Using Cannabis as a Parent

[Brother Brigham]

I have been openly using cannabis via my PD around my family for 8 months. Recently I found it more socially responsible to move my experience into the bathroom and hide-up my accessories there. Although I don't like to live a life with secrets, I would be at fault if my openness caused my family any legal problems or community problems. I have a 2.25 yr old boy, and 4month girl, and an awesome wife. I am the only cannabis user.

Here is the root of my question:
I have been reading a recent post in which people describe how they hide their vapes. At first I read this critically (why even hide it, why does everyone seem ashamed, etc.). However, I began to realize that this is a pretty big social question.

Here is my question:
How do you, as a parent, feel about using cannabis in front of your children? Should you, or shouldn't you? Is there any gray area for you? What alternatives exist...hiding...?

Unless you have significant training, expert insight, or relevant social commentary, non-parents need not reply.

 

[Stu]

I'm a parent of a 14 year old boy and 11 year old girl. I'm pretty sure my kids know that I use cannabis, but they have never commented directly with me about it. I leave my vaporizor out and sometimes my glass, too. I keep waiting for one of them to ask me about it, but it hasn't happened yet. I'm prepared to tell them that this is how daddy takes his legally-prescribed medicine. I'll then follow it up with the whole drug talk that I've been practicing since they were born. If it weren't for the fact that it's all legal (for me), I would probably hide it better and not be so open about it. I've never used cannabis in front of them, and I don't see the benefit in doing so.

 

[Lo]

This is a tough subject. I'm in a non-MMJ state so I have always hidden my use. Actually I do not like the fact that I have to hide/lie and it annoys me as I have always talked openly about most topics with my son. Of course this subject and legality issues caused me to keep my use under wraps.

Now my son turned 18 recently and I'm still torn. Part of me would like to tell him so I feel like I'm not hiding/lying but here I sit...still in the closet so to speak. I dislike not being honest with him though.

In a perfect world, I would have already told him and he'd understand. I know he supports MMJ and actually at one point jokingly asked our family doctor about a prescription for it for anxiety/OCD. Our doctor is awesome and they ended up having a great chat about how he supported MMJ, would be prescribing it if legal in our state.

 

[Brother Brigham]

Thanks for the insight guys, keep it coming if anyone has yet to chime in.

 

[jimbo]

I have a 2 year old son and I keep my vapes and glass hidden. Also I've
never vaped in front of him. Since its next to impossible to get legal mj in
Ontario I'll have to keep it that way, especially when he goes off to school.
Never know what kids will say to their teachers and other children....

 

[crawdad]

hello brother...some very interesting reading to be had at the following thread :

http://www.fuckcombustion.com/viewtopic.php?id=4151

to answer directly here, my two children (both under 10 years old) are not aware of it at all...the awareness of the herb and what it can do has yet to be revealed. they have been told about alcohol and tobacco since i sometimes have a beer and less frequently a cigar or corn cob pipe with tobacco in it. beyond that i see no reason to explain anything else right now.

i do plan to tell them and this is something the wife and i do not agree upon right now, and is a big reason its not being explained now, but bigger reason is the lack of reason to. while i might have a tiny toke when around them (without seeing) my real light up times are well after they are asleep since i prefer to be alone anyhow.

i feel partaking any substance around them that is not for them to be a slight disrespect to be perfectly honest about it, and to an extent that includes alcohol and tobacco, so i don't often. i am a parent of children but firstly i am a fellow human being as they are and i want to respect their limits be it set by me or done by nature of their bodies/minds.

i feel regardless of how i may differ on the idea of sharing the information with them that i have with the wife they will be told. and when i feel they are old enough, i will also offer. i feel there comes a time for "knowing", and there also comes a time later for "being" and as a parent and somewhat educated partaker of herb i would consider it an honor being there for both.

 

[fidget]

I've got a five year old and don't vape until he's in bed.
Will probably stay that way.(I might have a sneaky bag locked in the garage in the afternoon at the weekend if my wife is doing the driving)

 

[lwien]

Kids use their parent as role models in EVERYTHING that they do.

If it's ok for you to break the law (if you live in a non-mmj state), then you are giving the message to your kids that it is also ok for them to break the law. If you openly smoke cigs, drink alcohol, or use cannabis, than you are giving your kids the ok to do so also, and it matters not if they are 21 or not. Sure, you can tell them that you are an adult and that they need to wait till they are an adult also, but that, more than likely will go in one ear and out the other. Their take-a-away is, if it's ok for my parents to do it, than it's ok for me to do it.

