Make Me Laugh! Contest 2 of 4

1_gr8_underdog

1_gr8_underdog

Trapped in the Astral Planes Back from the dead
Tom a 90yr. old man and his wife Sandy head out for his annual checkup. Upon arrival the nurse takes them back to the exam room. And tells them to have a seat. When the doctor comes in he says, "sir we need a full panel of tests done right away. Blood, urine, and stool." The old man turns to his wife and asks, "what did he say?" Sandy replies to him, "He needs your underwear Tom!".

Thanks for the contest boogerman. Good luck everyone.
 
stark1

stark1

Lonesome Planet
A NYC cab driver joke.

Mary was making it with her husband's best friend, while he was on a business trip.

In the midst of their heavy groans and grunts, a key could be heard turning, in the front room.

Mary said "Quick! My husband's back! Jump out the window!"

Upon doing so,

He found himself
running the Boston Marathon!

Soon he found his pace, running with the best.

The curious runner next to him said, "Hey, Buddy, do you always run in the buff?"

George nodded.

Then the guy said, "Forgive me for asking, but do you always wear a condom when you are running the Boston Marathon?"

" Nah. Only when it looks like it's going to rain."

Be Boston Strong.
 
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Dangus

Dangus

Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
b1oZgMN.jpg
 
BoogerMan

BoogerMan

Well-Known Member
I finally was able to get caught up with all the videos! Some funny shit going on in here :D

This is going to be tough. I may have to choose a couple winners and use a random number generator. Y'all are too funny :tup:

dorkus_molorkus said:
clearly you can see this fucker ripping off my content!

http://tinypic.com/player.php?v=ddj39w&s=8#.VcfYv_krLcs
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I didn't even see the short story quotes under your videos! Those were funny as hell!

CG420 said:
Disclaimer: If you want me to make you laugh click this video.
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Haha the funny thing is, I know a kid that tells his stories like that :lol: Well maybe not quite that bad, but that was some funny shit!

darkrom said:
I'm going to try this because I want some fuckin glass! If at least one of these doesn't make you laugh, you are broken!
Thats the best I can do!
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I guess I'm definitely not broken ha! I had a good laugh especially with the bong prank (fucking great, I have never seen that one) and the kung fu grandpa is a classic! Haven't seen that one in a while :)

The dog boots too :rofl:he's like "I fucking hate you guys. Why the fuck would you put these things on my paws. And now you tempt me with a treat and force me to walk. You bastards! I love you though and thank you for the treat, but seriously take these damn things off before I bite your face!"

Dangus said:
b1oZgMN.jpg
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Haha holy shit that is great! Reminds me of this meme:
CFgRu0rWAAAbSrZ.jpg
 
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PAZ

PAZ

Well-Known Member
Pretty well known, but I still laugh everytime:

________________________________________________________________________
Also,

I hate my job[via Reddit]:

My job is so fucking unbelievable.

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

_______________________________________________________________________

And finally, would you like to subscribe to CAT FACTS?

rsQ93.png
 
NinjaMindTriks

NinjaMindTriks

Ninja Vapor Enthusiast
A pirate walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender can't help but notice that there is a steering wheel in the pirates pants. He asks the pirate "hey buddy, did you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?" The pirate looks at him and replied, "Aarrrgh, It's driving me nuts!"
 
BoogerMan

BoogerMan

Well-Known Member
Thanks everyone for participating in contest 2!

Make sure to tune in this coming Sunday for contest 3!

And the winner is...okay well it wasn't that easy :lol:

Honestly I couldn't decide between 3 different posts.

So the 3 way tie is between:

@dorkus_molorkus for the kid story
dorkus_molorkus said:
hmmm, this reminds me of when I was a little kid & we was as poor as dog shit. (very similar to modern day dorkus)

Now I never had any friends really & mum had to hang a lamb chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.

Nowdays I use peanut butter and smear it on my knob instead, but I digress.

So all the cool kids at school (everyone else) would play 'cars' in the dirt but in order to play you had to have a ' hot wheels' brand car.

Well stinky mcfuckface here (cool nickname huh?) didnt fucking have no fucking 'hot wheels' brand car & therefore couldnt play with the spoilt little cunts in the dirt.

