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Dealing with Grief - Cannabis?

Discussion in 'Medical Discussion' started by toecutter, Jan 16, 2017.

  1. toecutter

    toecutter Active Member

    So yada, yada, yada, I'm working through some fresh grief, for the last three days. I'm trying to (and so far relatively successfully) deal with it, without much alcohol. I've had maybe a six pack over the last three days, so for me I'm keeping it in check.

    That leaves cannabis, and I've benefited from it for sure. The magic bullet at the end of the day seems to be 2 beers and a few hits. I can get anxious with MJ sometimes, but between the beer and the fact that I'm sticking to an Indica heavy hybrid, I'm able to use cannabis to ease the pain w/o wigging out.

    I guess what my (mostly rhetorical) questions are; any perspectives from others who have used MJ for grief? To what extent am I not dealing? I'm not baked all day, but I think I'm going to want to do this for every night, for some time. I'm not saying daily use is bad, though I typically don't, or can't actually do so, and function. I'm already a flake by nature. I guess I'm afraid I'm going to mask, rather than treat. Granted, I could just be full of shit.
  2. Silat

    Silat When the Facts Change, I Change My Mind.

    I do not have an answer for you but I am sorry for your grief. I hope it fades quickly.
  3. CarolKing

    CarolKing Singer of songs and a vapor connoisseur

    @toecutter sorry for your loss. You do need to go through the grief process hopefully cannabis won't make it worse. Good to stick with a pure Indica. When feelings are so raw there's nothing wrong with masking it for a while. I'm no professional just life experience. I personally don't take stress and anxiety very well.

    When I go through grief there is the disbelief then there is the devastated feelings and sadness. I know that I'm doing better when I get to the angry state then comes the acceptance.

    Life is hard sometimes we need a little help along the way. Some of us more so and that's OK. Hang in there.:)
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2017
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  4. looney2nz

    looney2nz Research Geek, Mad Scientist

    So Cal
    Condolences on your loss.

    While working through stuff with a grief counselor, I would incorporate highCBD medication as much as possible, as it will help alleviate your anxiety and improve your mood. I use a 1-1 ratio strain, and have tried everything from that through 21-1 (CBD to THC) ratios. The higher ratio, the less stoney it will be, but the CBD brings a different benefit. @ 1-1 with all the terpenes, the entourage effect is so nice :) When I could get my hands on a good organic Cannatonic (it was 16% CBD and 5-6% THC) I could function and get things done while getting the benefit of some pain relief, some muscle tension/spasm relief, being calmer.

    Whether you're a flake or full of it... a counselor who deals with grief (among other things) would be very valuable for awhile.
  5. toecutter

    toecutter Active Member


    Thank you. I hadn't thought of using a CBD strain. I think that sounds like a great idea.

    I'm hoping to meet with my therapist soon (in a week or two after I've taken care of the deceased affairs). I'm not sure if grief therapy his his thing and will look for one if he doesn't feel qualified.

    Thank you again.
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  6. OldNewbie

    OldNewbie Well-Known Member

    Grief is generally not a disease to be cured, but a process to adjust to loss. One cannot avoid grief and still adjust to the loss. Working extra hours, drugs, alcohol or other avoidance strategies are not going to help in the long run as they become a part of the adjustment. Therapy helps, even when there are not complications to the grief that REQUIRE help, because it gives you the information to know the sign posts of progress and what to expect during your grief. Tips on working through some of the common problems (Forgiving yourself, forgiving the deceased, not wanting joy as it is unfair in some way.) can be learned and it is always nice to know others have been where you are and made it through.

    I think the Jewish theory of having a week sitting Shiva is a good one. Pity we can't always have a week of doing nothing but considering what was lost as part of our general culture.

    Be careful with any group therapy you might attend. It was good for me at first (After my wife died.), but after a while you can see there are a lot of ineffectual reasons to stay in one. Some people had been in one I was for years and always told the same stories of pain. It was like the group became a support group where people could complain and get praise even without changing anything. While I'm sure some of the long-term members had a complex grief situation, the group seemed enabling the grief rather than helping move through it.