My mother smoked cigs and so did her friends. I started smoking cigs at 13. My mom NEVER drank alcohol in front of me and my Dad only had one bottle of beer on rare occasions, maybe once every 6 months, and he always let me have a sip or two. To this day, I only drink alcohol on very special occasions. Now yeah, I understand that this is nothing more than anecdotal evidence, but I still feel that what I stated above is true.

If you don't want your kids to do something, don't do it in front of them. If you don't care..........have at it, but understand the consequences.

That's my take on this.

 

[Revvy]

There was a topic about this somewhere on Reddit awhile back. The userbase there is a bit younger than it is here and the comments were mostly from children of drug using parents. It was almost universally the case that both lying about use and omitting use led to resentment once the children found out about their parents.

 

[lwien]

^^ Resentment from your children comes with the territory of being a parent. Kids will always find something to be resentful about. As a matter of fact, I'd be concerned that if I didn't get some kind of resentment now and then, I wouldn't be doing a very good job of parenting.

 

[elmomuzz]

I have a 16 and 17 year old. I hide it from them at all costs. I do not speak negatively about it but I don't want to be a role model in this particular case.

 

[aesthyrian]

I would say, especially if your child is over 18 then you should consider having a serious, honest discussion of Marijuana. The truth of Marijuana is nothing to hide, and the better your child understands Marijuana and it's level of toxicity compared to other drugs, the more likely he/she will make a responsible decision in regards to Marijuana and other drugs.

If you don't talk to them someone else will, or they will just go find out on there own. I just don't see why you would risk that.

 

[MG23]

I would say, especially if your child is over 18 then you should consider having a serious, honest discussion of Marijuana. The truth of Marijuana is nothing to hide, and the better your child understands Marijuana and it's level of toxicity compared to other drugs, the more likely he/she will make a responsible decision in regards to Marijuana and other drugs.

If you don't talk to them someone else will, or they will just go find out on there own. I just don't see why you would risk that.

As a youngster myself (20) I agree with this completely. Your 16-18 year old children are most likely more mature than you think (in most cases) and breaking the ice with them on the subject clearly and truthfully would be a great idea.

I told my younger brother (16) that if he ever decides to try marijuana, that I want him to try it with me first to guide him through the experience and explain everything.

From my perspective I think it's better that you talk to them personally and bond on the subject instead of letting their friends do the job for you. I would give this advice to any parent of a child in their late teens.

 

[lwien]

Wait. We just went from keeping your vapes in plain site and vaping with them present to talking with them about it. Of course you should talk to your kids about anything and everything that may impact their lives. That sure as hell doesn't mean that you have to actually DO what you are talking about.

In my opinion, you SHOULD talk to your kids about the pros as well as the cons of MJ use in our society, along with the risks that one takes by consuming this mind altering substance as well as the rewards that many medical patient get from it, but that sure as hell doesn't automatically mean that you should consume cannabis in their presence.

But I'm talking about kids here, not adults. I vape with one of my twin sons all the time. He's 30 years old. The other one doesn't like the affects of MJ at all.

Unless you have significant training, expert insight, or relevant social commentary, non-parents need not reply.

Comon' Brother. Do ya really think this is going to keep ANYONE from replying? All non-parents will reply stating that what they have to say IS "expert insight, or relevant social commentary", even if it's not. The one thing that is just about universal with kids (kids to me is anyone under 30, ESPECIALLY if they're in collage) is that everything that they have to say is relevant and communicated with "expert insight".

Man, I remember when I was in college. I was chomping at the bit to strut my stuff with all the shit I learned. I would take every opportunity I had to debate with total authority and do so with the full knowledge that I was right and my opponent was dead wrong. The only difference now is, is that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my opponent may not be dead wrong, and that in fact, I may be...... but I'm sure as hell gonna make you work for that.

 

[MG23]

He specifically said he didn't want replies about his question from non-parents without special insight, so I posted instead regarding where the thread was naturally going when I arrived on it, since it is a subject I do have some personal insight about. They're two very closely related subjects, It's not like I was just throwing in a random, completely unrelated post.

