distinctly "new".
Rather than avoid the representations of MJ like a tobacco addict tends to do to forget the nicotine...
I reached for the representations......
Because I am NOT quitting forever (as would a cigarette quitter)... just for a short time (a couple of years, in your case) ...
SO.. I want to experience (as you do) as close to the feeling of giddy, uplifting, euphoric, happiness as I can.
Smells help.
The smells of SPECIFIC Incense used when you got medicated in "the old days"
burn those same incenses, while you play the music that was yours during those times.
If you find anything that smells similar to MMJ, sniff it once in a while.
Keep that smell and the origin of the music in a special dedicated area... "memory lane".. and leave it so that the smells will emanate from there to other areas... and the sounds also.
leave it so that area can be seen easily enough but is not central to your path.
You will take the time when stress is upon you to go light incense and turn that music on.
and go about your business, and enjoy the sound and the fragrance. *(don't forget to sniff the MJ smelling thing on occasion).
When you feel that well being departing, look toward that area, and hear the sounds that medicate you, and inhale ... know your past, and let it be your present.
When you need it... GO TO THAT area, and stay there close to the scents and sound.
Be one with it, and more importantly.... be medicated.
You can find a way to be in charge of igniting that zone in your being.
Not just the chemical reactions in your brain, but in your soul.
One will help the other, depending on which is stronger that day (soul/tangible brain function).
Eyes closed now..... in that space..... music/scent..... and you remember how it was..... lift the invisible Zapstem to lips, and inhale.
What we are going for here, is the ignition of a series of chemical and physical reactions to all of the stimulus we provide, to bring us to that place.
It can stay with you until something comes along to "harsh your buzz"
You must work then to re-achieve what you have found.
Please try this, guys... it has helped me in the past.

 

[treeman]

I haven't been toking as long as you folks, but still pretty much daily for 7 years, I tend to consume a fair bit. I've always kinda' taken breaks though, a month off every couple of years. What I find almost every time is that the first 10 days are hard. Extreme boredom, can't sleep, a bit irritable, struggling to focus at times.
But after that (its usually quite tolerable after 5-6 days) its really quite nice. I've usually found that its easier to get a good nights sleep when I completely withhold my cannabis use. I feel sharper, and start to remember things I can't remember on a daily basis when I'm consuming. I also consider the vivid dreams a bonus.
However, once its done those first few tokes will be magic. I'm sure you'l enjoy it at points.

 

[lwien]

I also consider the vivid dreams a bonus.

Me too. Really enjoy them. I wake up and think, "WTF? Where in the hell did that come from". lol

 

[SD_haze]

Hi Rick... Pat... Nice to visit at your new thread!
...
Smells help.
The smells of SPECIFIC Incense used when you got medicated in "the old days"
burn those same incenses, while you play the music that was yours during those times.
If you find anything that smells similar to MMJ, sniff it once in a while.
Keep that smell and the origin of the music in a special dedicated area... "memory lane".. and leave it so that the smells will emanate from there to other areas...

Amen especially on this snippet.

My dad used cannabis hourly for decades but when he moved to harder things, had to quit everything.
Now he's over 25 years clean, but still a stoner at heart.
He'll light a big bundle of sage incense because it reminds him of smoking a big joint.
Plus, the smell is very reminiscent of cannnabis. It satisfies his mental hunger and he can stay clean.
(Until he gets glaucoma, he's mentioned!)

...
Being on supervised probation, I must stop using MJ. I had the first meeting with my probation officer Thursday. She set me up on random drug testing. Maybe some of you do not know about that one. I call every morning to find out if I am on "todays list". If my number is called I must go in that day for a pee test. Wouldn't you know my number has not been called yet!
Everyone in this situation expects my readings to be very high to start as I have been using MJ daily since 1967. Of course they want that to go down and down to zero as time goes on but high in the beginning would not hurt me much.
No matter. I have to do this so I am doing it. Cold turkey for several days now and I will stay that way as I do not want to start the process over again.
...
As my love of close to 50 years likes to say....."what is, is"

Rick

The THC drug testing can be pretty crazy when it comes to so many years of regular use.
If you can believe it, my Dad was tested by probation regularly for 6 months before he tested negative. Despite how high and resilient the THC metabolites were, probation knew that he wasn't using because every week the numbers would drop at the correct rate.
Note: This is far from normal and probably could only happen to those well over 200lbs (more fat cells)

@Rick
Moving forward, my best words of advice is:
sometimes you gotta fake it, till you make it

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

Benadryl and other first-gen antihistamines (hydroxyzine [rx], promethazine [rx], doxylamine, etc) are good for sleep. Well, they're good for sedation that leads to sleep. Benadryl (diphenhydramine) is usually what they put in OTC sleep aids, Tylenol PM, and such. Sometimes it's doxylamine. You might wake up a bit groggy but it sure helps.

