Much love all.

[BigDaddyVapor]

I've missed you all SO much while I was gone. Its been a wild year. I know for a lot of us. I've shed my share of tears for a lot of our situations.

Me, I feel like I no longer have control of my life. I'm not claiming to be a victim. No, I carry my guilt. Trust me, it eats at me. I have to make things right, if I feel I screwed up. A lot of it is out of my control. I've spent the last 3 years, being knocked down repeatedly by something that IS going to kill me and the only thing the doctors and surgeons and every specialist for 3 years can say is... and I quote, "Sometimes really shitty things happen to good people", oh... and "Its a 100% mortality rate to attempt repair." I was told I won't, can't survive not only another incident... they can't do anything to try and save me, when it does.

I try to stay strong, I try not to let my daughter see this. I just want to fucking escape this reality and watch her grow up. I just want to be around people that understand. This place is so much more, than just a forum.

I love you all, even those that don't like me.

 

[kingofnull]

<3

 

[Vapinghole]

Positive vibes coming your way.

 

[fidget]

Big Love to BDV.

 

[CentiZen]

Big Daddy; while I couldn't begin to image how it feels to be in your shoes right now, I know how it feels to be losing a battle against your own body; and it is a horror I'd not wish on my worst enemy. The Doctor is right about one thing though; that bad things happen to good people. I can tell from your posts that the situation your in is stressing you out and honestly, one in your situation has every right to get frustrated . But I can also tell that your a good person, and the fact you not only accept your situation but refuse to let it victimize you says a lot about the kind of person you are.

On the flip side though, I know more than just a couple people who should have died a long time ago according to their specialists. I don't know what the exact condition you have is, but the human body has it's special way of defying all logic and reason that doctors can apply.

Whatever is going to happen is going to happen, that's the way life is. But know this BDV; your family will never stop loving you no matter what happens. And neither will we. This place is so much more than a forum; it's a family too. I wish you the best in your future, and to your daughter too. Your a good person Big Daddy, and it's not right that you have to suffer through this. I hope things get better.

 

[MacNcheesePLZ]

When I read stories like this my problems seem small in comparison and I'm reminded how easy I really do have it. Stress is a monster and that alone kills many in the end. Lucky for us we know a women named Mary Jane that can help us to smile through the worst of times. All you can do is keep that smile and hold on to that positive energy because I can tell your a fighter BDV. Outlook is everything. I wish you the best for you and your family. Much <3

 

[newVaper420]

BDV as I am a new member of this forum you probably don't know me but I wish you best. Hopefully everything works out. Sending some positive energy to you.

 

[luchiano]

I've missed you all SO much while I was gone. Its been a wild year. I know for a lot of us. I've shed my share of tears for a lot of our situations.

Me, I feel like I no longer have control of my life. I'm not claiming to be a victim. No, I carry my guilt. Trust me, it eats at me. I have to make things right, if I feel I screwed up. A lot of it is out of my control. I've spent the last 3 years, being knocked down repeatedly by something that IS going to kill me and the only thing the doctors and surgeons and every specialist for 3 years can say is... and I quote, "Sometimes really shitty things happen to good people", oh... and "Its a 100% mortality rate to attempt repair." I was told I won't, can't survive not only another incident... they can't do anything to try and save me, when it does.

I try to stay strong, I try not to let my daughter see this. I just want to fucking escape this reality and watch her grow up. I just want to be around people that understand. This place is so much more, than just a forum.

I love you all, even those that don't like me.

I pray things get better for you Bigdaddy but in the mean time enjoy life as much as you can.

I see the doctors say that your sickness can't be repaired but I was wondering have you tried eating the cannabis instead of just vaping?.

If you want you should try to eat some cannabis with a food that is easy to digest like some spinach sauteed in coconut oil or ghee(clarified butter) and when done just sprinkle the cannabis on top and eat with some type of nut or seed that you like.

If you don't know how to make ghee, it is very easy. Here is a video that shows how to do it:

You can get good coconut oil at GNC or some type of health food store.

Mixing the coconut oil with the ghee will enhance each others benefits but make sure you eat some type of nut or seed with it as the fat in the nuts/seeds help the nutrients and cannabinoids go into the lymphatic system which is your immune system. Hemp seeds are good to start with.

