Busted by the wife... Ughhh

toked23

Well-Known Member
Well, one of my friends either got busted toking by his wife or felt chatty and his wife ratted me out to my wife. . It's been an awesome couple of hours but kind of a relief and kind of not. She thinks completely or pretty differently from my stance of course. Anyone else in my predicament?

Got back into it a few months ago, failed to mention that to the other half.... All kinds of mad at me.. Fun
 
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psychonaut

Company Rep
Company Rep
I was upfront about it from the beginning, she came back in town after I had scored some black market herb. I told her I had a confession to make, etc. She wasn't happy, but things got better as she began to understand. She's probably like the rest of us before we woke up, programmed with a bunch of non-sense, and some truth too. Now is the time to show the good side, you can do it =)
 

CarolKing

Singer of songs and a vapor connoisseur
I've been using cannabis a long time. My husband was always aware that I used cannabis. If he didn't have to take a drug test every few months for work he would be using too. If you have a partner it's good to be up front with your lifestyle choice.

I hope it's not a deal breaker for you or her.

Edit
I knew someone once because his wife wouldn't condone his cannabis use he decided to get a divorce. She didn't even want him to use a little bit any longer. She also became very religious. There weren't any children. She knew he used cannabis when they married. He didn't like being told what to do. She thought she could change him. He didn't like the change in her.

I'm a grown up and I want to do as I please in my own home. I don't even want to be banished to the garage.
 
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Krazy

Well-Known Member
My X was on again off again in her approval of cannabis. And wanted me to change with her, lol. did I mention "X"?

You can abuse pretty much anything; true dat. But the number of things and the number of ways this wonderful plant has medical applications? I really believe that most users are genuinely self medicating in some way. From that POV it is pretty horrible for a spouse or parent to judge ones use.

Now from a relationship perspective? One based on secrets is rather doomed. Doesn't matter what the secret activity is.
 

toked23

Well-Known Member
yeah, I used to partake years ago but hadn't in at least 10-12 years. All of my buddies all
Do daily, I just never got back into it until one night on a whim and it reminded me how much I enjoyed it and I just didn't tell her to spare the argument. Now of course I'm hearing the I don't trust you stuff which I probably deserve somewhat but kind of a Downer at the moment. I went with the truth and she seems to be throwing it in my face quite a bit. I probably deserve some of it though

This is only after work, weekends, nothing that will affect me professionally of course. I'm not a spring chicken or that stupid, lol

She's not going for the it's legal in states these days. I dream of a day where it will be looked at like liquor or an nice glass of wine. In my mind, it's the same...
 

crawdad

floatin
it might help for your wife to have more info on the subject (scientific and credible sources) to make a more informed decision about how she feels about you doing it. being sneaky hasn't helped and likely solidified in her mind why its something she wants you to have nothing do with. face the music, for now.
 

CarolKing

Singer of songs and a vapor connoisseur
Vaporizing cannabis is much healthier and you don't notice the smell as much. Smoking the flowers I can understand someone possibly worried about folks smelling it. A problem in an illegal state, especially living in an apartment.

Sometimes I use an oil defuser with a glass cup. The Enano works well as an oil defuser and the Solo works well too. It even says oil defuser on the Solo's box. I buy essential oils like lemongrass, strawberry kiwi or pair vanilla.

Not trying to suggest hiding it from the partner.

Edit
When your partner is more receptive some education might help as Vito and others have suggested. If a person uses alcohol vaporizing cannabis doesnt do damage as with alcohol to the body.
 
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Vitolo

Vaporist
Your wife may talk with me if you feel it would help.
Do it down the road, as she won't be receptive so soon.
I am willing skype with the two of you.
We can let her see a very sick senior citizen, that was given limited longevity, exceed Doctors predictions by years, and now there is no regression in sight.
My wife also was not in agreement with Marijuana use, but discussions with the Doctors, and her witnessing 1st hand the difference has made her a believer.... and now with a variety of new symptomatology in her life, a patient herself.
If you are a totally recreational user, this tactic may not be the best.
If you suffer any ill health the discussion would be useful.
 

syrupy

Authorized Buyer
I think it might be helpful to separate out her feelings about cannabis from her trust issue with you. You're probably getting both ends of that. You can make the argument about vaping, but I can see how the trust may take some more work and time.