 

[Rick]

Funny about the sleep aids. I have had two different doctors recommend Benadryl for a sleep aid. One says he uses it often. "sometimes the side effects are better than the main purpose for the OTC meds".
Thanks for all the personal history and recommendations.
I'm lovin it! Good to hear about dreams too. I have not had or been able to remember dreams for as long as I can remember. Uhhhhhh what did I just say?????????

.....still wired after a long day.............

 

[SD_haze]

Benadryl and other first-gen antihistamines (hydroxyzine [rx], promethazine [rx], doxylamine, etc) are good for sleep. Well, they're good for sedation that leads to sleep. Benadryl (diphenhydramine) is usually what they put in OTC sleep aids, Tylenol PM, and such. Sometimes it's doxylamine. You might wake up a bit groggy but it sure helps.

Yar when I was on vacation this summer with no herb, I had to use benadryl to fall asleep. Two and I get sleepy. Three and I am knocked out.

I did have a doctor warn against using Benadryl regularly because he said it "dries out the nasal pasages". Also heard you can get withdrawals using it super regularly.

Still, it works!
Especially when you have to get some sleep and you're all wired up.

 

[thesoloman]

Funny about the sleep aids. I have had two different doctors recommend Benadryl for a sleep aid. One says he uses it often. "sometimes the side effects are better than the main purpose for the OTC meds".
Thanks for all the personal history and recommendations.
I'm lovin it! Good to hear about dreams too. I have not had or been able to remember dreams for as long as I can remember. Uhhhhhh what did I just say?????????

.....still wired after a long day.............

If you want some white sage bundles, i would be more than happy to send a few up your way pm me

 

[Dafni]

Hey Rick! We never talked, but I read your story on here. Thanks for sharing and all the best for you and yours. I feel your pain, living in a very restricted area myself.

What always helps me when for some reason I can't use MJ is vaping legal herbs. Just throwing this out here... some plants have nice effects, calming and soothing and the like

 

[Enchantre]

I would suggest, if you are into medicinal herbs, adding some liver-supporting herbs, such as milk thistle, to your regime. Especially if you are going to be relying on pharmaceuticals for the issues you've used mmj for.

Your liver is very critical for clearing things from your blood - like old THC - and giving it TLC may get things done as quickly as the body can.

 

[jeffp]

Hey Rick, glad to hear or rather read from you again... above all, glad that you didn't lose your property.
I started smoking weed at age 14 in 1969, gave it up at age 20 - went through my college days essentially sober - started to revisit it as an occasional thing through the '80s til '98. I was embroiled in an elongated family court battle that lasted seven years so again - I gave it up fully during that period. I think I joined FC about six years ago. That's my reference point to when I started getting high again - a few months prior to joining. To this day there are still periods where I must or rather choose to abstain; sometimes for a full month. Not my idea of a good time but I accept it.

For sleeping during these periods I find melatonin VERY helpful, and it makes you feel nice and clear the next day as well. The trick with melatonin is to go to bed right after you take it, because within about a half hour there will be a window of sleep opportunity, that if not seized, will subside. It's also really good for lucid dreaming. I also find certain herb teas very beneficial and also slightly consciousness altering. A few that come to mind are damiana, oat straw and gotu kola. Pretty much anything that's sold at arenaethnobotanicals.com are of that ilk and consistently high quality. You might want to get into yoga and meditation as well - this will definitely help alot. You might find that a clear grounded "straight" head is a cool interesting new kind of feeling...

Honestly I find that the first few days without weed are slightly - very slightly - mentally "jarring" but it passes.

Thanks for touching base with FC again.... please continue to keep us updated as things unfold...

