My grandmother and my best friend were both eating institutional food - their plates were almost identical: dry white meat chicken, green beans, mashed potatoes. When my grandmother got her plate her eyes lit up, she smiled, and said the food here is good. When my best friend received his plate (different institution, same day) his shoulders slumped, his face took on a sour expression and he poked at the plate, clearly unhappy, and said so.
My cat has taught me one thing - she won't come to me and let me pet her until I adjust my brain chemistry first. Because, she doesn't want me to just pet her, she wants to be loved, and animals have a Jacobsen Organ which lets them "smell" how you're feeling. People can also sense this, just not by smell, we use subtle visual cues that let us know if the other person is emotionally present...whether we are expressing dopamine, or just doing things mechanically.
I have no experience of this with women (and I identify as straight, and was married for 19 years, until recently) so take this advice with a grain or more of salt...but, I believe what I've learned through my ADHD and research, and my cat and rabbit since then, is this:
You need to get your head in the right place before things start rolling towards sex, and if you do, and can maintain that brain chemistry, you will enjoy the foreplay more than the other person, and they will settle-in to a much deeper degree by how your hands move as a result of your ... fuck..dopaminergic state (sorry, I wish I could find other words for dopamine). EDIT: an orgasm without dopamine is brief and shallow, but one with dopamine can be as all encompassing as a religious experience (really intense). And, we all hear about screaming orgasms, and so-so orgasms, well dopamine is the difference - it's not the action that makes your brain chemistry change, it's your brain chemistry that makes it change.
When I am petting my cat, it's not the petting that makes me feel "love" - it's how I think about it, and there's a way to think about these things that will orchestrate a dopamine state, and once you're there you need to learn to maintain that state of mind and not let the mechanics take you off course. This also applies to your meals shared with others, and has little to do with the food or nutritive value, or presentation.
The most natural of dopamine pathways to the human species are the meanings we associate with our relationship and connection to others. It's weird in this day and age where everyone has a smart phone, which in some way is like making a statement to everyone else, "hey, I don't need you, i have my apps," when those apps will never satisfy you as much as the one-on-one connections you can make - and it's not for the other people you make that effort, it's for your own head, but it is something you share with the others, and they'll rif off of it - that's how people are supposed to get high, and it's a trick we learn to do inside our own heads, and we take it with us - and it's the only way we can concentrate, really.
don't believe me though, question everything, research it, then experiment with it. Using animals is good practice, too. Think of the internal narratives, the meanings you hold, when you ask someone how they're kids are, or how their school tests went, let yourself "feel" a vicarious joy over the accomplishments of others, because what's really important is what's going on inside your head, at least as far as dopamine is concerned.
TMI? or just way longer than it needed to be? anyway, I hope that helps.
EDIT: Oh, and when you get the feeling right, you can increase it's intensity by breathing deeply and focusing on the feeling in your head...with practice you can increase it a lot with breathing and focus...and people will respond in ways that also help it increase.
