Joke thread
- Thread starter Purple-Days
- Start date
Three guys, a Nebraskan, a Texan and an Okie are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie Pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total" says the Genie.
The Nebraskan says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Nebraska." With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in Nebraska was forever made fertile for farming.
The Texan was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Texas, so that no foreigners can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Texas.
The Okie asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the state. Nothing can get in or out."
The Okie says, "Fill it up with water."
The Nebraskan says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Nebraska." With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in Nebraska was forever made fertile for farming.
The Texan was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Texas, so that no foreigners can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Texas.
The Okie asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the state. Nothing can get in or out."
The Okie says, "Fill it up with water."
Babylon Drifter
Black Taoist
An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called an artist.
Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, “I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer’s mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return, I expect to see it completed.”
Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise, he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this were hundreds of Indians in various sexual positions.
Furious, he called the artist in. “What the hell is this?” screamed the billionaire.
“Why, that’s exactly what you asked for,” said the artist smugly.
“No! I didn’t ask for a mural of pornographic filth. I asked for an interpretation of Custer’s last thoughts!”
“And there you have it,” said the artist. “I call it, ‘Holy cow, look at all those fucking Indians.'”
Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, “I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer’s mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return, I expect to see it completed.”
Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise, he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this were hundreds of Indians in various sexual positions.
Furious, he called the artist in. “What the hell is this?” screamed the billionaire.
“Why, that’s exactly what you asked for,” said the artist smugly.
“No! I didn’t ask for a mural of pornographic filth. I asked for an interpretation of Custer’s last thoughts!”
“And there you have it,” said the artist. “I call it, ‘Holy cow, look at all those fucking Indians.'”
Reg Prescott
Member
666Honeybadger
Unknown member
Called at the boss's office the not boss is waiting in anxiety unknowing of the reason for his being (there).
Boss:
"You really should work on your attitude! Do you even realize you are cursing all the time?"
Not boss:
"Aah, uhuh, i see... Yeah,I'm really sorry sir but i guess you are right... In my defense i did notice i started cursing more since my dad passed away, that happened in really sad , traumatic circumstances..."
Silence
Boss:
"Ooh, mmmmmkay, i see... Yeah, that makes sence, i'm sorry to hear that..............................
Hey, If you ever need a talk, i'm here you know...
When did this happen, i didn't realize, i'm so sorry?"
Not boss:
"The fucking drunk drank himself to death when i was fucking three, i swear to fucking god, that shit really left an open wound!"
All of the sudden there were two bosses in that room...
Boss:
"You really should work on your attitude! Do you even realize you are cursing all the time?"
Not boss:
"Aah, uhuh, i see... Yeah,I'm really sorry sir but i guess you are right... In my defense i did notice i started cursing more since my dad passed away, that happened in really sad , traumatic circumstances..."
Silence
Boss:
"Ooh, mmmmmkay, i see... Yeah, that makes sence, i'm sorry to hear that..............................
Hey, If you ever need a talk, i'm here you know...
When did this happen, i didn't realize, i'm so sorry?"
Not boss:
"The fucking drunk drank himself to death when i was fucking three, i swear to fucking god, that shit really left an open wound!"
All of the sudden there were two bosses in that room...
vapviking
Old & In the Way
Actual jokes I can tell the grand kids!
Babylon Drifter
Black Taoist
An engineer died and was mistakenly sent to hell. Fairly quickly, he had redesigned the place. Hell cooled down considerably thanks to the air conditioning he built and installed. The escalators and elevators worked just fine. Manual labor was quickly becoming a thing of the past.
God looked down one day and noticed all the changes. He called down to the devil to ask how these improvements came about.
The devil replied, “That engineer you sent me.”
“What engineer? You’re not supposed to have an engineer. Send him back up here!”
The devil’s answer was simple… “No.”
“If you don’t send that engineer back right now, I’m going to be very angry. In fact, I’ll sue you!”
The devil replied, “And . . . where are you going to get a lawyer?”
God looked down one day and noticed all the changes. He called down to the devil to ask how these improvements came about.
The devil replied, “That engineer you sent me.”
“What engineer? You’re not supposed to have an engineer. Send him back up here!”
The devil’s answer was simple… “No.”
“If you don’t send that engineer back right now, I’m going to be very angry. In fact, I’ll sue you!”
The devil replied, “And . . . where are you going to get a lawyer?”
