The Invisible Woman?

[samantabha]

Having been amused recently by an article in the Cannabist about how women are generally not visible as stoners in the entertainment industry (http://www.thecannabist.co/2014/02/10/broad-city-rise-female-stoner/4324/), I thought it might be worthwhile to start a thread here and maybe create a little (albeit limited) visibility.
I haven't figured out yet what the demographics are on a site like fuckcombustion.com but I imagine that they skew toward the younger male (later teens to 40). This is helped by the fact that this is a very specialized site that centers on something (vaping) that hasn't yet gone entirely mainstream. I think you have to be pretty passionate and detailed in terms of pot knowledge (or at least want to be) to even visit, let alone stay. And though I see some women consistently posting some great stuff here, in general it looks like there are more men than women in that category.
Where are the 'soccer moms' like me (older, suburban, middle class + three children)? And where are the other women? At the very end of the article, the author addresses this and makes the comment that mothers tend to have concerns around pot and parenting that makes them naturally cautious about being too pro-marijuana. That very well may be, but I know I can go to my Facebook page right now and pull up dozens of friends who fit my own demographic and love mj. It's guaranteed that when I post a pro-legalization article on my site, I'll get a slew of 'likes' from all of them. Currently, I'm in the process of educating a lot of my friends about vaping and am getting some great responses. We need to come out of the closet (grimly, I still often go there....)! Getting us all to talk to each other honestly could help create a better world, I think. I KNOW that mj is a wonderful enhancement to my parenting and to my whole life. It's simply got to be that way for others too, I'm sure.
With this purpose in mind, it would be great to see more women writing about the experiences they've had with mj, with pot culture, with how it relates to growing up, career, family, about how they started smoking and then vaping. Naturally, I'm enthusiastic about telling my own tales (and I've already created some little essays here). Would anyone like to share a bit of their own story(s)? (of course, if men have any comments/stories they'd like to add, that would be welcome too!)

 

[tuk]

In terms of the legalization movement & how it needs to instigate a sea change in mainstream perception of mj, .....1 soccer mom(older, suburban, middle class + three children) is worth a 1000 young male stoners imo.

One of the great things about this site is the amount of female members compared to other canna sites & we have a female mod. ...makes things a bit more interesting/normal than the usual boys club.

 

[samantabha]

I like to hear that, @tuk. Especially your first comment about what needs to start a sea change. Even if things are opening up, there's still a lot of self-censorship going on. No one I know personally is waving a banner for legalization, even as they enjoy it in their own home. This has got to change. I've been reading Paul Armentano and Steve Fox's book 'Marijuana is Safer'. They talk about creating a critical mass by building positive support, individual by individual, under a unified theme. In their case, they focused on what turned out to be a very successful message (leading to the legalization of recreational pot in Colorado): "marijuana is safer than alcohol". That, along with promoting cannabis oil for seizures in children, could really resonate with moms. It's time to rebrand marijuana.

 

[2clicker]

"marijuana is safer than alcohol"

i wonder why they dont use tobacco as an example instead. it kills more worldwide yearly than alcohol and all of the illegal drugs... combined.

this is proof that mj prohibition is not about public safety. its clear as day right in everyones face.

freedom...? yeah right

 

[Magic9]

Great topic and post. NORML has been calling on women to "come out of the closet" for some time now.

http://norml.org/women

http://normlwomensalliance.org/

 

[samantabha]

Great topic and post. NORML has been calling on women to "come out of the closet" for some time now.

http://norml.org/women

http://normlwomensalliance.org/

Doing a NORML meeting for first time this Sunday. Thnx Magic9!

mod note: Edited to move reply outside QUOTE tags.

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

For what it's worth, here in California, I'm a medical patient. I've seen lots of middle-aged ladies, probably moms (some I know from hearing them talking about their kids) in the budrooms getting their stuff. I met a LOT of "stoner girls" on campus taking classes. I suspect a lot of them don't talk about it simply because other people (usually guys, unfortunately) try to take advantage of that. I know a few girls that don't smoke with many guys because of it or experiences in the past. Or I dunno, maybe it's not really something that needs to be said? I don't really go around advertising #420SWED, I can do it fine without telling everyone about it

I suspect at some point my mom will try it. I know when she was younger she had a few bad experiences with her brothers forcing her to smoke a lot (bad childhood) but she really eased up about it when we talked about me having a medical card/all the benefits I get from it. I'm making some rub with coconut oil and ABV to see how it works for muscular pain, might be good stuff for her since (right now) she doesn't want to try it, or at least she hasn't shown any interest.

