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Vaping Humor

Discussion in 'The Vapor Lounge' started by Olympus Mons, Jul 2, 2013.

  1. Olympus Mons

    Olympus Mons Probation Officer

    Messages:
    97
    Location:
    Oakland, CA
    Got any vaping jokes or humorous stories? Here's where we can vape and yuck up a lung!

    I can start us off with a little humorous tutorial for noobs on what NOT to buy, as far as equipment goes. (This is what happens when you mix vaping, cannabis, graphics programs, the internet, and too much time on your hands.)

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    Announcing two new products from QuickBuckzProz!

    Behold, the L-Cheap-O Plug-In Vaporizer and the Rippov Electronicless Portable Vapor Pen!

    L-Cheap-O plug-in vaporizers and Rippov vapor pens are manufactured from 100% rebranded imported Chinese materials and cheap e-cigarettes, and assembled right here in the US of A in my parents' basement, where I, Jessy Pinkman III, CEO of QuickBuckzProz, Inc. live and work.
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    The L-Cheap-O plug-in vaporizer features a handcrafted Mexican design and delivers a whopping 110 volts per hit! That works out to almost 220 electron volts/2 hits, our research team tells us! What else but a slightly better soldering pencil or any hair dryer can do that? Why worry about obscure, poorly understood, elitest phenomena like "volts" and "watts" and "hertz" anyway when all that really matters is nuking the hell outta your stash and getting blasted fast?

    The L-Cheap-O starter vaporization kit comes with a 110-V electron-based soldering pencil reactor core, galvanized wide-mouth inhalation funnel, 3-foot lamp cord with polarized wall plug, and several ratchet-socket cartridge sizes, including the Big Lug, which can also be used to change lug nuts on flat tires.

    The unit shown here is our Gentleman's Ambassador Assassin Class Gangstah Rapper Model 420 Pander Vaporizer, featuring the custom plastic 2-liter-soda-bottle inhalation cover design, and water-cooled mayonaise-jar vapor train with rack and pinion steering. Ice water not included, of course!

    Simply plug it in, wait . . . 15 . . . say, 20 minutes most, and the L-Cheap-O will vaporize anything! - fresh plants, moldy hash, Ronson Lighter-Fluid-based hash oils, even its own parts, and human flesh! The white-hot glow tells you L-Cheap-O is hot on the job!

    Burn, baby, burn! That's what vaporizing is all about!

    All our cartridges come in Standard or Metric sizes and feature our patented quality "ratchet-socket" design, which insures durability and high heat retention - so you can basically vape your whole gram of oil or wax in one quick session whether you like it or not! Poof! It's gone! And so are you!

    But wait ... just blew through a gram of Girl Scout Cookie wax and aren't really feeling that high? No problem, got ya covered! Just go buy more! The L-Cheap-O will burn up your stash quickly as your cash!
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    Need something more portable and stealthy? The Rippov electronicless portable vapor pen sports a sturdy Russian design featuring 3 basic parts:

    1. A large square of Reynolds-grade aluminum we call the "hot plate," upon which you dump your oil or concentrate, and can be used in one of two modes, shiny or dull;
    2. The time-tested, electronicless "Bic Ignition System" featuring 1-flick performance; and
    3. A flexible custom mouthpiece, adjustable to almost any angle, available in a variety of striped colors. (Specify when ordering.)

    Unlike most over-complicated "e-vape-pens" on the market today, the Rippov is not electronic. However, we do sell an "Electronic Conversion Kit" that will turn your Rippov into a sleek electronic unit so cool your friends will say, "You are so brave! I've never seen anyone chase such an evil dragon! Those parts must be Chinese!"

    Be sure to pick up one of our heavy-duty eco-friendly biodegradable organic dabbers, stealthily disguised as a wooden toothpic, now on sale for only $5 each!

    All or some parts are, or may be, covered under our exclusive "You Broke It Ah So/You Bought It Asshole" non-apologetic warranty, good until first use, or maybe not.

    Because the demand for these new products is so high, we are presently only able to take cash, bank transfers, cashiers checks, and Western Union via our web site.

    (Note: The claims that lead and heavy-metal parts in these products cause resperatory shut down, retardation, and a condition known as "nervous sphincter," have not been evaluated by the FDA and are lies spread by our competitors.)
     
  2. Enchantre

    Enchantre A short, pithy statement

    Messages:
    2,557
    Location:
    WA USA
    Do you take Paypal?
     
    SpruceGruve and Olympus Mons like this.
  3. Olympus Mons

    Olympus Mons Probation Officer

    Messages:
    97
    Location:
    Oakland, CA
    Sorry, Paypal has refused to do business with us for some reason.
     
  4. Ray Ray

    Ray Ray Active Member

    Messages:
    31
    Location:
    San Jose, CA
    I tried calling customer service....no answer. What's with that?
     
    Olympus Mons likes this.
  5. t-dub

    t-dub Vapor Sloth

    Messages:
    4,881
    Location:
    Oregon
    There is this guy I know that can do your product demonstration video . . . ;)

     
  6. Olympus Mons

    Olympus Mons Probation Officer

    Messages:
    97
    Location:
    Oakland, CA
    Thanks! He is my guy! Finally, someone who understands the subtleties of my flux-capacitor multitronic design and zero-point energy quantum batteries!
     
    Enchantre and t-dub like this.
  7. syrupy

    syrupy fumed

    Messages:
    1,499
    Guess how stealthy the PAX is.

    OK. How stealthy is the PAX?

    It's so stealthy, last time it came up missing, I finally found it.
    In my hand.
     
  8. Buildozer

    Buildozer Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,272
    Location:
    S. California
    I remember the first time I saw that video, I was pretty baked, and it took me about half of the video to realize I haven't understood a word of what this guy was saying :lol:.. Every word he used LOL.. He was hardly even using normal words to connect those crazy words LOL.
    It makes me think of this...
     
    SpruceGruve and t-dub like this.
  9. Deja Vu

    Deja Vu i don't ever wanna go to bed

    Messages:
    1,959
    Location:
    Travelling endlessly
    Warning: May cause Total Scrotal Implosion!
     
  10. syrupy

    syrupy fumed

    Messages:
    1,499
    A: Did you hear about Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin?

    B: I heard they broke up over his love of vaping. And sandwiches.

    A: It's true. She got sick of him hitting his Solo slo-mo at Togo's.
     
    grokit and Buildozer like this.
  11. Deja Vu

    Deja Vu i don't ever wanna go to bed

    Messages:
    1,959
    Location:
    Travelling endlessly
  12. Deja Vu

    Deja Vu i don't ever wanna go to bed

    Messages:
    1,959
    Location:
    Travelling endlessly
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    Buildozer likes this.

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