Hope everything gets better.

 

[Vicki]

I do know what it's like to be sick on a daily basis, and I truly feel for you. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[t-dub]

There comes a time when you get so far "off label" that you can't even see it from where you, or your doctors, are any more. FDA guidelines? Distant memory . . . keep hangin' BDV . . . with you in spirit.

 

[BigDaddyVapor]

I have the same thing that killed John Ritter. I would say my situation is twice a bad, but he's dead and I'm not, yet. However, medically... its the truth. He died because he was given CPR, guarantee for death, with aortic dissections. It causes the aorta to go *POP*.

3 years ago (I was 42), I should have died. For whatever reason, I didn't. Best case scenario, 3% survival chance. Mine wasn't close to best case. 3% is for one dissection (tear). I had two (one going both ways) and 3 aneurysms. I usually get a slacked-jawed look, the first time I meet a new doctor and he's read any of my history. Luckily, I'm still alive. Unfortunately, was the baggage that came with "life".

Because of the nature of my injury (my aorta is literally torn in a spiral pattern, from the base of my brain, to my right femoral artery... non-stop w/ the exception of 6cm. There isn't a "beginning" or an "end" as one surgeon told me). They had to crack my sternum open to fix just that 6cm section, that was going to kill me, right then. That's it.

When your entire aorta is torn, it flaps with blood flow. Without pain meds and MMJ, it literally feels like 1000 little razor blades cutting me. The pain from my bones, feels like an icepick. I constantly get vertigo, all day, every day. I stand up... the room is going to spin. They've seen absolute evidence, of at least 2 strokes. The decreased blood flow to my brain, causes periods where it feels like I'm starting to go blind at least 2-3 times a day, lasting 20 minutes to an hour.

Something is wrong with me neurologically. It can be tracked. Every 5 weeks, I was losing control of my "mouth-brake". It was destroying my marriage. The arguments were just cruel. The stuff, I would normally just walk away from... would just set me off. Some of that has bled over to the forum. Mostly, during the early period, when I was going at it with OF and Wat. They're looking at my medication, because they think it might be the source of the blackouts and possibly the mood swings. One thing that has helped me, is just being aware of it.

Every day its the same thing. Wake up nauseous, don't want to get up, because I know the room is going to spin and I'm going to feel the need to hurl. Which sucks, because it just leads to dry heaves. Take my meds and wait an hour for them to kick in. Then spend the rest of the day, maintaining my "meds", to minimize the symptoms for the rest of the day.

 

[Vapinghole]

Damn, BDV. I wish I could post something to make you smile or laugh. But I can't so I'll just say I'm thinking of you.

 

[Vicki]

Every day its the same thing. Wake up nauseous, don't want to get up, because I know the room is going to spin and I'm going to feel the need to hurl. Which sucks, because it just leads to dry heaves. Take my meds and wait an hour for them to kick in. Then spend the rest of the day, maintaining my "meds", to minimize the symptoms for the rest of the day.

That's pretty much my days too.

 

[aesthyrian]

I'm sorry to hear of your medical issues, BDV. I can't pretend to understand what you are going through but it truly pains me to hear how difficult everyday life can be for you, and especially how difficult this must be on your Daughter. Make sure to make the most of everything you can, and to let the love for your Daughter make you stronger, for the both of you. Much love for you and everyone close to you. And to the others that have posted here, you are what makes this community so special, it's a beautiful thing.

 

[BigDaddyVapor]

That's pretty much my days too.

Sorry Vicki, can't "Like" your post. I wish we had a "That's @#$%ed up! I Feel For You!" button. I always find it so odd, even on fb. You're trying to communicate to the person, support... and you end up "Liking" a story about an 8 year old girl dying of cancer, or some other tragic event.

Though I can say, I feel your pain.

Who the heck came up with the universal "Like" button? I want to have a word with them.

 

[Vicki]

Sorry Vicki, can't "Like" your post. I wish we had a "That's @#$%ed up! I Feel For You!" button. I always find it so odd, even on fb. You're trying to communicate to the person, support... and you end up "Liking" a story about an 8 year old girl dying of cancer, or some other tragic event.

Though I can say, I feel your pain.

