The Tiny-Short Story thread.

[CuckFumbustion]

The Tiny-Short Story thread.
Everybody has at least one story to tell right? Inspired from the Random thoughts thread. The Tiny-short story thread is where we can trade anecdotes and personal accounts that other FCers would find interesting. Old timers, veterans of every type and travelers are encouraged, but everybody has at least one interesting story to tell. Care to share?

 

[gaseous_clay]

I got high.

The End.

 

[CuckFumbustion]

I got high.

The End.

Already starting with a story with a happy ending.

Edit -(much needed)
I knew this guy who got high. But others got high and then told their story too. Others just told there story not high. But all liked to hear each story and were moved to tell there own stories.Some got really good. One fellow by the peculiar name of @CuckFumbustion decided to start a thread because others felt there was enough content to make it worthwhile. He's good like that sometimes. So as usual, he forges ahead with the best of intentions and little lack of planning.

Then @CuckFumbustion realized about half way into it, that he never had the foresight to have a story ready to offer himself. What a silly FCer he is indeed. At least he quit combusting. Who knows where he may have ended up if he was still combusting?

Perhaps he will get creative and have something legit to offer. Instead of worrying if it isn't good enough. "Naw, just out of ideas at the moment." He thought to himself. I'll recharge and bounce back with something worthwhile. Well nothing came to him...

"Oh please somebody come up with something. The thread needs you."He said to himself out loud in an empty room.Then he became desperate and edited and re-edited his last post..... Until.....


Well Fortunately, many saw his desperate efforts and were moved... and came... and typed... and told there story. Keeping the thread alive.
Despite his lack of planning.Then he soon realized that he had a story to tell all along.And the thread lived happily ever after.

The End

 

[TeeJay1952]

I used to bring in 2 dozen cookies (where 2 was a dose) to factory and indiscriminately hand them out on Fridays. One day while walking down aisle at work a fellow started screaming "Cookie Monster" as I passed by as sort of a weird homage. I had to take him aside and tell him that it was supposed to be a secret.
Lesson Learned. No good deed goes unpunished.

 

[Poostuff]

I used to bring in 2 dozen cookies (where 2 was a dose) to factory and indiscriminately hand them out on Fridays. One day while walking down aisle at work a fellow started screaming "Cookie Monster" as I passed by as sort of a weird homage. I had to take him aside and tell him that it was supposed to be a secret.
Lesson Learned. No good deed goes unpunished.

That's hilarious.

 

[farscaper]

I used to actually have conversations with people.... now I just tend to not want to say anything to anyone....

anyway... this one time I was really sober and I decided to share some new nature facts I found.

did you know that grandaddy long legs arnt a species of spider? actually the term is used for 3 diffrent species... but the one im most familiar with is the one known as harvestmen "Opiliones"

long story short... they are rumored to be the most venomous spider known but have glands and fangs to small to bite you.... but they are not.

they are venomless harmless and more closely related to scorpions. they dont even have fangs they have little pincers that are so small they look like fangs... and to top it all they are omnivorous... not purely carnivorous....

on and on I poured info out for the "elders" to hear...

after I finished a brief silence.... followed by some old cat stating... your full of shit what a pack of lies. ive known about grandaddy long legs for 30 years before you were born they are very dangerous but the fangs are too small...

moral... I talk to much...

 

[hossthehermit]

cool story, bro ............

 

[MinnBobber]

I once had a friend named Tiny. He was a huge guy.
Tiny liked to bogey on the dance floor, literally. He was the Gator King.

End of short Tiny story.

 

[CuckFumbustion]

oops sorry wrong thread. Can't delete.
OR ... to be continued

 

[His_Highness]

I was a few weeks from the date my Navy enlistment was up and went for my physical. I was diagnosed with a double bilateral hernia. Funny thing about the diagnosis was I didn't feel any pain and worked out with weights, sit ups, etc. When I mentioned the lack of pain the doctor said it was borderline, would eventually cause me extreme pain and..... since I was not going to re-enlist I may as well let the Navy pay for it and spend the remaining time off duty with my feet up on bed rest. Sounded like a pretty good deal to me so I agreed to the operation. I was too young and stupid to think this doctor might be exaggerating and interested in 'his own training' before fulfilling his military obligations and starting a private practice.

