You may need to be realistic about what actually exists. I think your criteria is a bit over the top.
I think the herbalaire ticks all the ones he wants, and even has the easy water filtration and bags so bonus.
Also, "must stand upright" do you mean just not "laying down" like an LSV? For example the herbalizer sits flat and stabilises itself, but I wouldn't say it sits up right.
Also OP, herbalaire is a session style vape. Works effectively with small loads as well but can easily hold over a couple grams.
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