A guy is pulled over at 2 a.m. with a broken tail light and the cop asks where he's going at that time of night.
The driver replies "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body".
The cop asks "Who is holding a lecture at this time of night"?
The driver replies "My wife".
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When my wife was in labor I'd tell her jokes to take her mind off the pain but she wasn't amused. Must have been the delivery.