Damn bro, you shoulda popped over to the dear Dorkus thread for some quality advice.
I can sort you bro, no probs.
Here have one on the house.
I can really relate dude. I had an unfortunate incident a few years back where I walked in on my wifes whale of a sister getting changed. Shes is a scary 190lb 4ft nothing she-beast complete with scabs and meth mouth to boot.
Every now & again when I am pleasuring mrs dorkus, this most foul & tainted image may pop into my head rendering my recently mighty member somewhat flaccid. After some gymnastics something akin to playing pool with a piece of rope, my once mighty member required a splint made from some ice cream sticks & some gaffer tape.
Well unbelievably, said procedure added substantialy to the girth & a little length of 'little thor'.
Mrs dorkus is well satisfied once again & now I can pretty well now use my knob to hammer in nails & bludgeon the local youf (aka youth) into submission.
Mind you tho, if you go smacking teenagers in the face with your knob, it just might end with some pointed questions from the constabulary. The odd parent might have issue as well. but if they did their job in the 1st place it wouldnt be necessary for me to knock their kids teeth out & blacken both their eyes with my now near bullet proof cock.
Fuck me, (I mean you) I cant be everywhere sorting out everyones fucking crap.
Take some responsibility for your fucking brats & start smacking them around with your own dick for chrissakes.
Anyhoo, the advice was free. But the invoice for the housecall to another thread runs to 2 grams of shatter.
Pls pay on the way out.