Maybe you could take something to calm you a bit, from conventional meds. To help at least the ansiety and whatnot..
And always try to keep a reserve stash, for as long as possible and as often as possible.
You have many disadvantages over there, but if you do a little of everything, the dry times won't happen so often and so badly.
MMJ helps me tremendously with both anxiety and depression and I'm taking pharmaceuticals for both also. MMJ helps enhance the effects and helps me stay at a lower dosage, than would be required. I'd probably be admitted to the hospital by now, for forced observation, if it weren't for MMJ. While the Celexa may keep me out of the dark place, the MMJ brightens it, adds color to it, etc. It makes me more aware of my surroundings and appreciative of the beauty of the little things.
As for the anxiety. My Xanax gets rid of the physical pressure in my chest, meditating can help get thru a rough patch... but with MMJ, I don't have the rough patches and it certainly relaxes me. No need for my meditation, except when I do my stretching, as it helps further relax the muscles.
I am a real med user and have real ailments and MJ helps me physically and mentally. Self medicating for quite sometime before MMJ came along, I can say that it can be hard to have access to quality meds. From what I have read on this thread the OP is fixated on the negatives and everyone's suggestions are useless to the OP. I am sorry, but it seems like the OP just needs to work on himself as a person first, then the rest will follow. MJ helps you see the person you are, or can be, but it does not create that person.
Same here. I survived something, only 3% of those afflicted with, have survived (aortic dissections both ascending and descending - above and below my heart, carotids to just above femoral artery, right leg. a single 6cm graft to repair arch, rest is still shredded).
I did almost a year of research before I jumped into MMJ. Even after having been a "stoner" thru Jr High, HS and beyond. I had plenty of experience with MJ. However, I didn't know shit about MMJ. After being teased for 6 months by a friend of the family to check into it, I finally did. I weighed the pros and cons. I considered my family's opinions, my doctors. The social stigma, everything. Still the pros, far outweighed the negatives. Best choice I made in my medical treatment in the almost 3 years since my dissection. It will probably be responsible for extending my life to... as BP, stress, anxiety and depression, all go hand-in-hand, all are the biggest threats to my well-being and MMJ treats all of them.