People are so quick to stereotype based on their own personal experiences. I certainly don't pretend to know everything about every subject, but I do know that dismissing peoples thoughts purely based on preconceived stereotypes about things like age can come across as rude or even ignorant.

 

[Joseph Smith Jr.]

Brother Brigham, you as one of the Twelve should know that no one can ever enter the celestial kingdom unless he is strictly honest. You yourself once said that Honest hearts produce honest actions, and that one should Build up your own perfect structure of truth, and invite your listeners to enter in and enjoy it's glories.

There is no knowledge, no light, no wisdom that you are in possession of, but what you have received from some source. We should never permit ourselves to do anything that we are not willing to see our children do, as True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what's right.

What is the damnation of hell? To go with that society who have not obeyed His commands. The best way to obtain truth and wisdom is not to ask it from books or people, but to go to God in prayer, and obtain His divine teaching.

Lest ye be damned, avail oneself to the truth, and let not it hide in depths of your soul.

 

[lwien]

..... but I do know that dismissing peoples thoughts purely based on preconceived stereotypes about things like age can come across as rude or even ignorant.

What I SAID was, "The one thing that is just about universal with kids (kids to me is anyone under 30, ESPECIALLY if they're in collage) is that everything that they have to say is relevant and communicated with "expert insight".

Now tell me, kind sir, where in the hell did I dismiss anyone's thoughts. Take what I said literally above and I think it will be clear I never did such a thing. You may have something to say that is very relevant, and it would matter not if you were 12 years old or 80 years old.

But hey, I guess I'm just one rude, even ignorant SOB, eh? Oh well, I admit, I have been rude at times and even ignorant at times, although, I don't think this is one of them.

 

[Brother Brigham]

Great discussion. Thank you everyone for the continued insight.

i feel partaking any substance around them that is not for them to be a slight disrespect to be perfectly honest about it, and to an extent that includes alcohol and tobacco, so i don't often. i am a parent of children but firstly i am a fellow human being as they are and i want to respect their limits be it set by me or done by nature of their bodies/minds.

i feel regardless of how i may differ on the idea of sharing the information with them that i have with the wife they will be told. and when i feel they are old enough, i will also offer. i feel there comes a time for "knowing", and there also comes a time later for "being" and as a parent and somewhat educated partaker of herb i would consider it an honor being there for both.

I particularly resonate with this comment, thanks brother crawdad

Lwien, I debated going back and editing my OP and cleansing it of any silly requirement for response for the same irony you described. I agree with you regarding like father, like son logic (my words).

MattyGtwenty3, thanks for your insight too, it was significant and relevant. I didn't read lwien's comments with the same tone it seems may have. I think we're all on the same page here...how the hell can someone really say what is or isn't relevant. Hold your head high and know that I seal upon you eternal salvation.

Joseph, how's it hanging you old scoundrel! Been waaaayyyy too long. How's Fanny?

 

[crawdad]

Man, I remember when I was in college. I was chomping at the bit to strut my stuff with all the shit I learned. I would take every opportunity I had to debate with total authority and do so with the full knowledge that I was right and my opponent was dead wrong. The only difference now is, is that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my opponent may not be dead wrong, and that in fact, I may be...... but I'm sure as hell gonna make you work for that.

so what you are saying is that from the perspective of others, not much has changed.

 

[lwien]

so what you are saying is that from the perspective of others, not much has changed.

You're right. It's just been tweaked a bit.

 

[herbgirl]

This is such a good topic Brother, relevant to me and many of my friends. We love our kids fiercely, but struggle with the daily grind of lying and deceiving them in the name of our health.
As responsible parents and vaporists some of us must keep our activities hidden from our children for our family's security. I have two wonderful boys, one almost six and the other is almost three. I don't like the fact that i cannot openly (and responsibly of course) use my medicine in front of my children, but i will tolerate it. When they are old enough to understand, they will be informed as they can handle the information. I want to make sure the first time they use it, it is with me. I want to make sure the facts they have are from me and not from DARE. They are very familiar with the zephyr Ion, which for a while resided in my living room and gave them aromatherapy treatments. Kinda cute to hear them ask in their sweet little (coughing) voices if they could have a vape treatment, "mommy, i need eucalyptus please!" All vape items are now locked in the bedroom because the little one has sticky fingers. literally lol.