Well one day, I happened to come across (I think I stole it from some kid with cancer at the hospital) the coolest fucking car I had ever seen.
It was like a Zonda that was hatefucked by a Bugatti Veyron and it birthed some sort of bastard lovechild that said 'Drive this & DIE'

and while it was NOT the much sought after 'Hot wheels' brand car, it was so damn cool those pieces of shit just had to let me play.

I showed these fuckers my cool car and they all said ' cool car stinky mcfuckface!' I felt accepted for 2 seconds when it was then said, 'But its not a Hot wheels so fuck off.'

Sadly the hot tears of shame flowed because of no hot wheels.
I clenched my hand so very tight around my cool car, & much like a roll of quarters in my hand and I beat the shit outta at least 3 of those little turds.

As I stole their lunch money I whispered in each of their 6yr olds ears.
' Your Mummy puts yr daddys dick in her mouth and sucks it & Thats where babies come from'
The look of horror on their faces is a priceless memory that I carry to this day.

Now I feel there is a lesson in that story for all of us dont you think?
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@darkrom for the bong prank video (little smoke smoke hahaha)

darkrom said:
I'm going to try this because I want some fuckin glass! If at least one of these doesn't make you laugh, you are broken!

Click to expand...

Last but not least, @PAZ for the Jimmy Kimmel video
PAZ said:
Pretty well known, but I still laugh everytime:

Click to expand...

So what I am going to do is use a random number generator to decide.

@dorkus_molorkus, @darkrom, and @PAZ, can you please choose a number between 1 and 100?

Once you post your number I will use the random number generator and the member whose number is closest to the rng number will be the winner!

PS I also want to give a shout out to @Seren for posting that bike pic (best bike I've seen lol) and @Joel W. for the most unique memes specifically about me. Those were all great! Thanks you two!
 
D

dorkus_molorkus

Well-Known Member
Sorry for the delay kids. Its tomorrow here and I was asleep at the time.

In my mind Im the biggest weiner of them all.
So Im going to withdraw from the contest & prolly turkey slap mrs dorkus to celebrate.

lolz-I just wanted to fuck about, I didnt realise there was a prize.
Thanks @BoogerMan for the opportunity to misbehave.

I would like to thank the mods for providing me with such awesome material.

Here is one more for free.


A guy walks into the doctors with a frog on his head.
The Doc asks, 'what seems to the the problem?'

The frog says, 'well it started as a wart on my ass.'

BOOM TISH!


Congrats to the other finalists you are all weiners in my eyes.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
 
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BoogerMan

BoogerMan

Well-Known Member
dorkus_molorkus said:
Sorry for the delay kids. Its tomorrow here and I was asleep at the time.

In my mind Im the biggest weiner of them all.
So Im going to withdraw from the contest & prolly turkey slap mrs dorkus to celebrate.

lolz-I just wanted to fuck about, I didnt realise there was a prize.
Thanks @BoogerMan for the opportunity to misbehave.

I would like to thank the mods for providing me with such awesome material.

He is one more for free.


A guy walks into the doctors with a frog on his head.
The Doc asks, 'what seems to the the problem?'

The frog says, 'well it started as a wart on my ass.'

BOOM TISH!


Congrats to the other finalists you are all weiners in my eyes.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
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Haha no problem brotha! Glad you had a good time and thanks for sharing the jokes!

Looks like it is just between @darkrom and @PAZ now. Better odds for you two!
 
BoogerMan

BoogerMan

Well-Known Member
Okay here we go!

First off, thank you to everyone again for participating in contest 2. Tons of funny posts that made me laugh!

I used Random.org for the random number generator.

The random number is 42. Here is a pic for verification:
089FD440-A6F2-4AF2-9674-424D380742E0_zpsmrwnrl9d.jpg


So the winner is…. @PAZ with the guess of 49 :clap::clap::clap::clap:

@darkrom I think this may be the only time 69 was a bad choice haha :brow:

@PAZ please PM me and we will get the shipping details all hashed out over this weekend.

Next up is Contest 3 which will also be a Level 2 contest so all of you who didn't win, please join in starting Sunday to try and win another rig! This next contest is purely guess based so it could be anyones game!

Have a great weekend everyone :tup:
 
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