Random thoughts

[looney2nz]

There is a woman at my job I wish sat somewhere else. I don't work directly with her, but she sits where if I leave my office I have to walk by her desk for just about anything. I happen to think she is lovely.

So I wish she sat off in a corner somewhere where I never saw her, as I always feel like a huge creep walking by as my eyes can't help noticing her & brain thinking "that is just lovely." (in much the same way as if walking by there were suddenly a beach with a fantastic sunset.)

Sexual Harassment Seminar over here! (jk).

Have you actually talked with her? Is there some potential that your feeling is mutual?
What are the risks? List the positives and negatives and BE honest! As long as you are both consenting single adults, only company policy might muck up the works, my last company allowed it as long as there no effect in either chain of command.
Trust me, while you feel like you're in a spotlight viewing her beauty, she probably has ENOUGH experiences with men who are more prone to grab, pinch, hoot & holler, etc... than guys who imagine they are redder than red as they walk by that desk. So you're starting off ahead. THAT is NOT license to leer, ogle, etc.

failing all that, talk to your manager and see if there is a managerial fix that might keep her out of your line of sight. the world doesn't need more distractions! (I wouldn't mind more beauty <heart/mind/body>)

 

[Tranquility]

There is a woman at my job I wish sat somewhere else. I don't work directly with her, but she sits where if I leave my office I have to walk by her desk for just about anything. I happen to think she is lovely.

So I wish she sat off in a corner somewhere where I never saw her, as I always feel like a huge creep walking by as my eyes can't help noticing her & brain thinking "that is just lovely." (in much the same way as if walking by there were suddenly a beach with a fantastic sunset.)

I've coached girls and women for many, many years and can tell you you're not hiding anything no matter how cool and clever you think you're being. Girls are different from boys and their internal life calculation of relationship with all who are around her is constantly going on. You have two options, talk to her (as @looney2nz wrote) or decide to permanently put yourself on time out.

Better to talk with her even if you decide on time out.

"Hey there, I walk by your desk every day and I just want to introduce myself, I'm gaseous_clay. I work over there [Be sure to squeeze your bicep against your body as you point to show full manliness.] and just wanted to say Hi and introduce myself. You have a great day." Then walk away and to do your business. If she returns the introduction before you leave, LOOK at her (eyes up) and LISTEN to what she says. Not with any expectation of any particular result or attempt to guide, but with an open mind who is interacting with a co-worker.

It's not creepy; it's not harassment; it's courtesy.

Rereading edit:
If this is a long-term issue and everyone's name is already known, do the Teacher's trick. As you walk by, NOTICE something THEY prize and comment on it approvingly. Mentioning a pin they put on on special occasions and what it reminds you of will help create a link. "That's a really nice pin, it reminds me of puppies. What does it remind you of?" (Note the open-ended question. It will give you far more guidance on how much she might want to continue the conversation than asking something that can be answered with a yes or a no.)

 

[arb]

Run!!!!

 

[gaseous_clay]

Against my better judgement I did try talking to her at one point. I came to realize that she was a person I have fairly regular correspondence with via email at work. (When there is an issue I take care of that causes another issue I email that issue to her department to take care of.) So a few times I stopped by her desk to let her know something was coming. Friendly, but there was nothing beyond a thank you. Nothing beyond the casual, barely audible "hi" when passing in the kitchen area.

And yes, I am aware that women know when you're ogling them. I try not to even turn my head toward her & walk right by. The fine line is how not to be obvious that you're trying not to look. I mean, I could take the long way around the office when I see her at her desk. I could turn my head away at an obvious angle when walking by. I could shield my vision and scurry by...

