Some awesome posts in here, +1 for mental health!
I've been using weed regularly since 2007 (Started shortly after my 16th)
Smoking weed used to be a good thing for me, but then it turned into anxiety. I'd smoke too much. I'd go to parties and I'd be the guy outside the party...smoking everyone up. I'd literally interact with everyone, but just the idea of being cramped and surrounded by all these people would make me anxious. I was much more at home in the "stoner den" of parties growing up. Like at college house parties, I was always the guy in that room with the curtains on the walls
It was getting to the point though, that I felt that I couldn't really socialize without weed. I'd feel anxious. And then it got to the point where depending on the scenario, smoking weed would make me more anxious.
Depression was a big thing for me too. I shit the bed hard in college. I am not stupid, I graduated within the top 15% of my class (400 kids) and went to Pitt's main campus......that isn't easy to get into too.
I was depressed at college because it wasn't what I expected (this was my OWN fault)
I was depressed at college because of legal matters.
I got depressed after I did poorly, but instead of me ever just picking myself up by the bootstraps, I continually dwelled on how poorly I did until I eventually did so poor I had to drop out. (lasted 2 years total)
Then I was out of college and I was depressed that I squandered such a good opportunity.
I had thought I got my head right. I was still smoking regularly though.
I got readmitted to the school a year or two later, and bombed out again.
I have a serious issue with pushing my problems to the wayside. Out of sight out of mind. I still do to this day, but I've taken steps in the right direction and have started rectifying it.....I should be hopefully back in school in the summer (I need to email some people and get the ball rolling....time seems to slip by....meant to do this all week yet I actually did not do it)
Last year, I stopped smoking and started vaping.....THIS HELPED TREMENDOUSLY.
It got rid of the anxious feelings. It was a more "mellow" onset. I can still get destroyed, but rarely do I feel anxious while high, which IMO became like a 50/50 crapshoot when I was smoking.
Still, even with that, there are times I'd overdue it.
I recommend you guys to keep a log of your usage. I've done it all month, my last day is today actually. Its nice getting an "average" and knowing when I am over doing it.
I vape everyday, but I often plan on vaping and then get distracted so it's not like a "I need it now!" just that I would much prefer to be kind of vaped than sober. Gives me a bit more motivation, but a little too much will just couch lock me.
Go seek out a psychiatrist. Not a therapist. Not a psychologist. Therapists jerked me around and never gave me any help, I had to switch therapists multiple times in a practice because they kept quitting and I still paid $50 every time.......literally never got past the "introduction" meetings.
Psychologist generally gave me good advice, but wouldn't ever prescribe things. It was a soley "pick up your own bootstraps" approach and that actually wasn't good enough for me either.
My psychiatrist, is wholly anti marijuana......other than that, she's a doll. An older, slightly nutty doll (she believes the government is brainwashing us through marijuana and other substances....) but in general she seemed to "get me"
Others had prescribed me anti depression drugs such as Zoloft and Lexxapro. Those didn't help, they didn't make me feel depressed, but they didn't make me feel alive. This may be crude, but my dick literally felt muted on these....just like the rest of my body.
She perscribed me Strattera and diagnosed me with adult ADD. This has been perfect, because it gives me motivation and keeps me on track, but it actually not a stimulant so there is very little risk of you getting "spun up" into an anxiety attack.
It's not perfect, it makes my extremities sweat like crazy and also makes my sex life....strange. You can google, things don't seem timed up so to speak. Supposedly this goes away after you keep on a regiment, but it's gotten to the point where I feel it helped me & I don't need it everyday. Only on certain days where I know I'll need to focus hard....otherwise, its seemed to change my mindset enough that I don't put things on the back burner as often.
She also diagnosed me with Aspergers, which was also awesome. I'm a strange bird, and I've always been a strange bird. There were many times I literally thought I was going crazy because of how "warped" my perception seemed based on what people were telling me. A lot of my other "depression/anxiety" symptoms also can be attributed to this.
It was nice knowing that although I am looking at things differently, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm wrong or crazy, just that it's often an unconventional way of looking at it.
Was great for my parents because it gave them some perspective into me other than thinking me as just some lazy slacking stoner who can't get his act together.
Saw on facebook someone posted some article about the "extroverted introvert" ....I don't usually read those type of things, but this actually resonated with me 100% and is me to a tee. Not exactly pertinent, but it is good knowing how you are IMO.
I got to keep reading this thread, some great posts so far