no way I would use online dating plattforms.
While it might be too soon to jump back on that horse (metaphorically speaking), online dating has been very, very good to me. I met my first wife on eHarmony and my second on OK Cupid. (That was edited. Used wrong services first time.) At least for older guys, it can work. In the meat market of youth, I have no idea.
she knows I consume.
that is not the problem.
the problem is I am stuck with my shitty life like a little boy.
she wants and needs a man.
I was a soccer bum for years and felt the same way. Not because of pot, but because of soccer taking up all my "growing up" time. At some point you make a decision and move on. For me, I, literally, came to Jesus and decided a family was more important than doing what I want and started making changes.
That being said, one complaint over regular use of cannabis used to be called the anti-motivational syndrome. Some say long-term use of cannabis might cause some disassociation from the reality of having to move forward in life. Some also have a reduced affect which makes it hard to emotionally engage with others. Finally, there may be executive function issues where, like in addiction, there seems no path forward. All these things look like they might be a part of what you're going through. With the additional stressor of a break-up, your coping mechanisms might not be healthy enough to overcome the problem.
We all are. I am as polite as one can be but am as troublesome as well. However, a problem with being considered too "troublesome" by your partner is that it is too vague. What does that mean? Unless there were specific examples or you know of specific issues, the accusation is unfair and not designed to further communication.
but I need the intoxication to feel myself and to become "in tune" with my self.
I dont want to hide my addictions.
I am honest and I use certain things to keep me going and to be better.
I want to be better.
You might want to take a bit of a break to see which of your thought patterns are being influenced by cannabis before making any big decisions. You might also find a friend you can talk to honestly so you can flush out some of the negative thoughts bringing you down.
Play hard. Consider your life like a balance sheet. Try to put at least one thing that is positive on that sheet every single day while generally trying to stay on the positive side of the equation with everyone you interact with. (Give more than you get.)
Play fair. Find some path that fits you. The map of the path has to be outside of yourself so that you have a check on your behavior. I choose the Bible. You may choose any work that makes sense to you. Don't let it be some ad hoc feeling because feelings change to make things easy.
Have fun. Once you get the balance down, don't forget to enjoy this life. Happiness is important to you and to those around you. Don't choose short-term things that are fun but that don't increase happiness. You might find cannabis is fun but that it is hurting your long-term happiness. You don't have to consider as to if quitting is important now. You should consider as to if some break wouldn't be better for your overall happiness.
You can do it. You can overcome. You can be happy.
I've actually been experimenting with matcha tea (green tea powder) to help clear myself up in the mornings, since it's the only caffeine product (other than chocolate I guess) that I can tolerate without getting jittery and uncomfortable. I haven't experimented enough to make a decision on that yet, but I do really enjoy the whole morning matcha experience and the fact that is a great supplement for many people.