 

[samantabha]

I was thinking about your very good question "maybe it's not really something that needs to be said" @Quetzalcoatl. I started asking myself why I did want to talk about it and why I think that it might be important for other people (women in this case) to talk about it. What I came up with is still a little unsatisfactory to me, but I thought I'd try to put it out there anyway.
The reason I think it should be talked about is that by making it an open subject with public implications, instead of its being locked up in an individual lifestyle, this automatically fulfills two beneficial objectives 1) defuses it as an exotic substance (the mistaken view of its being dangerous which keeps it from helping so many people) 2) expands opportunities for innovation within the context of social networking. I'm really interested in the latter. I've watched creative invention/technology explode from the 60s to the beginning of this 21st century, so much of which is due to having a common language (the language of modernity), an integrated and far reaching media, which entails being able to entertain and share freely all kinds of ideas that before that would have been suppressed or simply unknown. Example: pot is now legal in Colorado. It's become something that people talk about and connect over and in the process create new products from. We've got tinctures, sodas, chocolates, and multiple other confections. And look at the massive profusion of vaporizers and related equipment. We've got new industries starting to spring up, that are in the business of refining pleasures and healing ills. What could you do with just a tincture? Maybe tinctures could be just the novelty that little old ladies are looking for. You know, a few drops in your tea? Makes the joint ache go away. Leads to a fine book discussion, a taste of that delectable cake. It's a conversation that could touch a lot more people, help a lot more people, create even more new and interesting scenarios. Like different kinds of jobs. You could become a specialized counselor in creating experiences, combining dosages and delivery systems with other conditions (like yoga, meditation, sports, gourmet cuisine, being in nature) to assist people in finding their best high, their best insight. Wouldn't that be taking the enjoyment of life to another level, wouldn't that be doing some great good for society as a whole? Alcohol is in common coinage. Marijuana is not (yet at least). It's clear to me because in my workplace, and it most places around home, drinking can be spoken of freely, but smoking mj cannot. Why? I used to be pro-legalization on the basis of simple injustice - why should anyone be put in jail for enjoying a little organic substance? But now my passion is flowing into a greatly expanded place; we have in fact WASTED the enormous potential of an amazing plant due to our ignorance and ungrounded fears. I believe that when we start talking about it outside of our circles of devotion (as nice as those nests are), then real change can happen. I especially like the vision of women being openly involved and talking. First, since I am one. Second, because it's a huge untapped potential. I'd love to see my friends come out and tell everyone what they think and feel, the ideas they have. You can really build some good stuff from a broad conversation (pun not intended!).

 

[Delta3DStudios]

Haven't read the whole thread (Hot damn @samantabha - and I thought some of my posts could get a little long!)

Just to add my - I'm guilty of assuming more males were stoners.

However, when I looked at the google analytics data for my vape accessories store, specifically the demographic information, I was quite surprised to see 46% of the visitors to my site were female! Even my wife (she doesn't care for cannabis) was shocked to see that statistic.

Granted, my sample size is quite small with only a few months of data (less than 20 visitors a day). But still, it was amazing to see

 

[2clicker]

mj is the largest cash crop in north america

it needs to be a spoken about by everyone... even those that dont use it

 

[Caligula]

It's a pretty well known fact that everyone on the internet is a dude, especially the ones who profess to be hot females.

True story.

 

[CarolKing]

I think often times women don't have the time to spend on a forum like this. If they do it's usually something related to raising a family, career, entertainment or something to do with personal beauty. Also women don't advertise like men do, that they use cannabis. It's a known fact. Probably more women are open these days because it's more excepted in society than some years ago.

When women do have the time they tend to put others a head of themselves such as family and friends to devote to. There's plenty of females out there secretly enjoying the pleasures of the forbidden fruit. We just don't hear about it.

Where I work the people there have no clue that I use cannabis. It's a very conservative environment and I wouldn't want to jeopardize my career. My immediate family knows and a few of my friends, but I keep my private life, private.

As I get older I don't feel the need to hide around or anything. I know several of my colleagues at work that are very judgmental about cannabis. I live in WA so I heard all the negativity about it when the rec law passed. Some day I hope to have a different job so I can feel that I can be more open. Yesterday was the first time I went to a mmj farmers market so I'm not as secretive as I used to be.