    Everyone is different and anyone who tells you how you should grieve is wrong. Suggestions are great. But, you are the one going through your unique situation with all the prior history and thoughts and things done and undone with the person who has passed. Listen to others but their best helping behavior is to be with and/or to listen to you. One thing that helped me is a friend offered to make a memory quilt for me and asked what to put on it. The time I spent thinking of that gave me a perspective of my wife's life in a way I had never considered before. The process of thinking about what nine scenarios (the quilt design) would best represent a life. I got to ask her and my friends too. Determining the last nine things to define a life I loved was very healing for me. You must find what you need to process everything.

    One scary thing I did was, whenever I was talking with anyone with any relationship with, I made sure to try to set a date with to meet. (Usually, for a meal.) Even more distant friends. "Is there anything I can do?" they'd ask and the answer (Until I learned.) was "no". Once I realized what I needed, I would reply with a "Perhaps we can meet for dinner Saturday?" Young, old, close or distant it did not matter. I went to a lot of dinners and talked to a lot of people in the time after her death and I regret nothing. I got some relationships closer and found some that needed more distance. But, that was me. I tend to be a bit introverted and if I had not actively tried to avoid a personal cocoon of comfort I'm sure I would have gone to ground in my home and not stepped out to the sun. You have to find your things to overcome. You have to find your coping strategies. With your description, it seems you are worried about not stepping up and doing what needs to be done in the next days. What can others do that assists you in taking care of business?
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  7. herbalist33

    herbalist33 Well-Known Member

    Just before last Christmas my best mate killed himself. The year since has been a really really weird one, in that I have been functioning normally in some respects (work, eating etc), but in other aspects I have been really not with it at all.

    There have been distinct moments where I feel like my mind has cleared, and I look back at the previous few months and think 'Jeez, I have not been myself at all', and think that I've come through it, only to find that a month or two down the line I have the exact same realisation that my thought processes still are kinda not right.

    Throughout the whole time, I've been high everyday (which is pretty normal to be fair), but I also was drinking quite regularly- not getting really drunk, but having 2 or 3 beers a day whilst also hitting the herb.

    I feel the herb kinda helped me function and keep myself together, but I also feel that it may have prevented me from going through the full process. It's kept me distracted. For the first few months, my mind wouldn't even let me think about what he'd done. Even when I tried to think about it, before I knew it my mind would have wandered and I'd be thinking about something else. I do kinda worry now that perhaps I havnt quite come to terms with everything yet because I've 'medicated' my way through it. I guess time will tell whether I'm still gunna have to go through the motions of dealing with what's happened, but in myself at the moment I feel good.

    I noticed however, that I experienced a few scary months where my short term memory was completely trashed. As in not being able to remember what someone just said to me, or what I did yesterday or not even being able to copy down numbers in work because I'd forget them as soon as I'd look away. I was beginning to think I had a serious problem. Thankfully my memory returned to normal, but I don't know whether it was the herb, the beer, mixing the two of them, or just the grief itself that caused my short term memory to take a hiatus.

    So basically, I think herb can help get you through the hardest parts, but its probably not a good idea to completely try to mask your emotions. At the moment it's too early to tell for me whether I've dealt with everything or whether I'm gunna experience recurring bouts of grief because of my use of herbs/beer. If things go south I will try to remember to throw an update in here. But in my opinion, I do now feel that I've come through the other side of the grieving process and have come to terms with everything. I feel good in myself, have actually been cutting back on the herb the past couple months and having quite a few 3 or 4 days stretches without vaping anything . I'm also not drinking everyday anymore, and despite cutting back on the herb and beer, I'm experiencing no ill effects (yet). Only time will tell, but then time is a healer (or so they say).

    I'm sorry for your loss, and really hope you manage to come to terms with everything without too much distress.

    Peace and love

    'We're here for a good time, not a long time'.
  8. DDave

    DDave Vape Wizard Accessory Maker

    Judge the Vaper by the Vapor
    Sorry to hear about the event that caused such grief.

    Sour Diesel is one of the most uplifting strains I have ever found (not one of the fancy ones, just the regular Sour D).
    Others say Green Crack.

    Best wishes!
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  9. CarolKing

    CarolKing Singer of songs and a vapor connoisseur

    Cannabis can interfere with your memory but so can grief and stress. I find if I'm stressed out I can't drive worth a damned or think clear enough. Cannabis can numb your feelings and it always isn't a positive thing you need to decide. Getting out in the fresh air and enjoying nature helps me.

