Make Me Laugh! Contest 2 of 4

[BoogerMan]

Hey FC!

First off, thank you to everyone who participated in the 1st contest!

Welcome to Contest 2

This is a Level 2 contest.

The rules are as follows:

OVERALL RULES FOR ALL 4 CONTESTS

1. You may participate in all 4 contests (if you meet the trophy point requirements for each level), but you can only win one contest. For example, if you win the Level 1 contest, you can participate in the Level 2 and 3 contests (if you meet the trophy point requirements), but even if you win again, the rig will be given away to the runner up.
2. Winner pays shipping costs
3. In the case of a tie, the winners will each pick a number between 1 and 100 and a random number generator will be used to select a number. The member with the closest number to the random number wins.
4. Keep it fair. The rules are subject to change at any time.

CONTEST 2 RULES

1. Make me laugh. It can literally be anything. I just want to have a good laugh!
2. UNLIMITED ENTRIES
3. The post that makes me laugh the most/hardest/longest will be the winner.
4. You can "like" the posts, but I will be deciding who is the winner for this contest.
5. The contest is open until Wednesday afternoon and a winner will be chosen that night.

Without further adieu, MAKE ME FUCKIN' LAUGH

(Oh yeah, and this is the DHgate rig you will be winning. It is a 14mm male honeycomb perc with 4 egg style holes in the main chamber. It has a few machining marks/scuffs, but it is fully functional and does not seem to have any cracks - I filled it all the way up with water and let it sit overnight so it should be good. I would have kept this one in my collection because it actually pulls quite nicely, but it was too tippy with my enail so it didn't make the cut)

 

[vtac]

With @BoogerMan bravely volunteering to judge this contest himself, there's no need to limit yourself to one entry per post. Back-to-back posts are no laughing matter. Please also keep it clean, you dirty fucks.

Now make the man laugh!

 

[Joel W.]

try this:

 

[KidFated.]

What's the circumference of that hole in your glass?

Could always use grinder grease if need be.

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

What's the circumference of that hole in your glass?

Could always use grinder grease if need be.

Don't worry, it'll still feel like throwing a hotdog down the grand canyon

 

[Joel W.]

Don't worry, it'll still feel like throwing a hotdog down the grand canyon

And I was thinking he posted in the wrong thread. Too funny.
( I am slow today and not as twisted as I thought I was )

Edit: Fuckin with the odds here.

 

[DDave]

Uh, so is that the downstem from a 14mm male honeycomb perc with 4 egg style holes in the main chamber in your pants or are you just.... EWWWWW!!!!!!!

===========================================================================

========================================================

^^^^ This web page is great for the theme seen above!
http://phogotraphy.com/tag/funniest-meme-of-2015/

 

[Philreal187]

@BoogerMan I got a joke for ya....



Woman rights.

 

[herbivore21]

@BoogerMan I got a joke for ya....



Woman rights.

Sorry man, but making light of women's rights is the real joke here and not a good one...

I really don't mean to pick on you at all here.

I know that occasionally, a guy will make a joke like this to a group of guys and some might chuckle. I know that at times, it can feel like a boys club here (I mean hell, I call just about everyone 'bro' lol). Still, do you think that women around these parts would find this funny? Should we be reinforcing the ideas of female inferiority to men that some men still sadly hold?

This isn't about being PC. Remember that there are women here who use mmj to medicate PTSD. Sadly, the most common causes of PTSD for women statistically (I highlight this as a qualified research psychologist) involve violence at the hands of a man, usually someone in her community or even closer to her.

Everyone is super quick to go and salute those who suffer PTSD because of past military service - but what about those women who suffer PTSD due to trauma caused at the hand of a man (as a criminologist, I can tell you statistics in each of our countries are similarly dreadful for this stuff and that so much more still goes unreported) in a domestic situation, not because of a war that they signed up to fight?

I know you probably meant no harm here, but imagine the reaction of a woman who now suffers debilitating illness because of past male violence towards her sees men in this community (which is actually a relatively safe space by internet standards!) calling women's rights a 'joke'.

Again, I really don't wanna call you out or single you out bro, you're a genuine contributor here and I really do have nothing but respect for you otherwise.

I would normally PM this sorta thing but I really think we all need to be mindful of this (you aren't the only FCer I've ever noticed making comments which are flippantly denigrating to women). I'm sure we can all agree that we want to make FC a place that women can enjoy just as much as men, and that ensures that this is a safe space for those who suffer the ongoing effects of trauma.

 

[dorkus_molorkus]

clearly you can see this fucker ripping off my content!

http://tinypic.com/player.php?v=ddj39w&s=8#.VcfYv_krLcs

hmmm, this reminds me of when I was a little kid & we was as poor as dog shit. (very similar to modern day dorkus)

Now I never had any friends really & mum had to hang a lamb chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.

Nowdays I use peanut butter and smear it on my knob instead, but I digress.

So all the cool kids at school (everyone else) would play 'cars' in the dirt but in order to play you had to have a ' hot wheels' brand car.

Well stinky mcfuckface here (cool nickname huh?) didnt fucking have no fucking 'hot wheels' brand car & therefore couldnt play with the spoilt little cunts in the dirt.

Well one day, I happened to come across (I think I stole it from some kid with cancer at the hospital) the coolest fucking car I had ever seen.
It was like a Zonda that was hatefucked by a Bugatti Veyron and it birthed some sort of bastard lovechild that said 'Drive this & DIE'

and while it was NOT the much sought after 'Hot wheels' brand car, it was so damn cool those pieces of shit just had to let me play.

I showed these fuckers my cool car and they all said ' cool car stinky mcfuckface!' I felt accepted for 2 seconds when it was then said, 'But its not a Hot wheels so fuck off.'