I woke from the operation in the middle of the night craving a cigarette and a joint. The ward was quiet, dimly lit by a few red lights and nobody was on duty. I tested myself by slowly slipping my legs over the side of the bed and the pain was bearable.

I grabbed the Marlboro pack from the top drawer next to my bed that had a joint stashed in it. I was nude and knew there was no way I could put pants on so I just pulled the sheet around my shoulders. Bent over at a 45 degree angle, I shuffled an inch at a time out the ward and outside the hospital door to the smoking area that was thankfully on the same floor. After smoking the cigarette and half the joint I started my shuffle back to the ward. The pain in my crotch had finally kicked in for real and I was grunting a little with each shuffle.

As I got within 10 feet of the door to the ward.....a nurse opened the door on her way out and screamed her ass off when she ran into the visual of...... something in a white sheet, humped over and groaning in the hallway! She caught me by surprise so of course I screamed too, which caused my two new set of groin stitches to hurt like hell so I groaned louder which caused her to scream again. The whole encounter couldn't have taken more than a minute. By the time she got control of herself she was crying and swearing at me. I on the other hand found out that laughing hysterically hurt way more than screaming.

 

[farscaper]

I was a few weeks from the date my Navy enlistment was up and went for my physical. I was diagnosed with a double bilateral hernia. Funny thing about the diagnosis was I didn't feel any pain and worked out with weights, sit ups, etc. When I mentioned the lack of pain the doctor said it was borderline, would eventually cause me extreme pain and..... since I was not going to re-enlist I may as well let the Navy pay for it and spend the remaining time off duty with my feet up on bed rest. Sounded like a pretty good deal to me so I agreed to the operation. I was too young and stupid to think this doctor might be exaggerating and interested in 'his own training' before fulfilling his military obligations and starting a private practice.

I woke from the operation in the middle of the night craving a cigarette and a joint. The ward was quiet, dimly lit by a few red lights and nobody was on duty. I tested myself by slowly slipping my legs over the side of the bed and the pain was bearable.

I grabbed the Marlboro pack from the top drawer next to my bed that had a joint stashed in it. I was nude and knew there was no way I could put pants on so I just pulled the sheet around my shoulders. Bent over at a 45 degree angle, I shuffled an inch at a time out the ward and outside the hospital door to the smoking area that was thankfully on the same floor. After smoking the cigarette and half the joint I started my shuffle back to the ward. The pain in my crotch had finally kicked in for real and I was grunting a little with each shuffle.

As I got within 10 feet of the door to the ward.....a nurse opened the door on her way out and screamed her ass off when she ran into the visual of...... something in a white sheet, humped over and groaning in the hallway! She caught me by surprise so of course I screamed too, which caused my two new set of groin stitches to hurt like hell so I groaned louder which caused her to scream again. The whole encounter couldn't have taken more than a minute. By the time she got control of herself she was crying and swearing at me. I on the other hand found out that laughing hysterically hurt way more than screaming.

do you laugh or groan at that memory?

I myself found it uplifting and hysterical! awesome story!

 

[His_Highness]

do you laugh or groan at that memory?

I myself found it uplifting and hysterical! awesome story!

Thanks! I absolutely laugh when I think back to what I must have looked like to that nurse when she opened the door. I was already pretty out of it when I woke from the anesthesia in the middle of the night and then smoked a joint....I remember that it hurt like hell to laugh but I couldn't stop the cycle. The pain of the two new two inch incisions on both sides of my upper groin was so bad I was seeing stars but every time the pain stopped my laughing.... within seconds the joint and the swearing, crying nurse would make me laugh hysterically all over again and I couldn't stop it from happening over and over.

 

[gaseous_clay]

2 hernia surgeries. Umbilical & inguinal.