    Grief can also include the life that you once had and now it's gone.
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  10. grokit

    grokit well-worn member

    the north
    My grandmother passed away yesterday, at 105 years young. She just had her birthday a couple of months ago. She was a truly beautiful, 100% loving soul, and I will always love and miss her. I hope she is on a new and wonderful journey, unshackled from that old body of hers. She survived some very serious health issues during her time on this earth. I read a quote today by Terrance Mckenna, that really illuminates how thinking about our death can help us appreciate life. I think she would have liked it too.

    "I always thought death would come on the freeway in a few horrifying moments, so you'd have no time to sort it out. Having months and months to look at it and think about it and talk to people and hear what they have to say, it's a kind of blessing. It's certainly an opportunity to grow up and get a grip and sort it all out. Just being told by an unsmiling guy in a white coat that you're going to be dead in four months definitely turns on the lights. ... It makes life rich and poignant.

    "When it first happened, and I got these diagnoses, I could see the light of eternity, a la William Blake, shining through every leaf. I mean, a bug walking across the ground moved me to tears."


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  11. looney2nz

    looney2nz Research Geek, Mad Scientist

    So Cal
    Condolences grokit, family & friends. 105 is one hell of a run!
  12. toecutter

    toecutter Active Member

    Thank you for your kind response. I'm definitely working through some forgiveness stuff now. The deceased is a close (though estranged for about 6 years) family member. To complicate matters significantly, he died from a self inflicted gunshot wound. I find myself vacillating between bitter sadness and anger, punctuated by weird, short bouts of sobbing. Weird in that they come on and then just end, like a switch got flipped.

    So far, I've only slipped twice. I erroneously thought an edible (donated by a relative that had been taking chemo) would be a nice way to pass the afternoon. Unfortunately it resulted in a panic attack. Fortunately a Xanax donated by a family member saved the day. The next night I tried on a few beers for size. I paid for it the next day while sorting the deceased belongings. Hangovers are a bitch. I think while I'm sorting and making arrangements, it's best I stay sober, especially considering I don't have access to the strains I typically use for my depression and anxiety.

    The quilt idea is beautiful. My heart goes out to you, as I could not imagine losing my wife. Sorting through the deceased's ephemera has been almost overwhelming and I'm not sure where it will fit in my life. I've got a lot to unpack; literally and figuratively.

    In the meanwhile I've been lucky as hell, as my mother and wife have been here for me all along. I'm sure my therapist and I will be talking about this for some time, but in the interim I'm being kept afloat.

    Thank you. Suicide takes grief to such a weird place. I'm so sorry about your friend.

    I'm going to try to not let the herb/beer get on top of me. Beer especially. I LOVE a good beer, but for some reason, over the years I've begun to experience diminished returns. Sometimes, it does me no favors. Nice work on cutting back, and I'm glad your pain is easing. It's so tempting to just pull up the blanket of numbness. I've dealt with emotional pain that way in the past and I did it for too long and merely postponed the trauma.

    Thank you again.

    Mod note: posts merged

    **Thanks Mod. I'm a bit addled.
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2017
  13. herbalist33

    herbalist33 Well-Known Member

    Yes you are so right, suicide definitely takes grief to a uniquely confusing and painful place. It also brings different emotions into play, and often causes some form introspection if you know what I mean. So many ifs... but ifs really have no place in trying to come to terms with it- there are no answers to be found by going down the 'if' route... all that will do is increase your pain.

    I really feel for you right now. Driving home from work yest having replied to this thread, I had a think on how Herb may have affected me getting thru the shitstorm.... and I basically think that it took the raw unbearable edge off of the grief, which was pretty helpful in my opinion, but the trade off is that it maybe prolonged the process. It's hard to say for sure because I've been an habitual toker for years... if I wasn't a regular user, it would be a lot more obvious how weed effected my coping. I kinda think without the herb I would have had a shorter but much more volatile period of coming to terms with it (it was bad enough with the herb tho, believe me, so in that sense, I feel it benefited me to use weed).