Who the heck came up with the universal "Like" button? I want to have a word with them.

I can now "dislike" things thanks to an add on for Firefox.

 

[Vapinghole]

BDV, you've made me laugh often by your clever posts. I really dig your style, and I admire you quite a lot, especially now knowing of your condition. Damn...I hope to have your courage if I find myself in similar circumstances.

 

[momofthegoons]

I once had someone tell me to not leave anything in my back pocket if there was something unsaid or undone in a relationship. This was pertaining to someone who was dying (my mother), but I would think it would go the other way too. BigDaddy, I would advise you to tell her you love her and why every opportunity you get. And maybe write a special letter to her; something she will have with her when, unfortunately, the inevitable happens. I plan to do this for both my children. And your post has made me realize that putting it off is foolish. We are mere mortals and could leave this earth at any time. Do what needs to be done now. Do not procrastinate.

Edit to add: Actually, this goes for everyone that is special to you BigDaddy ; not just your daughter.

 

[Vapinghole]

I lost my mom when I was 11. I tell my daughter how much I love her every day--every day. I ensure she knows she is the world to me.

 

[BigDaddyVapor]

I lost my mom when I was 11. I tell my daughter how much I love her every day--every day. I ensure she knows she is the world to me.

You wish that you had my courage, yet you grew up, without your mom during the most confusing/erratic period of life.

I think that's pretty @#$%ing courageous. I can't imagine getting to this point in life, without my mom.

 

[Steele Concept]

Best of luck with your condition. I know personally what tough medical conditions can do to ones body and psyche. I'm relatively new here man, but keep your head up and give your loved ones a big hug. Good vibes man.

 

[BigDaddyVapor]

Heh... I really have to love, when my procrastination bites me in the ass. I ended up at least one day, but I'm not sure yet... late on ordering my Tramadol refill. Going to be an interesting night. Got a sick little girl to. Be back in a bit. Running to get her some Gatorade and saltines. Why saltines? I don't know. But, what the princess wants, she shall receive (note slight hint of tongue-in-cheek sarcasm here. she's playing up the sniffles, but its pitiful and cute all at the same time.)


MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: A smile and "Thank you, 'Daddy'!" <sniffle>

EDIT: HA! Talk about Karma! Thank you all. So many good vibes in the air, I was rummaging thru my pharma drawer and found a couple more Tramadol. Not much, but I can stretch 'em out a bit. Plus, my back is acting up (another story)... so I'll hit up a Robaxin to! The back pain will override the other pain, so it'll distract me. Please excuse my @#$%ed logic. Different pains are preferable to others.

 

[BigDaddyVapor]

Wow and reality comes crashing back down. Took in a sweet little stray a few months ago. Found out she was pregnant shortly after. She had what appeared to be a beautiful and healthy 3 kittens. Today I noticed the runt was very lethargic and breathing laboriously. His nostrils were completely packed and breathing thru his mouth. This ain't my first rodeo. Been thru this so many times, I have the damn antibiotics I needed. Got it in him asap. Cleared the nostrils. Got him breathing easier, but still difficult. Laid with him to help warm him up. Brought him back to his young mom, who is quite pleasantly, a very attentive mom.

She went to work bathing, offering up to eat several times, laying by him. Decided to go to bed, couldn't $@&#ing sleep, because of this, went to check and he was gone. Dude was such a little fighter, in his 2 weeks he bullied his way to prime nipples. Started brawls. And in a day... He just $@&#ing dies?

And still have to break the news to a sick 11 y/o.

Just another day...

So hey... I really do believe in the power of prayer, good karma, etc. I could use a little more today. Thank you.

 

[flashover]

BDV, you are quite inspiring to me really, and have truly helped me put things in perspective. Although i'm not religious (anymore), I really do believe in the power of thoughts and sending good vibes/karma, etc. I have researched much on Dr. Bruce Lipton and the power of thoughts and epigenetics, and I am sending you my positive vibes and thinking of you and your family.

I'm glad you're on this forum, and you're a very intelligent dude and know you will have a good way with words with your daughter.

Strength and honour bro.

 

[Vicki]

I'll keep you in my prayers for as long as you need, BDV. I'm sorry about the kitten.