Also, by "toking" I hope you don't meant combustion! ;)
 
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mrbonsai420

Accessory Maker
Accessory Maker
Well, one of my friends either got busted toking by his wife or felt chatty and his wife ratted me out to my wife. . It's been an awesome couple of hours but kind of a relief and kind of not. She thinks completely or pretty differently from my stance of course. Anyone else in my predicament?

Got back into it a few months ago, failed to mention that to the other half.... All kinds of mad at me.. Fun

Maybe some education about cannabis would be helpful. Ask her if she would be mad if you felt the need to take an Advil for a headache or if she would be so pissed if you needed anti-depressants or anti-anxiety drugs prescribed by a doctor (Both have more side effects). Some people just have a hard time letting go of the fact that not everything deemed "illegal" is actually morally wrong. Some of the best, most productive members of society have been cannabis users. Ask her to keep an open mind and try to see it for what it really is. If she trusts and respects you at all she will listen to your point of view.
 

syrupy

Authorized Buyer
Consider taking some time to just listen to her on the issue of dishonesty, instead of only trying to convince her about how awesome cannabis is. To be "blunt"-- you lied, and she has a right to some of these feelings. Also, if there's more stuff you're hiding from her, now might be a good time to get it all out and start out on new ground. It could be a really good thing for your marriage.

Edit: Forgot to mention, have been in a similar situation, and it took much longer to regain trust than accept the cannabis part. Best of luck.
 

toked23

Well-Known Member
Yeah, I think it's the trust issue mostly as well. She's not a fan of the mj but I think over time than can be desensitized. I'm working on the trust thing now and came clean even more than she probably wished I did. I'm not going to run it in her face with using it much for the moment though. I'm not trying to hide anything further as I don't think that wold be a smart route long run.

I don't have any issues medically. It's more of a relaxation, stress relief, enjoyment sort of thing. I dont combust any longer as well, never liked smoking as it has tasted disgusting for me forever. I was really happy to find this site as it gave me a much healthier alternative.

I think most of you hit it right on the head was the trust. She seems to have dropped it for now...:clap:
 

CarolKing

Singer of songs and a vapor connoisseur
Society has given cannabis such a bad reputation that some people sees it as a stepping stone for drugs like cocaine. Your partner is probably worried for you. It is such a misconception. Anything can be abused such as food and shopping.

A good idea you have just not to do it around her for now. Eventually it may become an issue that you may want to confront.
 

toked23

Well-Known Member
Society has given cannabis such a bad reputation that some people sees it as a stepping stone for drugs like cocaine. Your partner is probably worried for you. It is such a misconception. Anything can be abused such as food and shopping.

A good idea just not to do it around her for now.

Yeah, no stepping stone for me. I have been around this for 20yrs and in no way shape or form an issue. She has a real misconception about it for sure. And we don't agree on that and most likely never will. But I imagine she will/can tolerate it moderately which is about all I'm so anyway. Maybe a hair more than that, but not much. It's more if I don't have anything to do type of thing. Or while golfing etc. I'm a successful person with a great job, a good strong financial background, and a good life really. A few kids to boot which are too young to have any clue and I wouldn't even consider doing anything around them. Some people like to have a glass of wine, some drink liquor, and I love the smell of Mary Jane... Bahahaha.
 

MinnBobber

Well-Known Member
I can appreciate this as I am "forced" by history/propaganda to mostly hide vaping from my wife. She knows I vape and she will sometimes join me, like twice a month.
Even though she used it at parties/rec about 30 years ago, she has those negs floating around in her head, like it's a gateway drug etc .

Education : I read dozens/ hundreds of articles/studies/books and have suggested many many times for her to read the best ones......No interest whatsoever . For example, a few have been good summaries about vaping and she had no interest, so she continues to sometimes ask, "so did you just smoke?".
I've had Cannabis Manifesto and many others BUT...you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink, you can send a child to college but you can't make them think....

It's sneak down to vape OR I'd be facing "THE LOOK". It's all part of the ongoing tragedy regarding cannabis laws and history and propaganda and the war on the wrong drug.