    I'm still adjusting now, and still get caught out by the sudden feelings/emotions/tears that can spring out of nowhere. I think that's just a part of being human and investing love and friendship in others.

    I really really hope you begin to feel better soon buddy... it's such a horrible and mind twisting thing, and it's often difficult to switch your mind off. And sometimes weed can exacerbate the over thinking, so just be cautious with that. I hope some of this helped, feel free to pm if you want.

    Peace and love
  14. looney2nz

    looney2nz Research Geek, Mad Scientist

    So Cal
    a good friend of mine lost her partner to suicide, sadly it was a giant shock to everyone, especially her.
    she did individual and group therapy specific to being left behind by suicide and found it very helpful.

    I lost a good friend around 2 years ago, to suicide, which shouldn't have been a huge surprise... and at a certain level I understand it, 'cause he was in so much pain... but it still messed with his wife. I'm more angry he left with words left unsaid. Mend fences, forgive... don't leave with anger on the playing field.
    There are cleaner ways to leave than most people use, although with the new laws in CA, we can follow Oregon's lead and allow folks the option of checking out on your own schedule and not leave an ugly mess behind.

    Kudos to wife and mother, support nets are so very very important.
    To me your reactions seem normal. It's good that you are taking the reins and working on it, so it doesn't end up pulling your strings subconsciously later on down the line.

  15. CarolKing

    CarolKing Singer of songs and a vapor connoisseur

    Suicide is the worst for those left behind. We had a friend that we thought somebody had murdered him on some logging road some years back. After the investigation it was found that he killed himself. He wanted his wife to be able to get the life insurance.

    He was in a lot of pain. He was someone that everyone loved, he was a leader. Eventually he went into law enforcement one day he stood up for the wrong person and was austrised from his job. They gave him the most worst jobs in the department. He eventually quit due to anxiety and stress associated with his job and sued the department. I think he was able to get a small settlement.

    This person tried different jobs and tried to start his own business but he was never the same. The spark and twinkle in his eyes were gone.

    He was a shell of the man he once was. He just was in so much pain. I wish that someone could have helped him. We were devasted when we found out he was dead but felt worse when we found it was suicide. Families and friend have a hard time coming to terms with the death more so when it's suicide.

    I had a fond memory of him just now. In high school he would help out in the kitchen. Students would get to help out and would get extra credit. One day he put hot sauce in the mayonnaise and mustard combo that they put on the hamburgers. We all knew who did that but nobody said a thing.
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2017
  16. ataxian

    ataxian PALE BLUE DOT

    Pacific Ocean
    OPTIMUS = ATAXIAN (before my Illness)
    REALIST = so I Think I am?

    Sorry for your loss.

    I just did a long study on the DARK AGES.

    That was SICK (really sick)

    Hope things work out for you!
    The strain I use a lot but do not tell people these days.
    (I can be boring) GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (GSC) = my favorite!
    You might like something different?
    I had CANDYLAND OG that was great. (@CarolKing) Thank you!
    GDP helps me sleep = I can make a list of INDICAS that put u in a (self-induced COMA) as many people can here.

    I have two female seeds of PLATINUM GSC to put in my garden.
    Then COLAS are bigger for me outside.

    Loss sucks! (stay busy)

    CANNABIS will set you free.
    Vaporizing taste the best!
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2017
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  17. CuckFumbustion

    CuckFumbustion Lo and Behold! The transformative power of Vapor.

    Cuckfumbustion Central
    Well you have already thought about the issue, which alone take you one step away from the mask end of the spectrum. I will take that as a positive.
    Agreed and conversely, you could benefit from hearing how others deal with grief. Sometimes hearing that alone can help or give you a tool or mindset that works for you. Poor analogy aside, you get the gist. :haw:

    Some people get comfort by hearing about other's problems and perhaps helping them instead of thinking/not thinking of their own circumstance. As one example. Or a change of setting for someone else. Or consuling.
    So if you doing something else beside medicating alone and feel like you are growing or drawing from other positives, then perhaps you are closer to the taking the rough edge off of things as opposed to fully masking over a problem. that whole conundrum.

    thanks for sharing that. When you mention weighing the whole diminishing returns with alcohol, I felt at that moment more like you had a handle on things. Good on you! :tup:good on all of you.
  18. EverythingsHazy

    EverythingsHazy Well-Known Member

    In regards to the effectiveness of it... I'd say that's dependent on the individual and the strain. If you feel relaxed from it, and don't get your negative emotions magnified, then that's great.