1. Umbilical: Not a huge deal. Innie turned into an outie (I got fat.) Doc found the slight inguinal, but it wasn't near bad enough for surgery on it. Nice & easy operation. Scar hidden nicely inside my belly button. The fun came that night when I decided to walk my 90 lb labrador. He saw a cat & took off. I dropped the leash rather than tear out my stitches. Dog got the cat's belly in his mouth. Cat dug all 4 claws into his neck & head. Dumb dog was crying, but wouldn't let go. I'm kicking him (lightly) and yelling to drop the cat. When he did the cat miraculously flipped while falling the 10 inches to the groud, landing on its feet in a full sprint. It was just a wow moment.

2. Inguinal: Got to working out for real & dropped about 25 lbs. Kept feeling a burn in my stomach. Thought it was just good workouts. Went for a checkup on the umbilical & the doc fount the inguinal torn WIDE OPEN. By the time of the surgery 2 weeks later I could barely walk. Where the umbilical recovery was nothing, the inguinal was 2 weeks of being laid up in pain. A month after the surgery, I had to load all my stuff in a moving van. That was fun. I fear ever needing inguinal surgery again.

 

[CuckFumbustion]

She screamed, then you screamed from her screaming. Comedy gold. Then being stuck in that pain-laugh loop.

Not nearly as comical, but since groin pain is kinda the theme at the moment.....

I did have an infected epididymis in my 20's. Let's say one boy was disproportional to the other boy for a while. Like the size of a baseball disproportionate. I'm not exaggerating by all that much. But let's just say big balls are not always tough balls. Imagine an already reknown sensitive area at scale that at least 1000x sensitive with more surface area. No actually scratch that. Don't ever imagine that. Just be glad you don't.
At least I didn't have a worse case of a twisted pair like some poor fellow. Already sympathize with any form of groin pain. Stitches or surgery well above that.
But don't underestimate the weakening power of inflammation.
Whenever I had to move. UNNECESSARY INTENSE PAIN! Well that is to be expected.
If I get to comfortable for a second. UNNECESSARY INTENSE PAIN!
Somebody slams the door in my building. YES PAIN! I ACTUALLY FELT THAT!
Kids skipping rope down the street. MORE PAIN! Seriously? Now you are trying too hard to make me miserable.

I turned out alright, but what in nature would want me to feel that much pain?

Had a temporary Sciatic Nerve injury condition. And it had it's own schedule for pain. No such thing as 'getting comfortable' with that. When I would have a flare up, it felt like somebody pored kerosene on my leg and set it off with a blow torch! It was not the kind of pain that could be managed either. I almost wanted to cut it off with a chainsaw like Ash in the evil dead movies. Because It certainly was trying it's damnest to bringing out the demons in me. I was pounding the floor and cursing out the pain when a spout would get real bad. Soak myself in hot water for hour. Get out. Pound the floor and curse some more. Back in the tub. Repeat. But over time it finally passed and my housemates were able to come out of hiding knowing the storm passed. And all the little demons were running away with their ears burning.

 

[TeeJay1952]

@CuckFumbustion It took really large balls to tell that story. Thank You!

 

[His_Highness]

@CuckFumbustion - That epididymis story is great. I could feel your pain ... almost felt bad laughing at it! @TeeJay1952 tag was hysterical!

Speaking of laughing at someone else's pain......

I was walking through the mall with a single buddy of mine. He had just had a job interview so he was wearing a suit and had recently gotten a hair cut. He doesn't normally dress up like that and he was feeling pretty good about himself.

As we were walking along he said 'Have you noticed the way the ladies are looking at me today. I should wear a suit more often'.

I smiled, looked him dead in the eye and said 'Yeah, the haircut isn't too bad either'.

As we walked along he would occasionally notice a woman looking at him and he would smile a little at her. It wasn't until he did that little smile and then added a head nod that I lost it.

When he asked what was so funny I finally had to tell him 'The suit and haircut are great but they got nothing on that huge snot rope you have weaved into your mustache'.

Nothing like a jet black mustache and some yellow snot rope to get ya noticed!

 

[grokit]

I fear ever needing inguinal surgery again.