 

[Rick]

Tody was another beginning. My number got called on pee testing. I went in all ready to go as I am off MJ and I had nothing to hide. No way Jose. The old prostate or bladder sphincter just would not open. Memories of having to go in for an emergency catheter drain started pounding me. I have always had trouble peeing in front of others and it happened this time heavy. When you are on felony probation, you are watched all the way with a (nice) guy right there by your side. Got some insight into what makes urine.....Food(especially high protein), not water. So we went to our favorite hangout and I had a big Ribeye and eggs and hashbrowns(on special today $10). Waited all afternoon for the urge before going back in to try again. I really had my doubts as I have had the same feeling before...full bladder but cannot pee, even though I wanted them to have my pee. I want to show them wuz up with me. Anyway, long story short, I made it. I am sure the "attendant" laughed as I was proclaiming "thank you God" as I filled the cup.
Made it!
Also first counseling session with a very nice professional guy named Bill. I'll have more on the journey later but for now we will sleep very well tonight.
Three cheers for my love Pat(AKA Zaplady). She is so supportive and patient. She has been by my side when I just could not pee or could only dribble a little at a time so she knew we could be going into the Urology clinic for a forced drain.
We're good and the journey continues.
I have no regrets or blame. One day at a time.
Thanks for all the good info and insight from all.

 

[syrupy]

Wow that's a lot to go through in the last year or so. The only thing that comes up is to give yourself a lot of time, lots of patience, as you steer through these new waters of life without mj. Our brains get stuck to certain pathways, and when life deals a big change, it takes time to recalibrate.

Also, maybe look into herbal teas. They have a whole range of medicinal value. Some can really mellow a harsh day.

Peace.

 

[lwien]

.....she knew we could be going into the Urology clinic for a forced drain.

Regarding the forced drains Rick, if these start happening a bit too often, get your Urologist to show you how to self-cath. Beats the hell of going to the emergency room as well as giving you the peace of mind that if push comes to shove (pardon the play on words..........lol), that you can take care of it on your own.

 

[Rick]

Yes, yes. Lots of changes happening. I am real close to two weeks 'dry' now. I have no trouble at all with cravings for my life long bud.....er......buddy. I know the main reason for that is my buddy is now a hot stove. If I touch the hot stove, I get burned. It is my choice not to get burned and I have always been the type of person that can do whatever I set my mind to do or not do.

Some of you may not like to hear this. I know when I was 'active' here on FC, I pretty much ignored those who were taking T breaks and spoke of the good that came from it. I was a daily user and had been my entire adult life. Hell, I did not want to hear about stopping, even for a day.

Now I am in a different camp. I am still enjoying the clearing sky with the fog lifting ever so slowly. Last night I had the most dreams ever and I remember much of every dream. They were hit and miss but would continue as the night went on. They were all related to mostly current events with a bit of the past thrown in randomly. They were all good dreams. None were bad or scary in any way and in fact were happy dreams. All very goofy as dreams are most of the time. I also find I dream more in the second half of my sleep hours. I can wake up because of an aching body, roll over and the dreams will start again. Sometimes a continuation and sometimes a totally new one. I have never experienced this in my adult life which spans 46 years. So that is very exciting for me. Incredible detail too.

During the day, I have much more energy and am eating less. Especially the fun stuff like COSTCO peanut butter, my all time favorite. My weight is going down. I have always maintained at real close to 220, no matter what I did. All of the 'extra' is in my belly as my legs and arms are not chubby in any way. That is a bad thing for guys. A doctor once told me "If you get rid of that belly, you could probably stop the blood pressure meds and possibly the prostate meds". I am also experiencing a change in water consumption. I always drank some water but now am drinking much more water. I am also finding I do not have the urge to pee much. I thought, "wow with all this water going in, it will have to come out often". Nope, my body is using it somehow, and I am not retaining the water. I can tell by my legs and feet. They are as skinny as ever. Last year I got carried away with salt that started with Pats homemade chicken noodle soup. I noticed my feet swelling so stopped the salt and it went away. I also know I am not retaining water now because my weight is going down. So all that extra water is doing something good. Probably just flushing out the "T" or "C" that has accumulated in my fat. Whatever it is, I feel very good these days.

I walk faster without even thinking about it. Yesterday I cut and split more firewood and zipped through without any breaks as I had my mind on Spiritual stuff. Just loving whatever it is that is greater than me and my connection to whatever that is. Many of you know I have always been that way. The Master Flow I call it. I am even feeling closer to that. A clearer connection without all the fog. A constant smile. Loving my life, moving along day by day.

lwien, good advice but I think much of my problems were mental and related to marijuana. I am having no trouble with "the flow". My experience mentioned above was because it was a new experience in a lab with latex gloved attendants standing next to me and mirrors all around. I am a convicted felon so we cannot be trusted, even to give a clean urine sample. It was a surprise so I locked for a few hours. Plus I had not done it right. I had a V8 and a piece of toast for breakfast. If you need to make urine, you need to eat food with protein. I know that now. On UA days, I get steak and eggs for breakfast. How terrible is that?

