Joke thread

[Qbit]

well, I do like to fart,...

I respect a man who appreciates the finer things in life.

But I have been married coming on 10 very happy years,.... not in a row, we have been married 16 HAHAHAHAHAH

Hehe I hope YOH doesn't have a habit of visiting this site.

 

[lwien]

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street. A little boy is walking down the other side of the street.
The priest says "I sure would like to fuck him"
the Rabbi says "out of what?"

Ok. I thought of just letting it go, but I can't. I just read through this whole thread, and there wasn't any anti-semitic jokes other than this one, so I got to call out this one for what it is.

Stereotyping Jews as money grubbing people that wouldn't think twice about screwing someone out of their money would be no different, as an example, as stereotyping afro-americans as dumb, or American Indians as drunkards, and it really doesn't matter if it's disguised as a joke, or not.

Now yeah, I know what the responses are going to be here. Get a thicker skin, or don't take everything too seriously, or, hell, it was just a joke, lighten up but please understand this. Unless you have grown up in an ethnic group that has been persecuted for centuries, or even just for a few hundred years, you may not understand the sensitivities here. I am Jewish and proud of it. And as you, Bruce, who has the right to make an anti-semetic joke that apparently falls within the forum guidelines, I have the right to confront it, unless of course, that confrontation falls outside of the forum guidelines.

What is nice though is that there weren't any more of these kinds of jokes following this one, so it appears that there are others here who have a bit more empathy.

I don't want to carry this into a big drama issue, so there will be no more postings on this subject from me. I just felt compelled to say something. I have and there's nothing more to say.

 

[Bruce@Zephyr]

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street. A little boy is walking down the other side of the street.
The priest says "I sure would like to fuck him"
the Rabbi says "out of what?"

Ok. I thought of just letting it go, but I can't. I just read through this whole thread, and there wasn't any anti-semitic jokes other than this one, so I got to call out this one for what it is.

Stereotyping Jews as money grubbing people that wouldn't think twice about screwing someone out of their money would be no different, as an example, as stereotyping afro-americans as dumb, or American Indians as drunkards, and it really doesn't matter if it's disguised as a joke, or not.

Now yeah, I know what the responses are going to be here. Get a thicker skin, or don't take everything too seriously, or, hell, it was just a joke, lighten up but please understand this. Unless you have grown up in an ethnic group that has been persecuted for centuries, or even just for a few hundred years, you may not understand the sensitivities here. I am Jewish and proud of it. And as you, Bruce, who has the right to make an anti-semetic joke that apparently falls within the forum guidelines, I have the right to confront it, unless of course, that confrontation falls outside of the forum guidelines.

What is nice though is that there weren't any more of these kinds of jokes following this one, so it appears that there are others here who have a bit more empathy.

I don't want to carry this into a big drama issue, so there will be no more postings on this subject from me. I just felt compelled to say something. I have and there's nothing more to say.

You have very valid points. I would like to point out that I am Jewish as well. I understand your point but I still find humor in Jew jokes,.. I won't post more here as I didn't understand the sensitivities. I guess from the lack of other protests, priest jokes are still fair game?


*Edit* I was trying to let it go as well but you are right with everything you said get a thicker skin, don't take it so seriously, Hell, it was just a joke, lighten up. because I did grow up in a Jewish household in Texas no less. I did deal with real antisemitism and I think that Humor and being able to laugh at ourselves is one of the things that has kept the Jewish people so strong. I think knee-jerk reactions and over sensitivities help to promote some of the very stereotypes that we as a people are trying to overcome. There are a couple priest jokes, some gay jokes and anti feminist statements on here as well, I don't see anyone standing up for those groups and I am certain there are gay, lesbian and religious members here on FC. It was a joke man, posted in a joke section.