I even suffer from the tragedy by: not fully enjoying my herb as one has to draw the shades, hide from neighbors and my wife, and at some level/ some % feel like I'm doing something wrong. It's the baggage of the current cannabis situation :(
 

psychonaut

Company Rep
Company Rep
When the time is right, this should be helpful. Make sure to watch all episodes with her, I believe there are three. Wait for her to raise the question on the benefits of cannabis.

 
psychonaut,

HighSeasSailor

Well-Known Member
I would emphatically avoid defending the wonders of cannabis. I seriously doubt you will make a true believer of her, so avoid that route entirely. Certainly don't make her sit through a presentation, I know I'd find that to be patronizing on any subject and I imagine most other people would too - and there would be no reason for her to even pay attention, since I doubt she gives a shit.

If you think you can argue convincingly that your usage is reasonable, then find the very plainest way to explain it with the fewest talking points. If your usage is responsible recreation, then do what you can to reassure her that it is responsible and explain what you will do to keep it from interfering with your regular life. Think about things like where you will use it, when, where you will store it, etc, so if that's a concern to her you have a good answer ready.

Avoid appearing highly enthusiastic about cannabis. I've found this is a pretty big turnoff for most nonusers, it just confirms too many stereotypes.

If you're vaping, I would point this out IF you're using a non-glass, non-butane vape, as this will appear less antisocial than smoking a pipe or joint. I would not show her your fancy dabbing setup or glass/butane vape if you have a choice, to an outsider this looks like you've managed to make hippy herb into crack. You should emphasize the less-smelly, healthier nature of vaping if you can go this route, since her concern is mostly going to be how it impacts everyone else. If you are into dabbing I'd probably break that news to her after she's gotten used to cannabis use in general, if ever. Probably she doesn't give a damn and assumes it's joints until you tell her otherwise.

If that bridge isn't already burned, my excuse for not telling her sooner would be that I was making up my own mind about whether I wished to use before bringing it to her, or something along those lines with the key point being that you intended to tell her (which I hope is true and therefore not even a lie, right?). If you already goofed this up, just apologize, say you were an asshole, and consider buying gifts in the near future if that's something you guys do.

For now, your goal should be to first of all patch things up with your wife, and second to hopefully come to an understanding for the time being. If you dream of her being truly accepting of it in the future, the best way to accomplish that is to be an exemplar yourself. If she is ok with you continuing for now, then in the future you will presumably have much stronger ground to stand on when you say that you use responsibly and that it is both innocently enjoyable to you and harmless to others, since she will have seen you carry on without incident for some time.
 
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toked23

Well-Known Member
Well, some of the truth came out. She didn't hear anything from a friend, instead she looked through my iWatch.
Busted by my own technology. Smh. BUT, this has turned out to be a good thing. She was apparently getting a vibe I was hiding something and this was it. Truth of the matter is, she's not really to upset about the mj anymore and after me showing her everything and coming clean I can actually go up to the man room and partake without many issues in a reasonable amount. She had had a really bad experience years ago with some brownies and was really a very harsh idea of what it's supposed to be like. I'm a vaper because I hate smoke, and don't dab at all. I even got her to take a dry pull(unit not on) and it's back to normal at the house. Better normal actually...

I went with honesty as the policy and it has paid off. I didn't try to convince her or show her anything other than that what she had perceived to be the truth was way off. She, thankfully, has given me the benefit of the doubt and seems as if I should be good to go going forward, within reason...
 

Vitolo

Vaporist
Well, some of the truth came out. She didn't hear anything from a friend, instead she looked through my iWatch.
Now that we have all been present...
...and have all walked through your experience with you..
I mean we stuck it out until resolution!
I have a special request.
I am an old guy.
I do not know what an iWatch is.
Explain what it is....
and then divulge how she was able to "look through" it and see that you vaped.
Do you store your meds in the iWatch?
Does the iWatch track and videotape your movements?
Go on @toked23
You have some "splainin" to do. spoken with Ricky Ricardo (Desi Arnaz) imitation
 
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toked23

Well-Known Member
Hahaha, Apple iWatch. It syncs up to my iphone and alerts me to texts and anything else I choose. I haven't been wearing it lately so it was sitting on my bed side table. So, what happens is when someone texts me it also goes to that watch. I was telling a friend about the ff2 through text and she read them all. BUSTED, ha
 
toked23,
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