It came out of nowhere today.
I was running errands after class in town. I've been feeling pretty shitty lately, a lot of pain and some headaches, but otherwise I was doing
okay. I was driving along, getting close to my next destination, a coin shop. About 500 feet away from the turn, it hit me. I felt my eyes lose focus and come back to normal very quickly, just one time. Soon, my face started to tingle a little bit, like pins and needles. I could feel the blood draining from my cheeks, and my lips started to quiver ever so slightly.
No.
300 feet away, I feel it in my stomach. The horrifying pull of the beast. I start trying to breathe slowly while focusing on not hitting anyone/anything, trying to just pull it together long enough to make it into the parking lot. I manage, eventually, to find a spot and turn the car off, put the seat back all the way, and curse everything in my life.
I didn't have my vaporizer on me.
I slipped up today. I didn't bring ANYTHING with me. I thought I'd be okay, I had just been dealing with pain most of the time, so I had a couple of my pain pills with me as well as a 28 bottle case of water in the car to stay hydrated. I totally went from doing okay, managing my pain with my lidocaine patches, NSAID, and a single pill in the morning with a small serving of fruit smoothie. I became arrogant. I didn't bring my vaporizer. I was getting heat/cold flashes, I started getting dizzy. My mouth was salivating like crazy, and I had to keep spitting it out. If I don't it'll make me puke up for sure. The only other shitty part about it is that every time I would get up to spit, I would get even more nauseous, so it was a balancing act of not puking and not puking while not puking. I spent 20 minutes in the parking lot fighting this nausea.
There were a few points where I did heave once, just once, and somehow concentrated enough to not keep throwing up. I wrestled it away without any cannabis, twice. Today I didn't let the beast beat me. After about 20 minutes the beast started to leave, and within another 10 minutes, I was slowly walking out of my car. By the time I reached the coin shop I felt much better. Verified my ID and I sold an oz of .999 silver, went directly to the dispensary located 1.2 miles away, and got some bubble hash. The drive there and home was mostly uneventful, thankfully. I was still getting some heat flashes but I could deal with that. I'm so glad to be home, I've vaped enough of this bubble hash to feel much better now.
@Vitolo, you are fucking amazing, man. I can't believe you fight this ALL the time. My nausea comes and goes, this is as bad as it's been in a while to be honest. Mostly just mild non-impairing nausea, which compounds the chronic pain. When it gets a little worse, I can't eat and sometimes don't even want to drink water or anything. To have to face that episode over and over and still have a smile on your face, such a positive outlook on life, to have time to help people here on FC and in real life, really is incredible. I thought of you while I was in my battle, I remembered what you had said some time ago about imagining a happy place to help distract you from the beast. All I could focus on was the sound that the leaves of the trees made in the constant breeze, and it helped enough to get me through it. Thanks so much man. I honestly appreciate you.