 

[lwien]

*Edit* I was trying to let it go as well but you are right with everything you said get a thicker skin, don't take it so seriously, Hell, it was just a joke, lighten up. because I did grow up in a Jewish household in Texas no less. I did deal with real antisemitism and I think that Humor and being able to laugh at ourselves is one of the things that has kept the Jewish people so strong. I think knee-jerk reactions and over sensitivities help to promote some of the very stereotypes that we as a people are trying to overcome. There are a couple priest jokes, some gay jokes and anti feminist statements on here as well, I don't see anyone standing up for those groups and I am certain there are gay, lesbian and religious members here on FC. It was a joke man, posted in a joke section.

Ok, one last response from me and I promise that it will be my last.

When you make a priest joke it is obviously about a priest. There's been a lot in the news lately of child molestation within the Catholic church, so when you make a joke about a priest, it is obvioulsy just about a priest. There is no way in hell that anyone could possibly imply that you are stating that ALL Catholics are child molesters. But..........when you talk about a Rabbi being money grubbing crook, you are not just talking about Rabbis, but rather the whole Jewish race. Big difference.

When you told that joke, Bruce, no one knew that you were Jewish. No one knew that you were laughing at yourself. And therein' lies the problem.

Ok, NOW I'm done. I promise not to respond anymore to this.

Over........and out.

 

[Bruce@Zephyr]

I love you anyway,... someday a big ol hug

 

[jeffp]

when I was a kid in jr. high school we had this drunken antisemetic gym teacher, "coach bierman" as the study hall monitor. once he cornered this kid, forgot his name, we'll call him "goldstein" - he swaggered up to him, said, "hey goldstein, i hear you been being bar mitzvahed. i hear'd that's supposed to make you a man."

like john wayne in a stupor...

i have to admit i still find that funny 40 years later...

 

[Bruce@Zephyr]

This one could go on forever.

What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?
She screamed her hands off.

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would run away too if your name was "arrguuggaaassd"

 

[jeffp]

"Mommy, the lawn mower just chopped off my leg!"
"Well for heaven's sake don't come in, I just mopped!"

 

[Bruce@Zephyr]

"Mommy I want to go outside and play"
"Shut up and deal"

*Edit*
Mommy I can only go in circles
shut up or I will nail your other foot to the floor.

 

[jeffp]

"Mommy, Daddy looks terrible."
"Shut up and finish your plate."

*Edit*

"Mommy, the steamroller just ran over Daddy."
"I'm in the bathroom, just slide him under the door."

 

[Bruce@Zephyr]

"Mommy, There's something in daddy's eye!"

"Shut up and eat around it"

 

[Bruce@Zephyr]

I said I wouldn't tell anymore antisemitic jokes,... this one should be safe.

What do you call a Jew that flies an Airplane?


A Pilot ( You bunch of Racists)


HAHAHAHHAHAH

 

[jeffp]

Mommy, Mommy! Billy won't let go of my ear.

Billy, let go of Susie's ear.

Billy! Let go of her ear!

All right Billy, give me the ear.

 

[Qbit]

OK well I'm half Finnish, so I can tell this one:

One Finnish guy meets his pal in a bar.

They order a bottle of vodka.

They sit there at the bar silent, pouring and downing shots one after another until it's empty.

Then, wordlessly, they order another one.

Again, shot after shot, with not a murmur between then, they finish it.

Third bottle, and they're half way through, when one says: "Yeah." (Or, in Finnish, "Joo.")

The other guy slowly turns to his friend and say, "Are you here to talk or are you here to drink?"

 

[jeffp]

There was a little girl called Poep-Harder. Her friends came and knocked on the door and asked if they could play with Poep-Harder. 'Sure,' said her mother. 'She's on the toilet, but I'll call her.'

The mother stuck her head into the passage. 'Poep-Harder!' she shouted. 'Your friends are here to play with you!'

Silence. 'Poep-Harder!' shouted the mother.

Another silence. 'POEP-HARDER!' screamed the mother, in exasperation.