I had a similar problem with another woman who just did it for me when I was in school several years ago. She was in the same program as me & for a few years we shared nearly every class. I had a relationship that crashed & burned at the end of the first semester shared with her, so I asked her out & she accepted... then awkwardly backed out last minute (I figured she realized I was looking to get to know her on more than just a friendly level & bailed.) Ok. No big thing until next semester where she's in all my classes again. Whatever. So great, we got put in the same groups in every class. Next semester, the disappointment of her again. And in the same groups. Asked her out again & got a weird, awkward excuse that wasn't a no, but wasn't a yes. Let it go... Next semester, same classes & groups. Before graduation I let her know one last time how I thought she was amazing & laid it out that when I had asked her out I was hoping to get to know her and possibly date (she was a "Why can't I meet a good man?" type.) She stared at me like I had laid it all out in Klingon. Not a word. I apologized if I had offended her & left. Some time later I was talking to the head of the department who then brought her up and said how we always worked so well together. I told her how I had asked her out, but it didn't happen so every time we were teamed up I wanted to scream. Her reaction made me ask "Were you trying to play matchmaker???" She pleaded "But you two always seemed so perfect together!" All you can do is laugh when you realize the torment was engineered by someone who saw the same thing you did & had the best wishes.

 

[Tranquility]

Look and smile as you walk past, just like it was a buddy you didn't want to have sex with. It does not seem like she wants more at this time. That does not mean she doesn't want you to ask about the pin. (Or the mug, or the picture, etc.) If it is really a problem, there's a couple of Christian psychologists that have a ministry about "Every Man's Battle" that gives tips on how to deal with such situations. Even if you don't do it for Jebus, doesn't mean the tips aren't useful.

If it's not really a problem and you get caught walking by as your gaze drifts down her legs, a saving throw from the harassment re-education camps might be "nice shoes". Just sayn'.

Re-education camp:

 

[arb]

See............if you had taken my advice and just ran away this would be handled by now.
Preferably with your arms over your head,waving wildly about and screaming........that juices them up every time.

 

[macbill]

arms over your head,waving wildly about and screamin

You're that famous author of the book "How to Pick Up Chicks", aren't you?

 

[grampa_herb]

Office romance, exercise caution!

Oh if copy machines could talk....

 

[Tranquility]

You're that famous author of the book "How to Pick Up Chicks", aren't you?

Yup, the 'ol "Peacock" move.

I remember reading a study about a group of apes where the most successful ape (most sex partners) had that one trick women hate while stronger, bigger and more "alpha" apes did not do as well. What was the move? Throwing oil drums down a hill. Everyone had to look at the noise and the scientists felt the mere fact who is most noticed is directly related to who is most...lucky with the ladies.

It seems like drummers get all the chicks in the ape world too.

 

[macbill]

From "Canned Music" by Dan Hicks and His Hot Licks:

And that was the night she left me, danced herself into my memory.
My baby had to leave me for the drummer, I guess I'll never solve that mystery.
I think I've learned my lesson just don't get too near the band/ when it's
Live music, live music.......

 

[gaseous_clay]

Got it. Ask her about her fabulous shoes. Then find them in my size & rock them in the office just to make her think I’m not noticing her because I’m some creep.

 

[arb]

Got it. Ask her about her fabulous shoes. Then find them in my size & rock them in the office just to make her think I’m not noticing her because I’m some creep.

You are unstoppable!!!

 

[Tranquility]

Got it. Ask her about her fabulous shoes. Then find them in my size & rock them in the office just to make her think I’m not noticing her because I’m some creep.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

 

[Madri-Gal]

Against my better judgement I did try talking to her at one point. I came to realize that she was a person I have fairly regular correspondence with via email at work. (When there is an issue I take care of that causes another issue I email that issue to her department to take care of.) So a few times I stopped by her desk to let her know something was coming. Friendly, but there was nothing beyond a thank you. Nothing beyond the casual, barely audible "hi" when passing in the kitchen area.

And yes, I am aware that women know when you're ogling them. I try not to even turn my head toward her & walk right by. The fine line is how not to be obvious that you're trying not to look. I mean, I could take the long way around the office when I see her at her desk. I could turn my head away at an obvious angle when walking by. I could shield my vision and scurry by...

