Here's a recent embarrassing one...
I got up at 5:30am to run a local 15k foot race. The venue was all the way across town in the downtown area.
I got a decent parking spot early. Had a empty car on each side of me and the back of my 4 door SUV up against a fence. With time to spare I sat in my car leisurely eating bananas, white bread and drinking Gatorade.... and vaping with my Solo.
Not wanting to fight the crowds at the port-o-pottys, (everyone gets excited before a race and there are over 15,000 runners), I've made a habit of bringing a large mouth plastic container to pee in just before the race while sitting in the SUV. So I try to push back my front seat so I have room to maneuver and realize I forgot to put up the back seats so I can't make room. So I pull my shorts down anyway and start peeing into the container. It's a little cramped. Once done I pull away the container and immediately feel about a tablespoon of warm pee running down my legs, the seat and onto my shorts. I sort of "kinked the hose" when finishing and missed it due to the nervous energy. Fortunately I brought a towel to wipe off the sweat after the race and used it to dry up my leg and blot my shorts as dry as possible. There I sat thinking "great, just peed myself. Between the sweat and pee I should smell great by the time the race is over".
Then I felt like I had to pass a little gas so I did a test "poot" to make sure it was just gas. I passed the test and let the next one rip. I could tell it was a mistake almost instantly and closed up the back door pretty quick but not before another tablespoon of goodness found it's way into my shorts. At this point I'm thinking I gotta clean myself up quick and find a port-a-potty to finish the deed because the race is going to start soon.
I look around and don't see anyone and that's when it struck me that.... with empty cars on each side of me I could open the front and back door of my SUV and create a little stall to clean up in. So I get out and open the front and back door and standing between the doors and the empty car ... I drop my shorts and use the towel to wipe myself. At this point I don't even care that the towel had a little pee on it.
I was just about done cleaning up when the thought hit me that creating this "stall" using the two doors was pretty damn smart. At about the same time a woman and her teenage daughter came walking by the front of my SUV and feeling confident I was covered I gave them the "guy nod". The mother took one look in my direction, got this disgusted look on her face, put her arm around her daughter's shoulder and quickly ushered her past my SUV while semi-forcing her to look away. My first thought was "WTF is her problem, I'm completely covered here". My second thought as I looked down was "Fuck...my newly wiped shorts are down around my ankles and are showing under the bottom of the SUV door and if I'm not mistaken I was wiping my upper leg up and down with that towel they couldn't see".
Great day for a race though.....
