Need help passing drug test

[AEQfan]

Hey everyone. I may have to take a drug test in the near future. I'm looking for proven products that actually work. Anyone have any experience or expertise in this? I'm a male, if that matters.

 

[FlyingLow]

From what i have learnt from other similar threads, you need to have a huge, stretchy, batwing, basket-like nutsack to carry/smuggle a doners urine... good luck if you have a small sac though!

 

[herbivore21]

Hey everyone. I may have to take a drug test in the near future. I'm looking for proven products that actually work. Anyone have any experience or expertise in this? I'm a male, if that matters.

Holy fucking nutsack batman, that last post cracked me up!

What kinda test are we talking first of all? Swab, urine or blood?

I am guessing urine, in which case testing is usually looking for 9-carboxy-THC - this is a metabolite of delta-9 THC. Now unfortunately, this is not something you can get out of your urine easily (unlike delta-9 THC in your mouth detected in an oral swab test, which can easily be removed with various mouthwash solutions). Fake urine or someone else's urine will be the solution, short of abstinence.

I suggest one of the fake dick kits that dispenses false urine, aim to use something to keep it warm if possible - some kits provide solutions for this purpose I believe.

Remember even if you test positive that there are always small numbers of false positive in these testing scenarios, I read that 4% of all tests are false positives in one article. Demand a second test using another method (GC/MS or HPLC/MS typically) if you get a positive result - you never know your luck! If they do not use an alternative testing method that is as sensitive as the original test, they have not followed best practice procedures as per the CDC (http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/00000138.htm) and I would dispute any finding.

Good luck!

 

[AEQfan]

Holy fucking nutsack batman, that last post cracked me up!

What kinda test are we talking first of all? Swab, urine or blood?

I am guessing urine, in which case testing is usually looking for 9-carboxy-THC - this is a metabolite of delta-9 THC. Now unfortunately, this is not something you can get out of your urine easily (unlike delta-9 THC in your mouth detected in an oral swab test, which can easily be removed with various mouthwash solutions). Fake urine or someone else's urine will be the solution, short of abstinence.

I suggest one of the fake dick kits that dispenses false urine, aim to use something to keep it warm if possible - some kits provide solutions for this purpose I believe.

Remember even if you test positive that there are always small numbers of false positive in these testing scenarios, I read that 4% of all tests are false positives in one article. Demand a second test using another method (GC/MS or HPLC/MS typically) if you get a positive result - you never know your luck! If they do not use an alternative testing method that is as sensitive as the original test, they have not followed best practice procedures as per the CDC (http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/00000138.htm) and I would dispute any finding.

Good luck!

Thank you for the awesome post. I've been looking at synthetic urine, but apparently new technology has made it harder to fool a drug test. I'm specifically looking at QuickFix and using the Wizzinator (fake dick) but was wondering if anyone had any experience using these two products and if so, did it work out? I'm assuming it's going to be a piss test. My current employer has never tested me, and in fact knows about my medicating. However, I may have to look for a new job due to this industry fading away, hence why I'm looking at my options now instead of waiting til last minute.

I thought about abstaining for some time, but..... FUCK THAT.

 

[herbivore21]

Thank you for the awesome post. I've been looking at synthetic urine, but apparently new technology has made it harder to fool a drug test. I'm specifically looking at QuickFix and using the Wizzinator (fake dick) but was wondering if anyone had any experience using these two products and if so, did it work out? I'm assuming it's going to be a piss test. My current employer has never tested me, and in fact knows about my medicating. However, I may have to look for a new job due to this industry fading away, hence why I'm looking at my options now instead of waiting til last minute.

I thought about abstaining for some time, but..... FUCK THAT.

A pleasure to be of assistance sir.

I would suggest getting a hold of somebody else's urine ideally to put into one of these dildo dispensers. Somebody of the same sex and blood type would be ideal - a family member of the same sex would be damn near bulletproof!

Sorry to hear about your industry brother, hope you can survive and thrive through any downturn where you work!

 

[killick]

So another funny story... years ago I worked in a US Fed facility as a contractor. Everyone had to be tested, and authorised and legal and blah blah blah. Anyways, doing an 'intrinsic clean' of the drop floor of the data center turned up funny things like crack pipes and such... Anyways, I was going to see one of our SUN Microsystems consultants and as I was walking up to his desk he had the http://www.thewhizzinator.com/ website open, and shut it as soon as I tapped on his door. It didn't close. He clicked it again and it closed and we had our discussion and I wandered away and opened the website at my desk to see what it was. He was there for at least another year after that, so I assume it worked...

 

[StonerSloth]

So another funny story... years ago I worked in a US Fed facility as a contractor. Everyone had to be tested, and authorised and legal and blah blah blah. Anyways, doing an 'intrinsic clean' of the drop floor of the data center turned up funny things like crack pipes and such... Anyways, I was going to see one of our SUN Microsystems consultants and as I was walking up to his desk he had the http://www.thewhizzinator.com/ website open, and shut it as soon as I tapped on his door. It didn't close. He clicked it again and it closed and we had our discussion and I wandered away and opened the website at my desk to see what it was. He was there for at least another year after that, so I assume it worked...

Things not to do on your work PC:

1. Research strategies for circumventing drug tests
   
2. Research strategies for circumventing drug tests that involve big rubber penises

 

[herbivore21]

So another funny story... years ago I worked in a US Fed facility as a contractor. Everyone had to be tested, and authorised and legal and blah blah blah. Anyways, doing an 'intrinsic clean' of the drop floor of the data center turned up funny things like crack pipes and such... Anyways, I was going to see one of our SUN Microsystems consultants and as I was walking up to his desk he had the http://www.thewhizzinator.com/ website open, and shut it as soon as I tapped on his door. It didn't close. He clicked it again and it closed and we had our discussion and I wandered away and opened the website at my desk to see what it was. He was there for at least another year after that, so I assume it worked...

hahaha holy shit crack pipes in the workplace! That sounds like one hell of an office Christmas party!

 

[Madcap79]

I have a low tolerance so I don't use a ton but....

I have passed over 5 DOT regulated piss tests by drinking at least a liter of water on the way to the test. Piss before you go and drink as much water as you comfortably can. Catch the piss midstream.

I give a 0% guarantee that it'll work for you, just sharing my experience. I've had it tested using a strip in front of me and passed. Most companies will opt for the cheapest test available just to satisfy whatever company policies or regulations are in place. I had smoked (this was a while ago) the night before. Just a couple pinchies though.

Again, don't follow my advise. I'm just lucky and hope not to lose that luck.


I wish you the best.