I had a similar problem with another woman who just did it for me when I was in school several years ago. She was in the same program as me & for a few years we shared nearly every class. I had a relationship that crashed & burned at the end of the first semester shared with her, so I asked her out & she accepted... then awkwardly backed out last minute (I figured she realized I was looking to get to know her on more than just a friendly level & bailed.) Ok. No big thing until next semester where she's in all my classes again. Whatever. So great, we got put in the same groups in every class. Next semester, the disappointment of her again. And in the same groups. Asked her out again & got a weird, awkward excuse that wasn't a no, but wasn't a yes. Let it go... Next semester, same classes & groups. Before graduation I let her know one last time how I thought she was amazing & laid it out that when I had asked her out I was hoping to get to know her and possibly date (she was a "Why can't I meet a good man?" type.) She stared at me like I had laid it all out in Klingon. Not a word. I apologized if I had offended her & left. Some time later I was talking to the head of the department who then brought her up and said how we always worked so well together. I told her how I had asked her out, but it didn't happen so every time we were teamed up I wanted to scream. Her reaction made me ask "Were you trying to play matchmaker???" She pleaded "But you two always seemed so perfect together!" All you can do is laugh when you realize the torment was engineered by someone who saw the same thing you did & had the best wishes.

@gaseous_clay, your stories are sweet, sad, touching and uplifting. You sound like a good and decent person. If anyone deserves to find love, it's you. I'm on team @gaseous_clay .

See............if you had taken my advice and just ran away this would be handled by now.
Preferably with your arms over your head,waving wildly about and screaming........that juices them up every time.

Don't let them give you a hard time about your Fine Moves, @arb. If it worked on Mrs.arb, it works . Go ahead and , show us your Fine a**, as you run away . At first, you run and lady be like , but you made her look, so this is mucho the Right Track . Next time you run, she be . Try running faster for, . Now that you have her attention, throw up your arms for , then add arm waving for , . Laughing is good. Chix luv doods with a sense of humor . Now, you got all that going on, , you can add the screaming , ( ) and that should lead to . Scream louder, but don't stop the arm waving . Don't .You are demonstrating endurance . How else we gonna know you can last? Me, I see a guy running-screaming-arm waving , I get intrigued , then impressed . Pretty soon, and , then . If you see , or , or or , STOP. Go back a step. No sense . You must , and slow down, if you want this lady to with you, or you. If the first sequence of full moves doesn't work, just go back one step . If that doesn't work, go back one more, until she is , then go forward again. You aren't , just stalled. Smile, , then run-wave-scream until she stops , and goes to . You are killing It! . Now add a new move , like . That way she doesn't think you just don't like her perfume , and you are trying to impress her, not running away from the scent. At first, she be like because she Misunderstood. Keep going, and she should move to the next stage . You should, quite laterally, be hot right now . So, you are hot and have endurance. That leads to , , then , , then . If not, time to quit and .
Good news, your method works . Better news, you aren't single, because your moves work. I'm not sure we women could handle it , and dating . Just .

Peace out.
and .

 

[arb]

@gaseous_clay, your stories are sweet, sad, touching and uplifting. You sound like a good and decent person. If anyone deserves to find love, it's you. I'm on team @gaseous_clay .

