Aww MP that’s very nice of you to say. many of you have said some sweet things in my absence & i must say Im very flattered.
Im glad my silliness achieves the goal of giving some peeps a chuckle when they need it the most.
Im sorry I haven’t been around as much lately, but I have been looking after my sick grandmother.
It appeared she had developed this strange penchant for Japanese porn in the search spiritual enlightenment in her latter years.
She asked me for some help & I started searching online.
So, I got her some freaky bukkake vids & some footage of the donkey show in Thailand.
@Stu was the back half of the donkey costume &
@mvapes was the front. Some little thai chick disappeared her forearm into the donkey ass and pulls out a clown on a unicycle!
TOTES AMAZEBALLS!
Anyhoo, when the DVD ‘s arrived in the mail, Grandma grabs the package and runs up stairs shrieking. ‘I’ll be coming soon Lord.’
OMG what a horny old broad!
No wonder grandad died, she prolly shagged him to death.
Next thing she is swearing & cursing. Asking me what sort of fuckwit was I?
And whether or not I really, truly was a retarded dickhead?
Turns out she wasn’t after Japanese porn after all, I totally misunderstood.
She has had enough of me in general & has decided to stop stealing oxygen from the young people.
She originally asked me for some help with ‘youth in asia’.
So I got the horny old bitch some Japanese porn.
Woops my bad, but in my defense.
Who doesn’t like Japanese schoolgirls shitting in the mouth of middle aged businessmen??
Classic stuff
Am I right?
When in reality all she wanted was a plastic bag and a big, long hug.
Too fucken easy.
A big friggen green garden waste bag with a big orange draw string & some gaffer tape, then I got her to lie in a carefully prepared hole.
Well I just plonked her in there TBH.
I sat there and had a couple of beers & she just kept on fucken talking.
Something about how she wished she had the bukkake mag to read whilst she waited.
So I picked up the shovel, filled it in
and here I am.
I think caring for seniors is a giving, rewarding vocation.
I have placed a craigslist ad.
WANTED- FECALLY CHALLENGED SENILE SENIOR CITIZEN FOR CARING CARER.
Does your Mom or dad shit themselves constantly and yell ‘Wheel of fortune’ answers at the tv when its ‘Family Feud’ time?
Well you don’t have to listen to how things were in the good old days any more! Nor do you have to wonder how the yellow stains ended up at the back?
Pack that senile old fucker up & send em to-
Dorkus’s twilight home for the permanently confused.
Where everyones a winner!
All the donkey porn they can handle & a big hug at the end of the day!
I think Im on a winner with this one.
