So What's Your Take on Kids Vaping/Smoking in their Parents House.....

[AGBeer]

I kept my smoking a 'secret' from my wife for a number of years as well, same thing from my own mother when I had moved out of their house. (Personally I never did it in their house)

Was its because Im 'addicted'? Well, I guess you could say Im addicted to not wanting to hear your shit. And I am addicted to not wanting to have to explain and defend my position and reasonings while being condescended to. There are some situations which warrant people keeping their snouts out of when it has NOTHING TO DO with them.

Ive always tried to be the most respectful of my 'disrespectful' (if you will) ways. Its always hidden, and I always consume when they are in bed or out in the shed.

How would I feel if my own daughter wanted to vape or smoke too? I would have no problems with it PROVIDED she was of the legal age to do so.
Her mom would kill her though so it really doesnt matter what I think

 

[lwien]

One thing to consider is "intent". Was your father hiding his usage because he felt that his using would give free reign on his kids using? His reason for hiding may have honorable intentions in not wanting to expose something to his kids that he felt was harmful. This, obviously, is not the case when kids hide their use from their parents.

I'm glad you brought up "intent" because that is what I often question with my father and this particular situation. My father went to rehab for severe alcoholism, and once he started going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings he got re-introduced to the medical properties of cannabis and smoking weed helped him stay off his far more crippling addictions and drug use. Smoking weed proved to be very helpful to my dad, and he knew that it was. This is why I am so confused as to why he insisted on keeping it a deep, dark secret for so long. He knew that both my brother and I smoked, so we weren't going to antagonize him. And even though my mother can be very irrational about drugs, I am sure that she would have struck a compromise with my father.

I guess in the end it just kind of kills me that honesty about marijuana in families could make for a much more peaceful living environment and maybe a little bit less ignorance, both in the older and younger generations!

P.S.- Please forgive me for taking the thread to a completely different topic :/

Danalee, you didn't take this off topic all. As a matter of fact, your story added another very valid facet to this discussion and is much appreciated. Thank you.

Regarding your Dad keeping it a deep, dark secret, one of the things that addicts have to deal with is guilt, and dealing with that guilt plays a major part in his recovery. He knows what damage he has caused to those that are close to him and the very LAST thing that he wants to do is to possibly continue that damage and I would imagine that that played an important role in him desiring not wanting anyone to know that he was using. While MJ is a much better alternative to alcohol, it sounds like he may feel that he just transferred addictions which brings back that feeling of guilt.

Talk about an armchair psychologist

 

[crawdad]

I am sure that she would have struck a compromise with my father.

[snip]

P.S.- Please forgive me for taking the thread to a completely different topic :/

he might not of shared your optimism about your mother who he has known longer than you (assuming typical arrangement here). i can only imagine how he felt about being able to use something so beneficial to his own life and therefore his family and not wanting to give it up due to ignorance or irrational deductions. from my limited knowledge it sounds like he made a wise choice for all involved.

i think its quite on topic imho, its all related...or perhaps i could say that it should be. reading the thoughts of others and how they arrived at their decisions helps me so its appreciated.

 

[danalee48]

he might not of shared your optimism about your mother who he has known longer than you (assuming typical arrangement here). i can only imagine how he felt about being able to use something so beneficial to his own life and therefore his family and not wanting to give it up due to ignorance or irrational deductions. from my limited knowledge it sounds like he made a wise choice for all involved.

This is what I've often thought too, because it must be scary to think about having to give up something that has helped him so much. I guess is really just bugs me that he would rather keep something helpful a secret from his wife and children than try and pass around a bit of knowledge about the subject. I can only imagine how terrifying it is to not know if your medicine might put a barrier between yourself and your loved ones.

 

[lwien]

I can only imagine how terrifying it is to not know if your medicine might put a barrier between yourself and your loved ones.

Give your Dad a hug and let him know how much you love him. It's the best medicine ever.

 

[danalee48]

Back to the core of the topic, what if the child (and I use that word loosely) is using cannabis is a beneficial way as well?