Don't let them give you a hard time about your Fine Moves, @arb. If it worked on Mrs.arb, it works . Go ahead and , show us your Fine a**, as you run away . At first, you run and lady be like , but you made her look, so this is mucho the Right Track . Next time you run, she be . Try running faster for, . Now that you have her attention, throw up your arms for , then add arm waving for , . Laughing is good. Chix luv doods with a sense of humor . Now, you got all that going on, , you can add the screaming now, ( ) and that should lead to . Scream louder, but don't stop the arm waving . Don't .You are demonstrating endurance . How else we gonna know you can last? Me, I see a guy running-screaming-arm waving , I get intrigued , then impressed . Pretty soon, and , then . If you see , or , or or , STOP. Go back a step. No sense . You must , and slow down, if you want this lady to with you, or you. If the first sequence of full moves doesn't work, just go back one step . If that doesn't work, go back one more, until she is , then go forward again. You aren't , just stalled. Smile, , then run-wave-scream until she stops , and goes to . You are killing It! Now add a new move , like . That way she doesn't think you just don't like her perfume , and you are trying to impress her, not running away. At first, she be like because she Misunderstood. Keep going, and she should move to the next stage . You should, quite laterally, be hot right now . So, you are hot and have endurance. That leads to , , then , , then . If not, time to quit and .
Good news, your method works . Better news, you aren't single, because your moves work. I'm not sure we women could handle it , and dating . Just .

Peace out.
and .

See..............told ya.

 

[gaseous_clay]

Weird...

I have the day off. Still had a class today. On the way home I'm walking down the street and hear a woman say "Excuse me." I look up to see a car window rolling down as she says "Excuse me handsome..."

At this point I accidentally step half into the spot where the sidewalk ends because there is a tree, and catch myself.

"Ooh! Don't fall for me now!"

I laugh & thank her, then ask what's up figuring she needs directions or something.

"Oh, nothing. I just wanted to wish you a nice afternoon and make you smile."

I thanked her & wished her the same. That was sweet... and totally weird. (I'm not even in pretty mode. I'm totally in trying to kick the flu mode, tired & unshaven with my gray all grown out trying not to cough up my breakfast.)

 

[Madri-Gal]

Weird...

I have the day off. Still had a class today. On the way home I'm walking down the street and hear a woman say "Excuse me." I look up to see a car window rolling down as she says "Excuse me handsome..."

At this point I accidentally step half into the spot where the sidewalk ends because there is a tree, and catch myself.

"Ooh! Don't fall for me now!"

I laugh & thank her, then ask what's up figuring she needs directions or something.

"Oh, nothing. I just wanted to wish you a nice afternoon and make you smile."

I thanked her & wished her the same. That was sweet... and totally weird. (I'm not even in pretty mode. I'm totally in trying to kick the flu mode, tired & unshaven with my gray all grown out trying not to cough up my breakfast.)

See, now that's sexxy.
Are you an introvert, by the way ? Or is there a no dating in the workplace situation?

 

[Tranquility]

"Oh, nothing. I just wanted to wish you a nice afternoon and make you smile."

Come on random thoughts FC members, let's Cyrano this for him. My first thought from behind the bush:

"I could have a very nice afternoon if you tell me what makes you smile."

 

[arb]

Hop in and see where life takes you.

 

[gaseous_clay]

There are no rules against dating in the workplace, but I made that mistake a long time ago and know all too well how when it crashes & burns (as everything has done so far) how that can make things much, much, much worse.

Imagine going from the awkward "I wish my eyes didn't look at her automatically when I walk to the kitchen or bathroom" to now having it be the see yet another swing & miss every single day and every time I need to take a dump.

I haven't had a date in 2 years & haven't made it to a 2nd date in nearly a decade. The odds are if I ask Magic 8 Ball what to do, it might crack & poison my blood stream.

 

[His_Highness]

Cyrano attempt - Can I look under your hood? I'm really good with my hands. If it looks like you pissed her off mention you meant the car.

Was walking through the mall with a buddy of mine. He had interviewed for a job earlier in the day and was wearing a nice suit and had just got a haircut. He normally didn't dress up like that. At one point he turned to me and said "I think the ladies are giving me the once over today. I gotta dress up more often". When I turned toward him I myself did a double take..... I didn't have the heart to tell him he had a huge snot ball tangled up in his mustache.

Edit...I did tell him though....once we got to the parking lot.....

 

[Tranquility]

There are no rules against dating in the workplace, but I made that mistake a long time ago and know all too well how when it crashes & burns (as everything has done so far) how that can make things much, much, much worse.