It's such a great outlet to be able to participate on this forum. I'm so glad I stumbled upon this place while looking for a vaporizer. You are a great group of people.

 

[Caligula]

Rarely does good come from involving your personal life with your work life, regardless. This may be a blessing in disguise.

 

[samantabha]

@CarolKing - so astutely observed. I laughed a little when I read your response because I realized I couldn't even come back to FC almost all weekend (managed to post a picture or two). I've been so busy with kids. I don't know if it's because I put anyone or anything ahead of myself however. I just like being around children. They're clear and spontaneous, for the most part. And we can all play games and sing songs together. I love it!
But of course there are responsibilities. I can't always get to my writing. Work too impinges. I can't talk about mj there, at least not my personal experience (legalization talk is fine). I want to keep my job. I don't want to be drug tested. I don't want to be labeled.
But wait - labeling - that's the very thing that is reinforced by not talking...it's one of those vicious circles isn't it? If no one talks, then the myths don't get busted. And if the myths don't get busted, no one talks....

 

[VaporsVaporizer]

Great topic and post. NORML has been calling on women to "come out of the closet" for some time now.

I've been out years. What i've found is that on this site, most people assume you're a man, unless you state that you are not. For the first year i didn't really care. When i really felt like a part of the forum, i let people know. i've never hidden the fact that i use cannabis, unless i had to take a drug test for work in Hospitals. Once i passed , i was right back to using, since they don't usually retest you unless there's an "incident".

I'm not a soccer mom & i'm retired now I've never had to hide it from anyone but employers.

What i hope will happen soon is that advertising will stop catering to just men. Some "babe" with fake breasts in a bikini just doesn't do it for me They need to diversify .

Someday soon it will be legal, and i never thought that would happen

 

[samantabha]

I've been out years. What i've found is that on this site, most people assume you're a man, unless you state that you are not. For the first year i didn't really care. When i really felt like a part of the forum, i let people know. i've never hidden the fact that i use cannabis, unless i had to take a drug test for work in Hospitals. Once i passed , i was right back to using, since they don't usually retest you unless there's an "incident".

I'm not a soccer mom & i'm retired now I've never had to hide it from anyone but employers.

What i hope will happen soon is that advertising will stop catering to just men. Some "babe" with fake breasts in a bikini just doesn't do it for me They need to diversify .

Someday soon it will be legal, and i never thought that would happen

@VaporsVaporizer, that's empowering to hear. I've been an activist for a number of different causes, all related to one essential theme: social/economic justice. Anti-war, pro-environment, fighting against 'welfare reform' in Wisconsin (they should have named it 'welfare deform' because it screwed the taxpayers while serving significantly fewer women and children - but lined the pockets of of private agencies), working with Milwaukee NOW, and trying to repeal Citizen's United (to limit campaign cash and throw out 'corporations as persons'). It's all been about affects most of us, what makes for a better world. I never thought I would be involved in efforts to legalize marijuana. It's not that I ever thought it ought to be illegal. I knew the laws were stupid. I just didn't pay much attention because 1) I wasn't partaking frequently 2) I wasn't so clear, until recently, as to how prohibition fitted in to the larger picture of injustice.
I had an opportunity to hear Angela Davis speak at UW-Milwaukee a number of years ago. She spoke eloquently and passionately about the huge problem of needless incarceration of people, particularly young black men, and her speech lit up a part of me, just made me so angry. I sound like a kid when I say this, but it's NOT FAIR (maybe being kidlike isn't so bad if it lights up your spirit!). At the time I was focused more on the effects of imprisonment upon young people. Now, looking more directly at the causes, and how they are bound up with the same movements I had supported before (which are basically anti-corporate), I can't help but try to become more involved. At the end of this summer, I'm going to join the local chapter of NORML and see what I can do to help change things in this state. Writing and talking to people, both inside and outside places like FC, I think makes a difference too. You just never know who you touch, where you might ignite a little spark....

 

[VaporsVaporizer]

We all need to be activists, for cannabis and everything else that's important. Our laws are draconian, we incarcerate people and ruin lives-forever.

Everyone needs to come out of their "closets" about cannabis usage. If it's safe for them to do so . The momentum is on our side now, even the NY Times thinks they should legalize .