For example: when I began vaping secretly in my parent's place it was only before meals. The reason why I began was because I had gotten mono and been left with somewhat of an eating disorder. I had no appetite, which is a common symptom for the illness but I had also been left without an appetite for about 4 months after the worst of the sickness was gone. If I did try to eat my stomach would reject the food and I would get nauseous. I had gone for 7 days without eating when my brother suggested I try vaping a bowl and seeing if my appetite returned. It returned just enough so that I could eat a small amount without immediately vomiting afterward. Thus, I began vaping a bit before I would it supper at home. I noticed that if I could take four hits I would be able to eat maybe half a plate of food, and my parents were ecstatic that I could eat again. After a few months of that I eventually weened myself off of the vaping before eating and I was able to hold a fairly regular appetite

Is what I was doing disrespectful as well, even if it was helping me in a time of sickness? I know my parents wouldn't be happy if they knew what helped me gain my appetite back, but at the time it took alot of weight off of their shoulders to see me healthy and eating again. I just wish I could tell my mother about how vaping helped me instead of feeling like I would get in trouble for finding a "cure" of sorts.

 

[danalee48]

Give your Dad a hug and let him know how much you love him. It's the best medicine ever.

I have and definitely will continue to do so

 

[Nycdeisel]

It seems like just about everyone has done this at some point as a child, but as an adult, I see it as wrong. The biggest thing(IMO) that kids lack these days is respect. If its anyone, kids be respecting their parents. The fact that they dont will reflect upon their family relationships in the future.

If parents say(or dont say, but dont act either) that its ok, thats a different thing. But when kids know that they are strictly not for something, and they intentionally go against that, it is not ok. Thats my take on it.

 

[lwien]

Is what I was doing disrespectful as well, even if it was helping me in a time of sickness? I know my parents wouldn't be happy if they knew what helped me gain my appetite back, but at the time it took alot of weight off of their shoulders to see me healthy and eating again. I just wish I could tell my mother about how vaping helped me instead of feeling like I would get in trouble for finding a "cure" of sorts.

Disrespectful? Yes. But was it a valid reason to be disrespectful? IMHO, yes. There are pro's and con's to everything, so the question always has to remain, does the pros outweigh the con's or visa versa and the resulting answer then becomes our guide. Same thing applies to when or if you can tell your mother about this.

 

[OO]

i'd side with the parents if they had an informed opinion if not, i find it hard to support their decisions.

 

[fidget]

Is what I was doing disrespectful as well, even if it was helping me in a time of sickness? I know my parents wouldn't be happy if they knew what helped me gain my appetite back, but at the time it took alot of weight off of their shoulders to see me healthy and eating again. I just wish I could tell my mother about how vaping helped me instead of feeling like I would get in trouble for finding a "cure" of sorts.

Disrespectful? Yes. But was it a valid reason to be disrespectful? IMHO, yes. There are pro's and con's to everything, so the question always has to remain, does the pros outweigh the con's or visa versa and the resulting answer then becomes our guide. Same thing applies to when or if you can tell your mother about this.

That's a rather simplistic and reductionist approach to ethics.
How do you know objectively what weight to give to the pros and cons?

 

[lwien]

That's a rather simplistic and reductionist approach to ethics.
How do you know objectively what weight to give to the pros and cons?

Ok, so if you feel that that approach is too simplistic and reductionist in nature, what would you suggest as an alternative approach in regards to making a decision on just about anything?

btw, I don't see the weighing of the pros and cons to be simplistic at all for it can be a very complicated and time consuming endeavor because one not only needs to do the research, but also have the ability to step outside of their personal situation and look at the issue at hand objectively. Definitely not a simple thing to do.

 

[fidget]

That's a rather simplistic and reductionist approach to ethics.
How do you know objectively what weight to give to the pros and cons?

Ok, so if you feel that that approach is too simplistic and reductionist in nature, what would you suggest as an alternative approach in regards to making a decision on just about anything?

btw, I don't see the weighing of the pros and cons to be simplistic at all for it can be a very complicated and time consuming endeavor because one not only needs to do the research, but also have the ability to step outside of their personal situation and look at the issue at hand objectively. Definitely not a simple thing to do.

