I shut off the brain with oil... heavy indica. sometimes a hybrid works, too... today, I'm not sure what I've hit, as I have some reclaim I'm testing out, plus my "junk tub" of dibs and dabs... but couch lock is a factor, so it's working!
Exodux Cheese is my daytime concentrate in my pen. it calms it a bit... just enough. I'm functional, and I can focus on just one (okay, but only about a half dozen) thing. UW in flower form, at a pretty low temp keeps me awake, but quieter in my head. Higher temps.. couchlock.
I sometimes hate having the noise off... I feel a little lonely, a little bit like I've lost my analytical edge, but I also love not feeling like I'm always on high alert. I'm afraid that I'm no longer "me"... but then, when I do let it all wear off.... the noise sets in, and I'm a little disorientated, trying to pick out what mental thread I'm supposed to hold onto. verbal speed starts kicking in, and I'm blurting out encyclopaedic reams of information instead of single sentence (short phrase!) answers.
My childhood sucked, big time. my step-dads all hated me. could not understand me at all. go figure. I was a "book-worm"... a "walking encyclopaedia", I spent all my recess time in the classroom, reading (yes, I did read the encyclopaedia, as a matter of fact), and I was always the "know-it-all". Okay, not my fault that I actually did.
I can draw, a little. I wrote (lousy) poetry from when I first learned to print (age 5) - I have my first written poem - I have the 'photographer's eye', or did until my vision got old and I cannot focus well enough. My medium is words. and cooking. I can COOK! I can take almost nothing and feed a crowd, and make most of them happy while I do it!
The incredible novels in my head, however, I cannot find the words when I try to get them out.
my mother painted. my sisters, both very crafty. my brother was a musician and could also draw.. my other brother is a mechanic, and can fix anything.
I have thought of other ways that we, those of us who are Diverse, are elite... so many of us can see so well, in our inner landscape, that we are the creators of Magickl!! We dream up the things that do not yet exist, we create connections that never existed before... we are intuitive, and can often know things others never notice or cannot see. Wise elders, spirit talkers, walkers between the worlds, the priests and priestesses of mystery religions... and, of course now, we are logicians, mathematicians, programmers, healers, and artists....
Connections are my strong point. I see them. Often, almost tangibly.
I almost feel, now, that I have an evolutionary advantage....