 

[samantabha]

I just came out of the closet. I mean, literally, I walked out of my closet. The little girls had me retreating to the claustrophobic comfort of my walk-in, where I could steal some vapor. I still don't feel quite right having to talk about this with the 14 and 9 year olds. So I avoid the prospect altogether by simply closing the door to my room.
It makes me grimace to think that i have to hide a vaporizer but Katie's (my 14 year old's friend's) mom can proffer jello shots and draw brazenly on a cigarette. It's ok for Katie to dream of .... being old enough to go to a bar. But that I would introduce any mention of the rightfulness of marijuana - well that's like being the witch in the woods. Don't let those innocent children be stained!
So I tiptoe around the subject. But, really, why? I guess I've just been so conditioned. Because there is truly no intrinsic reason. I have been taught to believe that smoking pot is really bad. I've been smoking off and on for years (since 1977 @VaporsVaporizer) so actual practice didn't reflect any problem. But there seems to be this other layer of the consciousness that discriminates and judges and comes down heavy on the side of the status quo that still afflicts me. I'm living this subtle double life. In the pure subjective, an electricity raised from merging shadow with shadow, bringing the spirit back in line with itself, permeates and builds. Happiness radiates happiness. There is nothing wrong with the altered state, I know. But then I start thinking objectively again (making of things an object) that marijuana is schedule 1 and nobody is supposed to talk about doing it and if you smoke regularly you're a 'pothead'. God forbid if your kids know.
Will I be able to heal this schism?

 

[gangababa]

... But then I start thinking objectively again (making of things an object) that marijuana is schedule 1 and nobody is supposed to talk about doing it and if you smoke regularly you're a 'pothead'. God forbid if your kids know.
Will I be able to heal this schism?

While raising the kids I essentially gave up the medicine because of the parental dharmic dilemma. My son, nonetheless, took to pot. Also, without "anti-samsara" medicine, my sickness eventually ended the marriage.
Recently my son told how much he learned from me one night.
I was walking past his room and smelled cannabis so I went in and found he was puffing the pipe resin.
I objectively said, "See how, with such stealth and seduction, the plant can addict one to fearing it's absence."
Had it been his dramatic Mom, likely railing, he would not have heard, he said.

Now the kids are adults and I am free to be me, the one addicted since '69 to the fabulous fruit of feeling the sativa successfully seduce the self into acceptance of the non-negatable truth of the "I AM"- the never-absent 'subject' that 'objectifies' all else that comes and goes.

 

[VaporsVaporizer]

I'm living this subtle double life. In the pure subjective, an electricity raised from merging shadow with shadow, bringing the spirit back in line with itself, permeates and builds. Happiness radiates happiness. There is nothing wrong with the altered state, I know. But then I start thinking objectively again (making of things an object) that marijuana is schedule 1 and nobody is supposed to talk about doing it and if you smoke regularly you're a 'pothead'. God forbid if your kids know.
Will I be able to heal this schism?

Hopefully soon, it's just ridiculous that alcohol is legal and no one cares if you drink around your kids! It's the cannabis sigma and i'd be worried if i had kids too.

 

[samantabha]

While raising the kids I essentially gave up the medicine because of the parental dharmic dilemma. My son, nonetheless, took to pot. Also, without "anti-samsara" medicine, my sickness eventually ended the marriage.
Recently my son told how much he learned from me one night.
I was walking past his room and smelled cannabis so I went in and found he was puffing the pipe resin.
I objectively said, "See how, with such stealth and seduction, the plant can addict one to fearing it's absence."
Had it been his dramatic Mom, likely railing, he would not have heard, he said.

Now the kids are adults and I am free to be me, the one addicted since '69 to the fabulous fruit of feeling the sativa successfully seduce the self into acceptance of the non-negatable truth of the "I AM"- the never-absent 'subject' that 'objectifies' all else that comes and goes.

Well said, @gangababa. Interesting experience with your son! I was recently on the verge of telling mine. I was showing him photos of my recent trip to Colorado and we happened upon the ones of the dispensaries. I went right ahead and told him about how great it was that things were opening up there, at least, and that there was this real abundance. He asked "how much for a quarter?". Then I knew we were on solid ground. He is, after all, 23 years old. I know he parties because I've helped clean his apartment. I guess I wouldn't expect him NOT to socialize and enjoy intoxicants. I hope I've educated my kids enough to indulge with some balance; to understand the ramifications, to try things out but not to mess up their lives.