'Give me a break, mom,' came a voice from the toilet. 'I'm poeping as hard as I can!'

 

[lwien]

Father goes duck hunting with his son.

"Ok, son. Here's what I want you to do. I want you lay very low in the grass. Be very, very quiet. Wait till the ducks are right over head. Until they are, be very, very quiet. As soon as they're overhead, come up shooting"

"Ok, Dad. Gottcha"

So.......here they are, father and son, laying low in the grass, on a very quiet early Sunday morning. Way off in the distance, they can hear the ducks approaching. Father whispers to his son....."Now remember son, be VERY quiet. Don't make a sound until they're right overhead.

But.......before the ducks arrived, the father suddenly gets up firing his shotgun all over the place.

"DAD !!! What the hell? You told me to keep really quiet till the ducks were overhead, but before they even got here, you get up shootin' everywhere. What the hell?"

"Son, remember the last time we went hunting and a black widow spider crawled over my hand and I didn't get up shooting?"

"Yeah.

"And remember when when a bunch of red ants crawled down my shirt and I didn't get up shooting?"

"Yeah".

"And remember when a tree limb broke and came down on us and I didn't get up shooting?"

"Yeah"

"But when two squirrels crawl up the leg of my pants and say "Should we eat 'em here or take them with us, than I come up shootin' !!!"

 

[brandonflav]

=

 

[Qbit]

An imam walks into a bar and says, "Hang on - I don't drink." And walks out.

 

[Bruce@Zephyr]

an elephant with amnesia walks into a bar and destroys it. Again

 

[Bruce@Zephyr]

A dinosaur walks into a bar and eats the chick sitting to his left. After about a half hour he tells the bartender that he doesn't feel well. The bartender says "maybe it was that bar bitch you ate"

* edit * the joke here is "barbiturate"

 

[Ash]

Hey Bruce, sounds like someone's been shot down a few times.

 

[Bruce@Zephyr]

Hey Bruce, sounds like someone's been shot down a few times.

I think perhaps you missed the point of that joke.

 

[jeffp]

This retarded kid is starting his first day of school. He walks down to the bus stop and waits for the bus to take him to school.

The bus eventually drives down the road. The kid stepped into the street and yelled, "Bus stop!" in a slurred voice.

The bus drives off without picking him up. He went back home, told his parents and he was encouraged to try again.

The next morning, he stood in the road and yelled "Bus stop!" in a slurred voice and the bus driver ran him over.

The boy went back to his parents and told them, to which they were majorly pissed off.

The next morning, they came down with the boy to the bus stop to talk to the driver.

The bus came past and the door opened. The father of the boy asks, "My boy needs to go to school each morning, but you run him over, how come?"

The bus driver says in a slurred voice, "He keeps making fun of me!"

 

[Progress]

Jeff, why was the kid making fun of the bus driver if he wanted the bus driver to pick him up for school (just kidding ). Good one.

Bruce@Zephyr - A dinosaur walks into a bar and eats the chick sitting to his left. After about a half hour he tells the bartender that he doesn't feel well. The bartender says "maybe it was that bar bitch you ate"
* edit * the joke here is "barbiturate"

Bruce,

I heard that after the dinosaur ate the chick at the bar, he stormed towards the bathroom in desperation, trying to get the taste of the bar bitch out of his mouth. All he could find was a can of cleaner called "Biss" Cleanser. He quickly swished and downed some, and came out of the bathroom feeling much better. He said to the bartender, "Dam, I used some of the 'Biss' cleanser that I found in the bathroom to get rid of the nausea from the nasty-tasting bar bitch that I ate, and my stomach feels great! I could almost even eat another bar bitch.". The bartender replied, "Yeah, sometimes a little can 'o Biss can really help settle an upset stomach and make you feel pretty good at the same time".

edit: If you don't get this one, then you wouldn't like it even if you did (Can 'o Biss )

 

[Bruce@Zephyr]

Nice take on the theme!