I hear ya. I had it three years ago and it has caused me to have ongoing health issues. Evidently ~5% experience rejection of the polypropylene mesh used to make these repairs. It seems to have put me into a dynamic where I've been fighting an auto-immune syndrome, celiac disease and diabetes for starters.

 

[Poostuff]

I have a lot of tiny short stories, I'll share one of them.

When I was a very young child at my school we used to have cupcake sales. Parents made cupcakes & gave them to their kids to sell with the profits going to school equipment books etc.
My mother only allowed me to buy one cupcake so I had to be very selective but other kid were allowed to buy heaps.
I remember selling some & when it was my turn walking around with a coin in my hand trying to decide which one of these delicious cupcakes I'd like to buy.
One stall I came across had some very plain brown 'healthy' looking cupcakes which I wouldn't have looked at twice but then I noticed the seller seemed very upset.
He was an Asian kid & he was in tears because he was watching everyone around him buy the delicious looking cupcakes with fancy icing & candy, yet he hadn't sold any of his healthy (plain) looking cupcakes. No one looked twice at his stall.
This instantly struck a chord with me as my mother was big on healthy food & I couldn't help but feel sorry for this kid. He was in tears & couldn't even talk he was so upset.
I carefully eyed his plain boring looking cupcakes then looked back at the 20cent piece in my hand weighing up my decision.
I knew what I had to do.
I quickly turned around & took my little piggy self to another stall. Then bought & quickly ate the fanciest looking fucking cupcake I could find while trying not to think about that sad little Asian kid.
Pretty sure this was an early life test I failed at miserably & you can't imagine how disappointed my mum was when I told her. She didn't say much but I could tell.
Now days I don't even really like cupcakes

 

[lwien]

I had this nightmare that my schlong was no longer a schlong but in fact was turned into a little Vienna Sausage by my vengeful ex-wife who learned this spell from her grandmother, Miss Rudolf, the voodoo lady.

I think that fits into the title of this thread, eh?

 

[Slow Draw McGraw]

I had this nightmare that my schlong was no longer a schlong but in fact was turned into a little Vienna Sausage by my vengeful ex-wife who learned this spell from her grandmother, Miss Rudolf, the voodoo lady.

I think that fits into the title of this thread, eh?

Wait, you're a dude?

 

[lwien]

Wait, you're a dude?

Versus a dudette? Yeah.....

 

[gaseous_clay]

I had this nightmare that my schlong was no longer a schlong but in fact was turned into a little Vienna Sausage by my vengeful ex-wife who learned this spell from her grandmother, Miss Rudolf, the voodoo lady.

I think that fits into the title of this thread, eh?

Tiny? Check.
Short? Check.
Story? Meh... Standards are meant for people with standards. I'll allow it.
----------------------
Now, another tiny short story (I may have told before, but... you know)

Old friend's mom told me when my friend was about 8, mom had a party & made 2 trays of brownies. Red plate: Adults. Yellow plate: Kids. Got that kids? Don't eat the red plate brownies.

My friend disappeared. They looked everywhere. Where was she?

They found her down the block, laid out on a lawn. What are you doing? "Clouds are pretty." Did you eat the red plate brownies? "Yeah."

 

[Slow Draw McGraw]

Versus a dudette? Yeah.....

I know, it was in line with your story(nightmare)

 

[Derrrpp]

I had this nightmare that my schlong was no longer a schlong but in fact was turned into a little Vienna Sausage by my vengeful ex-wife who learned this spell from her grandmother, Miss Rudolf, the voodoo lady.

I think that fits into the title of this thread, eh?

For some reason that reminded me of the dream I had last night, though it had nothing to do with vengeful ex-wives or Vienna sausages...

In my dream, I had quit my awful job. Just walked off in the middle of my shift, without a word to anyone. It was exhilarating!

Then I woke up...

I think my subconscious might be trying to tell me something...

 

[gaseous_clay]

For some reason that reminded me of the dream I had last night, though it had nothing to do with vengeful ex-wives or Vienna sausages...

In my dream, I had quit my awful job. Just walked off in the middle of my shift, without a word to anyone. It was exhilarating!

Then I woke up...

I think my subconscious might be trying to tell me something...

Were you in your underwear?