Today, I was expecting my number to come up which meant a trip 33 miles west and I had an appointment with my PO which is 40 miles east at 11:30 so I was sweating it a bit. My number was not called so that one was out and I got a call before 7 from my PO putting her appointment off til tomorrow. I was already scheduled to go to CDA tomorrow so two trips turned to zero trips and tomorrow I get to cover everything in one day.

Doing just fine. Thanks again for the help. Happy Thanksgiving all. Remember, giving thanks should happen every day, all the time. One of the keys to a good life.

 

[lwien]

Rick, like I said in my previous post........."Rick, being that you have used daily for over 4 decades, it's kinda exciting to think of how you're going to experience the world without any THC in your system. It could be something to actually look forward to, eh?"

So glad to hear that you're enjoying your new reality. There's so much to explore at both ends of that spectrum (spectrum meaning both high to totally THC free).

Nice change though, eh?

I heard Keith Richards interviewed once after he was 6 months sober. The interviewer asked him how he feels now that he is drug free. His answer went something like, "Well, I got it down pat when it came to being high. I really did that well and really enjoyed it. Now I'm learning how to get "sober" down pat and so far I'm really enjoying that as well. It's all about exploration."

 

[Hexi]

Sucks to hear this man. I've gone cold turkey quite a number of times, sometimes a stretch of years. But I found myself medicating with less effective substances like wine and coffee. Another thing I got into for a time was working out a bunch, which is a good short term fix, but lead me to burn out on running/training.

Sex addiction also passed the time, but that was a really tricky one to deal with as I don't do strip clubs and hookers, over-sexing in a monogamous relationship as a replacement medicine is not good for the long term health of the relationship!

Looking back, I'd say the best choice for me was the focus on working out, but I would have done it differently, I would have done a long term plan for working out instead of just a short term focus on weight, waistline and how many hills run per week.

I thin in any crisis mode, a plan is key. Plan out your days, plan out your long term goals and start with something managable. For working out, I should have stuck with yoga and weights and some running. Instead I burnt myself out with MMA training.

If you have the time and $$, focusing on long term health can be pretty time consuming and a good way to manage all the hectic thoughts/feelings we all deal with every day.

I dont know how I would handle something like a probation, but working out is one of those nice little distractions if you can manage to find time.

-----------------------------

Which is the elephant in the room. Depression, a huge and growing condition for many western males nowadays. Depression is also linked to mj users who stop cold turkey.

The key is to not switch to booze and harder drugs, as this is often common with mj users who must quit for external reasons (piss test, probation whatevs).

There is also the 9 month honeymoon to beware of. Typically quitting cold turkey can lead to 2weeks-2 years of euphoria. An inflated sense of well being, atypical heightened mood. You know, going to work on a Monday morning and not dreading it. Not getting a raise at work and blowing it off as no biggie...

Then the crash. Often after the honeymoon of no MJ comes to a close (different times for different people) the hard reality sets back in and "normal mood patterns" can emerge. This is when people get back to normally feeling good, and bad without mj to moderate and control the moods.

This is the point when the "normal" and non-euphoric feelings can cause concern. Booze is a quick answer but won't actually fix the mood issue.

Having done both cold turkey and daily use, I could really go either way. For instance I went on vacation recently and brought some edibles (not my suggestion) but left my vape at home. We totally forgot about the edibles and I had no thoughts or concerns about not having my meds.

Of course when I did get back home, I vaped up nice and cloudy, but I wasn't jonesing bad or anything.

Prior to that, I did about 2 years cold turkey for no particular reason. I've been on 5-6 year breaks before as well.

So far so good with not needing anything like Zoloft etc... I do use mj to moderate my moods, and it doesn't always work and it certainly has side effects.

Anyhoot, I guess my best advice is BEWARE THE EUPHORIA of being "clean". It's actually sort of another type of high as the body resets itself, and eventually you get back to being UP and DOWN without any control over when that happens.

Worse case scenario is the Man Who Wasn't There. Instead of cold turkey leading to Euphoria leading to Ups and Downs, it's flatline no emotion for the whole way. Much harder to deal with and correct if you can't get high or low and can't seem to muster up energy to care one way or the other.... that's a dangerous spot.