    In regards to the masking vs treating issue... I feel like that depends on your situation. Are you grieving because you got bad news about a loved one, or because a pet died? Then I can see it helping, because it's not your fault that you're sad, and there's nothing you can do to fix the problem. You just have to get through it. If you're grieving because you are unhappy with how your life is going, you'll definitely need to eventually fix the underlying issues, unless you plan on being stoned until you die.

    One good thing about Cannabis during stressful times, is that it can help you get some sleep, which is crucial for any recovery period, be it mental or physical.
  19. Godspeed

    Godspeed Well-Known Member

  20. toecutter

    toecutter Active Member

    Very true. I've known people who live their lives that way.


    In the meanwhile I've found an uplifting CBD strain that I feel comfortable using during the day (work, family, etc), and an indica for the occasional night cap, when I think I'm going to have trouble falling asleep (granted, it takes a few hours for the sleepiness to come). I've for the most part, kept away from alcohol, with the occasional slip-up. The last regrettably allowing some pent up anger to slip out. Nothing crazy, but unpleasant nonetheless. But overall, I think I'm working through it (guilt, anger, sadness, etc.). I'm just glad my therapist helped me to not visualize the death, which for some reason I was doing, over and over. He died by a self inflicted gunshot, so not so fun. It didn't help that I went to his house to collect some of his effects, and went into the room he died. While a towel was thrown over the blood to effectively cover it, it fucked with me for a while.

    Anyhow, I'm rambling at this point. I really appreciate everyone's input.
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2017
  21. muunch

    muunch hotboxing the cockpit

    While our situations are obviously different, they're similar enough.

    My condolences and I'm glad you're moving along as well as can be.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with being "constantly stoned" to one degree or another. Obviously I don't take fat globs of wax right before heading to work (or at work) but I don't see anything wrong with it despite the legality of it (for those who that is still a concern)

    There's almost always going to be some drug or something extraneous effecting your system to some degree so it may as well be something that makes my existence more pleasant for everyone.

    edit: fwiw I liked being stoned constantly almost as much prior to the event so may opinion probably means :shit:
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  22. damm

    damm Well-Known Member

    Pacific Northwest
    Wrong post sorry :( please delete this here
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2017
  23. Milkinson

    Milkinson uh oh

    The Shire
    I think it's ok to want to be removed from reality after losing someone, for at least a few months. You can "deal" with stuff later, right now just do what you have to to get through the day.

    I've lost 2 people over the last 18 months and being able to not be sober without being drunk is a sanity saver. I only wish I'd found vaporizing sooner as me and SO were smoking tobacco joints so much it was making us really ill.

    Love and condolences to everyone here xo
    toecutter likes this.
  24. Piff Richard

    Piff Richard Member

    Hello peoples.

    The majoirty of the losses I experienced were before I said FC. The hectic nature of my environment enabled drug abuse on a wide scale, and still does.

    As I got older and the losses continued. larger quantities were being smoked, daily. When I hit 30 I was trying to transition in to a safer, more productive way of living. It had been relativley quiet for a couple years. Then within a few months of each other, yet another one of my friends was murdered and another died in a police cell. The coup de grace was my friend and his wife had to bury their first baby. All of this hit everyone, hard, not least the families cos we all went to the same funerals.

    After kinda working at making the transition, like so many other people, I lost my job in 2007 crash. It soon dawned on me that self medicating isnt a one size fits all approach. Although in some ways the self awareness software patch had been installed, I hadnt developed the tools to deal with this emotionally. Minus the band aid of being high I was still dealing with big man issues like a snotty nosed kid. The other coping mechanisms I had developed did not transfer to the new life I was trying to build.

    If I was speaking to a very young me I'd offer the advice. Try and let your mind find its own way to process grief and then talk about that with the people close to you.

    Trying to block it out is futile, you will have to deal with it one day. And when it does come back, best believe it comes back after doing 30 years hard labour in the prison camp of your mind, ripped!


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