1
Write three questions you're trying to decide, e.g. "Which mortgage professional should I choose?"

2
Write up five to six "must-have qualities:" For example:
Integrity (What he/she says is consistent with what he/she does),
Professional Knowledge and Expertise (Makes Recommendations consistent with what I value),
Quality of Communication (Helps me understand quickly),
Accessibility (I can reach them when I need them),
Competitive Pricing (Rates and Costs are amongst the best in the marketplace), and
Reliability of recommendations (Shows me that live market data is consistent with recommendations so I can make a timely decision to choose them).
3
Rate the importance of each of these qualities on a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of how important each is to you (e.g. if reliability is far more important than anything, it gets a 10, if Competitive Pricing is the second most important but really not nearly as important as reliability you might give it a 5 or 6, and so on).
4
List your options (e.g. Bank Loan Officer, Realtor Referred, my current Loan Broker, etc.).
5
Provide a score on a scale of 1 to 10 for each quality you put down for that option. Do this for all options you put down (e.g. If your current Loan Broker rates are good with you, give him/her an 8' if you think they are average, give them a 5). This is a subjective scale, so it's up to you to score it as honestly as possible to make the best decision by the end of this.
6
Compute scores for each option by multiplying the quality score you gave your option with your target quality score, the one you created in Step 3 (e.g. your Loan Broker is 56: 8 [the importance of Integrity] 7 X[how well you rate them in that area]). Do this for all qualities listed in all your separate options.
7
Sum up the scores for each quality for a total score for that option. Do this separately for all options you listed.
8
Compute your target score by creating an option that encompasses the scores for the qualities you most value.
9
Divide each option's total score by your target score and multiply by 100 to get a total
The option with the highest percentile score (compared to your target) is your best choice.


But on Tuesdays and Thursdays i roll dice and at the weekend I alternate between going with my gut and total apathy.

 

[fidget]

As a keen poker player I like to think of it in terms of EV (expected value)
Expected Value = (Likelihood of Success * Benefit) - ((1 - Likelihood of Success) * Negative Effect)
Or you could try making a weighted pros and cons list with PMI (Plus/Minus/Implication) or a grid analysis of multiple criteria.
Or maybe a decision tree.

This actually what your subconscious does and is the root of your "gut feeling".

 

[crawdad]

Is what I was doing disrespectful as well, even if it was helping me in a time of sickness?

Disrespectful? Yes. But was it a valid reason to be disrespectful? IMHO, yes.

agree and each situation will be different. you making choices back then was part of growing up, you make decisions against advice of others all the time and sometimes its in your best interest and sometimes not. i think its pretty obvious it served you well in addition to the family even if they did not agree with it.

 

[SmokingElectricity]

to be perfectly honest. If I had a child, and this is what he/she wanted to do. I would rather them do it in the safety of our home, at least they won't be getting arrested.

If a kid is hellbent on doing something, they are gonna do it no matter what. As long as they have good grades and have a good head on their shoulder why not.

 

[george]

Highschool is when i first started using pot, i would smoke at friends' houses, in cars, and outside. I didnt need to smoke inside my house. I had friends with parents who smoked weed and let us smoke inside. After i got accustomed to weed though i wanted to smoke by myself sometimes, so i tried smoking in my room late at night. A couple times i got away with no one noticing, until one night when my mom knocked on my door during a hit, i went and opened the door and she said "you cant smoke in the house george, the whole hallway stinks" . I played dumb (i was high) and said i wasnt smoking. Lol. My parents never brought that up again though, they werent that mad. I found out over the next few months that my parents were pretty open-minded about the subject of pot, my dad especially. Which is interesting because both have admitted to never trying it. My dad was always a heavy drinker. Well they told me they didnt want me smoking in the house. So i respected that from then-on (sort of).
Once i got a vaporizer i started using it in my room all the time, the smell would not escape my room, and if my mom came in during a session she wouldnt notice anything. I didnt feel like i was disrespecting them because i wasn't stinking up their house anymore. I think that was their main concern. And i agree with lwien, kids who havent fully developed shouldnt be using drugs (in a perfect world) but really i don't think occasional use has hindered me at all, although i obviously can't know for sure.