Being an herbalist kinda gives me a cover. The boys don't bat an eyelash when i'm grinding or capping herbs, they are used to seeing (or smelling lol) me make herbal concoctions on the stove, so they wouldn't think twice about seeing me with herb. They know herbs too, so in the future that may present a problem when I tell them that the herb I have in my hand is lemon balm (they always want to smell or look at my plant materials), and they know that it is indeed not. They do understand that plants are powerful medicines and were put here for us to use, this I think will help somewhat when the time to discuss this comes. it's a fine line.

They hear their father and me rail on about how such a beneficial plant can be illegal, then hear us making plans to go to Annapolis on the day the relevant bills are read. If I didn't explain, it wouldn't take them long to figure it out as they got older, they are pretty smart.

With hubby and me now owning a business in the security industry, it makes it even more tricky if one of the kids were to open their mouths about it. The very foundations of our business are honesty and integrity, and we uphold that in every other way, so i feel like a hypocrite.
Think Jean Valjean stealing the loaf of bread. break the law or you and your family starve. Perhaps an extreme example, but you get the idea. In my case, medicate regularly or end up hospitalized (or at the least incredibly moody and bitchy and not able to parent effectively) and hopping back on Big Pharma's pill-dick for the next round of mind numbing drugs. If I end up hospitalized, that is exactly what would happen.
Maryland did just pass a bill that nixes fines for people who have documentation (a doctor's note) of their need for cannabis. My question is, how can a doctor legally recommend something to you that is illegal? Doesn't that in and of itself present a problem?

 

[rabblerouser]

yeah it's a tricky issue. Especially for people who at least loosely fall under the medical category but are in non medical states.

I've vaporized in front of other people's children. Whose take on it was to be pretty open and tell the kid it was along the same lines as a beer. Something adults do to relax, He didn't go any further into it, at least while i was there, his kid is still pretty young though, 6ish.

There are legal issues making it more complicated, but at some level i think it's pretty similar to having a beer in front of your kid.

 

[Gunky]

I have kept it from my kid so far (he's a teen now) because I didn't want him to have the pressure of keeping this secret. If he, for example, confides in a friend and then the friend spills it, now he feels guilty etc etc. My thought is to give him a break till he gets through high school. I have spoken honestly with him about my assessment of various drugs, alcohol, tobacco, etc but have kept quiet about my own use, except to say that I have tried most of them.

 

[Ennui Cookout]

I'm not sure if I qualify remotely as having any specific insight, but I did grow up with some experience here. Long story short, my mother in particular smokes up due to her multiple sclerosis since it helps offset her painful medications. She's not in an MMJ state. While I had known she and my father both were into drugs when they met, she had gone through great lengths to conceal her occasional usage of pot from me growing up.

Eventually, this all came out when I was in my twenties. I was absolutely fine with it, as I was already smoking myself. However, she did remark one thing -- She was always worried I'd NARC on her or otherwise run my mouth in a way that'd catch her (and possibly myself and the rest of my family) in serious trouble. To be really honest, I 100% agree with her assessment. When I was a kid, I ran my mouth. A lot. Always wanted to show off to my peers, to get in with the 'cool kids', etc. -- Had I been trusted with her secret, I realize I could have possibly blown it pretty bad. The worst part is I know I'd have done it with no actual malice.

Now when I see her, everything is absolutely fine and we toke up and play board games, which is totally rad. I wouldn't change anything about this. I certainly don't resent her for not trusting me. Kids are kids. I'm sure you, just like my mother, have that weirdo parental instinct that will tell you when the coast is clear and it's fine to share it. I just wouldn't entrust a big secret to your child that could put them into a bad position simply because they're still kids and will make mistakes.

 

[Purpl3_Haz3]

My question is, how can a doctor legally recommend something to you that is illegal? Doesn't that in and of itself present a problem?

I apologize, Brother Brigham, for posting and not meeting the op requirements...just had some direct info for herbgirl pertaining to her above question.

The following is from the DrugPolicy.org websites medical marijuana page

In 2002, a three-judge panel of the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals unanimously decided to uphold the right of doctors to recommend marijuana to their patients and of patients to receive that recommendation. Judge Mary Schroeder wrote the majority opinion, which noted that the federal governments policy of revoking doctors' licenses leavesno security for free discussion. A concurring opinion by Judge Alex Kozinski stepped even further, noting the prevailing evidence on the medical usefulness of marijuana.