Imagine going from the awkward "I wish my eyes didn't look at her automatically when I walk to the kitchen or bathroom" to now having it be the see yet another swing & miss every single day and every time I need to take a dump.

I haven't had a date in 2 years & haven't made it to a 2nd date in nearly a decade. The odds are if I ask Magic 8 Ball what to do, it might crack & poison my blood stream.

To be fair, I think some were kinda already sensing this was more a dry spell issue than a specific question about Legs.

Have you seen Hitch? (Will Smith movie.) There are a ton of tips there. Don't look at it superficially, but look at it as a master's class. I bet it still stands up in these "woke" days.

 

[macbill]

I'd go the Tom Leykis route. "I'd like to invite you over to a surprise party down my pants".

 

[Madri-Gal]

I'd go the Tom Leykis route. "I'd like to invite you over to a surprise party down my pants".

And I'm sure that works for you, @macbill . It's a nice signature move. However, @gaseous_clay is more of the sort you have to draw out. Nothing wrong with that. Some of us, such as the complementary woman in the car and myself, keep our eyes out for the quiet guys. This doesn't mean we don't like the noisy fellas, just that we are liberal for love, and know the quiet guys are Hidden Treasures.
Seriously, @gaseous_clay, you only need one person that fits you, and we all are crashing and burning until we meet the right person for us. Some of us are scarred for life and never get there. There is nothing about you that makes you unlovable. There is nothing about your dating history that says you can't find fulfilling love and happiness. Not having found your person just means you haven't found your person. You sound thoughtful, considerate and kind. You stop traffic with your looks. You have a job. The problem isn't you. If it were easy, there wouldn't be internet dating, or lonely people. There are plenty of lovely women that want love, companionship, affection, and a you vape, so we already know you are Cool Beans. You are a dateable guy.

I will tell you a super effective way to meet women. Take dance lessons. Women love guys that can dance, guys that will dance, guys willing to learn. You will be outnumbered in every class you go to. The older ladies might flirt with you, but they won't hurt you, if they like you they will try to fix you up (or keep you for themselves). As a beginner, you will be showered with attention. Dancers want other people to dance, and are helpful to new comers. Everyone was new once, and they want partners, so this isn't a scary thing where people will be unfriendly, or judge you. This is especially true in ballroom. I danced for years, and saw it over and over. I remember one guy started in work boots, and toes weren't safe around him. He was not gifted, or a natural. He kept it up, found a girlfriend, then found several girlfriends. Over and over, I've seen shy men, awkward men, clumsy men, become good dancers, and become very sought after, then married. They still remained popular on the dance floor, so you do also learn a skill that you have for life, is fun, and you have an activity to share with your partner. You are taught how to ask for a dance, and lead a woman to and from the floor, partners are generally switched for every dance, so you don't have to worry about rejection, or just sitting there. If it works out, you'll know how to dance at your wedding. The single women that are there and looking, want a mate that can dance. You get a good skill, have fun, meet nice people, have a structured activity, you get a chance to talk to a lot of women, there is a set way of asking and accepting, and you become more desirable socially. You will move more gracefully, and you can drop it in conversation that you are taking dance lessons, so even women not taking lessons will perk up. Try it. Mention to ten women that you are thinking about taking dance lessons. This can be sisters, aunts, friends. Just say, "I'm thinking about taking dance lessons," and then listen.
I only mention this because people often say they don't know where to meet people. Dance is good because you are supposed to pair up, switch, pair up again. You can enjoy nonsexual touch. You have another place to use your portable vape.

 

[macbill]

I am seldom serious. The Tom Leykis reference is totally gross, as was Tom Leykis himself, who promoted a totally superficial type of relationship based on sex. If you don't know him, consider yourself lucky. He was the "Flash Your Tits" on Friday guy.

A person should not be afraid of on-line dating sites, either. I've had good luck meeting people.