 

[lwien]

I would rather them do it in the safety of our home, at least they won't be getting arrested.

So then the lesson here that you are teaching your kids is that it is perfectly ok to break the law, as long as you don't get caught and/or as long as you feel the law is unjust?

Not easy being a parent. Pretty fucking demanding job.

 

[tdavie]

Don't have kids, but....if I had kids, I would talk to them and make sure that they are accurately informed about the facts of drugs insofar as I know them or can glean them from non biased research. Can't stop them from smoking outside the house (and wouldn't try), and I would greatly prefer that they not 'use' inside of my house. Once they turned an age where I feel it would not be detrimental to their developement, I would consider allowing them to use inside.

Tom

 

[SmokingElectricity]

I would rather them do it in the safety of our home, at least they won't be getting arrested.

So then the lesson here that you are teaching your kids is that it is perfectly ok to break the law, as long as you don't get caught and/or as long as you feel the law is unjust?

Not easy being a parent. Pretty fucking demanding job.

where would you rather see your kid on a saturday night?

at home vaping, chilling, watching movies, ps3 etc

or at the county jail?

 

[lwien]

where would you rather see your kid on a saturday night?

at home vaping, chilling, watching movies, ps3 etc

or at the county jail?

Didn't realize that those were my only choices.

 

[crawdad]

I would rather them do it in the safety of our home, at least they won't be getting arrested.

So then the lesson here that you are teaching your kids is that it is perfectly ok to break the law, as long as you don't get caught and/or as long as you feel the law is unjust?

Not easy being a parent. Pretty fucking demanding job.

demanding yes, but i would not say that its "not easy". once you settle into a way of thinking you simply apply it, if i were confused about how to parent then yes it would not be easy. granted, some times its more demanding than others.

to reply to the emphasized text: in short, yes. i raise my children to be thinkers, conscious of themselves and all that is around them in nature (which includes people).

their decisions (if i have my way) will be based on natural laws of right and wrong that are made self evident through reasonable, logical and considerate thinking instead of solely on what has been mandated by a committee of elected officials.

they are to respect laws at all times but i dont consider breaking a law to be a matter of disrespect on its own. it really depends on the reason for which you break a law as well as the effect it has when you choose to break it. its sort of like respectfully disagreeing with someone but in this regard is done with action and in a way that does not cause harm to others and hopefully to yourself. they will of course be aware of the consequences.

 

[OO]

I would rather them do it in the safety of our home, at least they won't be getting arrested.

So then the lesson here that you are teaching your kids is that it is perfectly ok to break the law, as long as you don't get caught and/or as long as you feel the law is unjust?

i wouldn't teach them any other way.
this is a world of competing values, and some feel it's okay to enforce theirs upon others.

sometimes disagreements arise, but i wouldn't have my child live their life in a way they don't agree with, even if it means they're breaking the law.

 

[SalamiCity]

My parents know I do, my dad doesn't really care, my mom does a bit, but she cannot do anything and just wants me to be careful. I do it in my room, but I do it discretely, I respect my parents house and I'm not going to stink the place up, or put us in any danger.

 

[lwien]

I would rather them do it in the safety of our home, at least they won't be getting arrested.

So then the lesson here that you are teaching your kids is that it is perfectly ok to break the law, as long as you don't get caught and/or as long as you feel the law is unjust?

i wouldn't teach them any other way.
this is a world of competing values, and some feel it's okay to enforce theirs upon others.

sometimes disagreements arise, but i wouldn't have my child live their life in a way they don't agree with, even if it means they're breaking the law.

How 'bout teaching them how to change the law rather than breaking it along with teaching them about the consequences if they do decide to break it.

Just allowing your kids to vape/smoke in your house because of a fear of them going to jail if you don't is a real missed learning opportunity, the way I see it. Hell, even going to jail for a night is a learning opportunity.