 

[samantabha]

Hey, I just read some great 'out of the closet' stuff by a couple of very candid (and funny) writers: Neal Pollack has this neat piece on "Pot, Parenting, and Outing Myself" ('The Pot Book' Julie Holland, M.D. editor). He talks about being able to integrate pot into parenting, which is my thought as well. I have so much fun with my kids after I've vaped. I get into their kid videos, sing with them, do art, engage in thought-provoking as well as silly behavior, get all kinds of new ideas for projects, listen to everything they say. There's just no interference. Plus, when I get high, I become more energetic usually. I think clearly, lay down the law at the appropriate points, get things easily organized and cleaned, see just how the day has got to go (although we may meander everywhere - but that's a good thing too).
I also like another article in the book, "Cannabis. The Stealth Goddess" (Doug Rushkoff) Wow, that one described my relationship with the plant so well. The writer puts an emphasis on how mj stops time. How it opens up a set of contradictions that force depth and loyalty, how it can see the Real You. Live straight or live stoned. It's a choice we make. I can see that. And if we 'live stoned', do we have the courage to fully express it and be it?

I thought about this some more. About my personal experience. It's been a month now where I've been either smoking or vaping everyday. Never before in my life has it been like this; I've generally been pretty conservative, even when I was doing speed or hallucinogens. But I think I had an epiphany last month that changed everything; I decided that the pursuit of the ultimate high is a valid one. In fact, as a culture, we NEED to get high. Remember Bob Dylan crooning crookedly "evvvVerybody must get stoned!"? This need is not usually properly acknowledged. We condemn the homeless for taking our dollars to buy a drink or a hit - as if they wouldn't want, just as we do, the most efficient way to happiness. We talk about all the "value" imbued in discipline, work, god-fearingness - as if somehow they trump the pursuit of happiness. But they did a study not too long ago that polled people on their top three ways to experience joy. God came in third, family came in second. Guess what was #1 by a wide margin? Partying. Yes, getting high was considered the top pursuit.
That tells you something - about the huge lie circulating in society. Everyone wants it, a lot of people are getting it - but nobody is admitting it. Time to drop the pretense.

 

[grokit]

There's a lot of people down on happiness, the mindset (not conscious) is if they're miserable then you should be too. Be extremely careful not to let these kind of people interfere with your parenting, these can be the type that will (depending on state laws) try and take the kids away "for their own good." If you happen to have a gun and a scale laying around, it could also be a huge legal issue or even worse.

That does sound like an excellent book, I believe that I will pick up a copy for myself and perhaps my mother when her birthday rolls around, who seems to have a stubborn subconscious reefer madness mindset.

 

[samantabha]

There's a lot of people down on happiness, the mindset (not conscious) is if they're miserable then you should be too. Be extremely careful not to let these kind of people interfere with your parenting, these can be the type that will (depending on state laws) try and take the kids away "for their own good." If you happen to have a gun and a scale laying around, it could also be a huge legal issue or even worse.

That does sound like an excellent book, I believe that I will pick up a copy for myself and perhaps my mother when her birthday rolls around, who seems to have a stubborn subconscious reefer madness mindset.

I do worry about that. I take a lot of precautions and only let certain people into my interior world. Fuller expression is left for writing mainly. And talking politics when I can. I have a lot of kids over here on a regular basis and I don't want parents feeling that their children are unsafe. My ex was devoted to both his legal and illegal drugs. No one ever made a fuss over that. Still, you never know about people. After he died (about a year ago, of pneumonia related to his chemotherapy for cancer) his sister has been spending more time with us. I don't trust her intentions (she barred me from the hospital room as he lay dying). I am super discreet around people like her. They can smile in your face (and "all the time they want to take your place...the backstabbers")

 

[oliveoil]

We all need to be activists, for cannabis and everything else that's important. Our laws are draconian, we incarcerate people and ruin lives-forever.

Everyone needs to come out of their "closets" about cannabis usage. If it's safe for them to do so . The momentum is on our side now, even the NY Times thinks they should legalize .

Couldn't agree more that we all need to be activists. I would say I am out of the closet as safely as I can be, hiding only from the necessary people. I think it is important to let other people see that you can be a successful person and still use cannabis regularly.

It makes me grimace to think that i have to hide a vaporizer but Katie's (my 14 year old's friend's) mom can proffer jello shots and draw brazenly on a cigarette. It's ok for Katie to dream of .... being old enough to go to a bar. But that I would introduce any mention of the rightfulness of marijuana - well that's like being the witch in the woods. Don't let those innocent children be stained!

I couldn't agree more, why is it okay for children to see their parents smoking or drinking which are harmful for you but the thought of letting your child know about cannabis or vaporizers is taboo?