 

[lwien]

..... working out is one of those nice little distractions if you can manage to find time.

For me, it's soooooo much more than a "nice little distraction". For me, not only does it help to keep my body healthy, but also helps to keep me sane. If I didn't run, my recurring bouts with clinical depression would definitely surface again. Of that, I have no doubt.

 

[Rick]

Hexi, thanks much for the insight. You help me understand concerns my counselor has about my recovery. He calls it "The Wall". He is concerned I will switch to alcohol for mood altering when times get tough. I am now also sure the euphoria I am experiencing at this time is common.
The thing is, I have always been a positive attitude guy. I can find good in just about anything that happens in our life or in the world. So I have a history of the cup being half full, never half empty. I am sure much of that was due to marijuana influence but it is now engrained in me. I see the opposite in many folks around me and will never go there because the results of that kind of thinking are also so very real. I'm 67 now so who knows how many years are left. I am not going to blow those years or days or months I do have left. Married almost 50 years, some grandkids and both sons doing OK in their own way, even though they are very different in their approach to lifes challenges. Our 'home' is Heaven on Earth, for country folk anyway. We have lots of good things happening to keep me focused. If the State of Idaho wants to get serious about taking some of our property for my making Aromazap, they will be in for the biggest PR battle ever imagined. In a way I am looking forward to that as I can do battles if necessary as some old timers around here have seen.

As for exercise, just living our life takes exercise. I have Bovines to feed twice daily, firewood(over 40 years of wood heat only) and a nice bunch of timber that always needs managing in some way. Our plate is always full with plenty to do that is physical. Heck, I am over 100 yards to anywhere I have to go around here, just one way. And when the farm starts up in the spring........well....more physical work. That work is so rewarding though. Our soil is so alive and ready to grow anything. This year will be the first for a full year high tunnel. We will be getting the goodies out nice and early for this far north.

So I hope I have the future bumps mostly covered. It is very helpful for me to read the different experiences of some of you here on FC. A very good addition to "counseling" through official institutions which I will also be doing and will also help me.

This is a bump in the road or a mud hole in the road. I very rarely do them more than once. As for your "man who was not there", I have had a little whiff of that guy and I do not like him at all. "I just don't care, I just don't give a shit one way or another". Yuk! That attitude is a great way to fuck up your life.

I also find a good nights sleep always opens up the real Rick. Raring to go and cannot get the smile off my face.

 

[Hexi]

Good luck Zap, sounds like you currently have a pretty active and full lifestyle! Chopping wood aint no joke.

 

[basement farmer]

First of all, I'm sorry for your woes.

But I'm very impressed with the way you are accepting the situation with dignity and grace. I commend you on your strength and am sure with your very positive attitude.

Many people would complain bitterly over the unjustness of it all, but you seem to putting it in a positive light and using it as a opportunity to enter a different phase of your life.

Lemons to lemonade my friend.

 

[PanicFreak]

Wow it's been some time since I last posted in fc, mostly because I have refrained from any mj use due to trying get a better job. I was a very frequent user myself, started around 14-15 but really got into everyday use around 18 and found the potent stuff in my early 20"s. I only would use the potent kind from there on out and honestly used it everyday, I even had to use in my lunch break and on my commute home after work. Had to
have some for fishing, camping etc. I was totally in love with it and had a passion for the stuff. I can tell ya, after being 43 days sober I do feel better. I still get the urge because I still hang around all my friends that partake, they are good folks and I would never count em out my life because they smoke a lil mj. I must say the first week was hard for me, after I passed the first week I have been all good. I still am having some really fucked up dreams, like the other night I dreamt I was at a party passing some glass around and literally felt as if it had happened. I woke up mad at myself because I honestly thought I had gotten high the night before, then I realized it was all a dream. As I said earlier I am on day 43, I took a urine sample yesterday an still tested positive. It is very frustrating but I know it soon shall pass and then I may move on to bigger and better things. I was fed up with something holding me back, and with today's economy we all need a good income. Not to mention I am keeping 120 bucks a week now, that's how much 7 grams of dank cost me and I used that much every week. I hope your journey goes smoothly Rick, I am taking it one day at a time and keeping in the back of my head that one day this may be regulated and taxed like alcohol for us adults. Till that day I just have to refrain and do what's best for me, as you are doing now. Keep up the good work and positive attitude and we all will make it through these difficult times.