Joke thread
- Thread starter Purple-Days
- Start date
Robert-in-YEG
Well-Known Member
A father sees his 5 year old son praying in the middle of the night......
He finds it odd but listens closely to it. The kid was praying 'Good night mommy, good night daddy, good night granny, bye bye grandpa'. The father finds it weird but doesn't think much about it. The next day he hears that his father in law is dead. The father finds it abnormal but thinks that it is just a coincidence.
A few weeks later the father again finds his son praying in the middle of the night ' Good night mommy, goodnight daddy, bye bye granny'. The next day he hears that his mother in law died in the middle of the day. The father now thinks that his son can predict the future and becomes scared of it.
A few weeks later, the father again finds his son praying but this time it was just 'goodnight mommy, bye bye daddy'. The father now loses his mind and becomes scared. He runs out of the house in the night. The father thinks that since it is his last day, he might as well live life for once. He spends the next day outdoors enjoying the nature one last time. The day ends and night arrives, but nothing happened.
The father is overjoyed and thinks to himself that his son was wrong and the earlier predictions were just coincidences. He rushes home to his family. The wife asks him ' Stu where the hell where you?, I have been calling you all day long on the damn phone'. He says ' I was just having a bad day'.
The wife tells him 'You think you were having a bad day, well try this, today my boss dropped dead in front of me in the middle of the day'
He finds it odd but listens closely to it. The kid was praying 'Good night mommy, good night daddy, good night granny, bye bye grandpa'. The father finds it weird but doesn't think much about it. The next day he hears that his father in law is dead. The father finds it abnormal but thinks that it is just a coincidence.
A few weeks later the father again finds his son praying in the middle of the night ' Good night mommy, goodnight daddy, bye bye granny'. The next day he hears that his mother in law died in the middle of the day. The father now thinks that his son can predict the future and becomes scared of it.
A few weeks later, the father again finds his son praying but this time it was just 'goodnight mommy, bye bye daddy'. The father now loses his mind and becomes scared. He runs out of the house in the night. The father thinks that since it is his last day, he might as well live life for once. He spends the next day outdoors enjoying the nature one last time. The day ends and night arrives, but nothing happened.
The father is overjoyed and thinks to himself that his son was wrong and the earlier predictions were just coincidences. He rushes home to his family. The wife asks him ' Stu where the hell where you?, I have been calling you all day long on the damn phone'. He says ' I was just having a bad day'.
The wife tells him 'You think you were having a bad day, well try this, today my boss dropped dead in front of me in the middle of the day'
Robert-in-YEG
Well-Known Member
A lawyer is out for a drive when he gets violently sideswiped, seemingly out of nowhere.
A police officer arrives at the scene to take his statement, but the driver keeps ranting on and on about the damage to his car.
"My beautiful BMW! The god-damned door was torn right off!"
The police officer rolls his eyes and says "You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. Here you are, going on about your precious car, and you didn't even notice your left arm was torn off in the crash."
The man looks down at the bloody stump, and with mounting horror, exclaims, "My Rolex!"
A police officer arrives at the scene to take his statement, but the driver keeps ranting on and on about the damage to his car.
"My beautiful BMW! The god-damned door was torn right off!"
The police officer rolls his eyes and says "You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. Here you are, going on about your precious car, and you didn't even notice your left arm was torn off in the crash."
The man looks down at the bloody stump, and with mounting horror, exclaims, "My Rolex!"
CANtalk
Well-Known Member
BabyFacedFinster
Anything worth doing, is worth overdoing.
Nerd alert: It's four spirits.
Robert-in-YEG
Well-Known Member
A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers......
The engineer quite upset, "What about them? We've had to wait here for 15 minutes!"
The doctor agreed, "I don't know, but I've never seen such incompetence!" The priest said, "Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let's go talk to him! - Hey, George, what's going on with that Group ahead of us? They're pretty slow, aren't they?"
The groundskeeper replied, "Ah, yes, that's the group of blind firemen. They lost their sight last Year when they put out the fire in the clubhouse. We always let them play for free."
The three became very quiet.
Then the pastor said, "That's sad. I think I will pray for them tonight.“
The doctor: "Good idea, I'll check with my buddy the eye doctor. Maybe he can do something."
The engineer: "Why don't the boys play at night?"
The engineer quite upset, "What about them? We've had to wait here for 15 minutes!"
The doctor agreed, "I don't know, but I've never seen such incompetence!" The priest said, "Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let's go talk to him! - Hey, George, what's going on with that Group ahead of us? They're pretty slow, aren't they?"
The groundskeeper replied, "Ah, yes, that's the group of blind firemen. They lost their sight last Year when they put out the fire in the clubhouse. We always let them play for free."
The three became very quiet.
Then the pastor said, "That's sad. I think I will pray for them tonight.“
The doctor: "Good idea, I'll check with my buddy the eye doctor. Maybe he can do something."
The engineer: "Why don't the boys play at night?"
Vitolo
Vaporist
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are at the back of a crowd forming around a street magician. The magician sees the four men come up to the show a bit late, and gets up on the table so they don't miss the next trick.
"Can you four see me now?"
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sí"
"Ja"
"Can you four see me now?"
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sí"
"Ja"
Robert-in-YEG
Well-Known Member
Maybe I vaped too much cannibas, but I don't get it.
I've been vaping all day, I'm tired, I've got a machine that won't update to Windows 10, it's past Hanukkah, New Year's Day isn't far, and I wish everyone a wonderful holiday.
Robert-in-YEG
Vitolo
Vaporist
"Can you four see me now?"
"Yes"-"Oui"-"Sí"-"Ja"
(speak the responses in order out loud.)
Robert-in-YEG
Well-Known Member
Like I said, I've been vaping all day.
My wife says too much cannabis will make me stupid. Maybe she's right. I know enough to keep her happy.
Robert-in-YEG
It's actually quite funny...........