Sadly the hot tears of shame flowed because of no hot wheels.
I clenched my hand so very tight around my cool car, & much like a roll of quarters in my hand and I beat the shit outta at least 3 of those little turds.

As I stole their lunch money I whispered in each of their 6yr olds ears.
' Your Mummy puts yr daddys dick in her mouth and sucks it & Thats where babies come from'
The look of horror on their faces is a priceless memory that I carry to this day.

Now I feel there is a lesson in that story for all of us dont you think?

Im a home renovator & I vape whenever I have an erection to erect.

1st I have to get some wood,
then I pound the shit outta it till its as hard as nails.
Then mrs dorkus grabs it with both hands & sorta bends over.
I come up behind her & give her some, hammer & tongs.

Before you know it, there is fucking wood glue spattered everywhere.
But dont worry, just lay some sheets straight over it & no one will know.

By this time Mrs dorkus is all sweaty & moist & ready to be drilled anywhere you please. I think maybe there is some wood glue in her hair, but she is not too worried about that right now.

She is far too concerned about the correct placement of the drill.
We had a slight disagreement about which hole to drill 1st.
She insisted that I start drilling the slip and slide, but I was sure i wanted to drill the exhaust right from the get go.

Anyhoo, I told her I would do it her way, but then I just went ahead and did it my way.
There was some rather loud disagreement emanating from mrs dorkus at this time. but it seems she was face down in some sort study or religious rapture, so I just kept on the job so to speak.

In the end, the swing set came out great.

I found that vaping didnt hurt my performance at all when erecting stuff, but you might wanna be a bit careful when throwing the wood glue around.

I suggest you get a sock.

Mouth pumping starts at $25.

If you want it milked, that’s extra.

You want it white walled, that’s extra.

Its $85 if you want your carb ‘holed’ whilst being mouth pumped and its $60 just for a ‘carb-holing’ without pumping of any sort.

We have @Stu for that sort of weird shit.

You want stu to ‘clear your bong’?
That’s extra too.

not too much tho, secretly he likes it.
Sometimes if he likes you, he will swallow your bong water as well.

But he has to be pretty drunk for that.


If youre into lung pumping, then stus beard provides handy, pumping thrust handles to hang onto.
Alas, that’s extra as well.


If you want stu to dress up and dance around like this?

Yup you guessed it!
That’s extra!



Heres a tip, don’t pay for lung pumping if you only have a 3 inch male joint or less on your bong.

It’s a waste of $$$.

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

All you have to do is drop your pants to win dorkus.....

 

[Seren]

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

& last but most definitely not least:

 

[BoogerMan]

try this:

That dog video is one of my all time favorites! I've watched that thing more times than I can count. I am a sucker for dogs and puppies

What's the circumference of that hole in your glass?

Could always use grinder grease if need be.

Hahahahaha.

So my girlfriend walks in the room and sees me trying to place my "slong" through the center hole.

Her: Sweetie, what the hell are you doing?

Me: My friend on FC told me this was the best way for a girl to take a dabwanna come test it out?

Her: Fuck off

Me: Looks like I gotta finish...the dab...by myself

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

& last but most definitely not least:

^^this is the best bike I have ever seen. At first I thought it was a real woman lol. I immediately thought, they must be European ha!

 

[Joel W.]

I went and re-read ALL of your posts @BoogerMan and here ya go!

Cheap China Glass

for JoDa

 

[Enchantre]

All you have to do is drop your pants to win dorkus.....

Put the emphasis a little different...

If I drop my pants, I will win Dorkus?

What the fuck do I need a Dorkus for?

 

[KidFated.]

What the fuck do I need a Dorkus for?

What don't I need a Dorkus for.......

 

[dorkus_molorkus]

What don't I need a Dorkus for.......

Damn fucking straight!

I dance to at least 2 disciplines, I am bi-linqual (Aka- a cunning linguist) & I work as an exotic dancer as seen here.
Some context tho.

Some russian ho thought she could muscle in on my sublimator vid by dancing about in a bikini.
Well I fucken showed her with this classy rebuttal.

http://tinypic.com/player.php?v=29bhkdw>&s=8#.Vcf0UfkrLcs

So, ROLL UP ROLL UP!

DROP YA PANTIES AND WIN A DORKUS!
EVERY PLAYER GETS THE WIENER!

 

[stark1]

Howz about an ole, old fart joke?

Remember the good old days when the Fulton Fish Market was on Fulton St, near Brooklyn Bridge?

In those good old days there was a blind old dude whose singular joy was to take an early morning walk during the week.

"Tap." "Tap."

The morning workers would hear the tapping of his cane as he approached.

"Tap." "Tap. " "Tap."

Suddenly, with the gusto of a Caruso, and the joy of sunrise, the old man could be heard loudly singing
"Good Morning, Ladies!!", as he rounded the corner, happily tapping into the hustle and bustle of New York's Fulton Fish Market....

 

[vtac]

What's the circumference of that hole in your glass?

Could always use grinder grease if need be.

I think some people are misunderstanding what @BoogerMan meant by "UNLIMITED ENTRIES". And when I said there's no need to limit yourself to one entry per post I wasn't talk... What's wrong with you? If there was ever a need for a thread-ban it's @dorkus_molorkus from this one.

Sorry man, but making light of women's rights is the real joke here and not a good one...

I really don't mean to pick on you at all here.

I know that occasionally, a guy will make a joke like this to a group of guys and some might chuckle. I know that at times, it can feel like a boys club here (I mean hell, I call just about everyone 'bro' lol). Still, do you think that women around these parts would find this funny? Should we be reinforcing the ideas of female inferiority to men that some men still sadly hold?

This isn't about being PC. Remember that there are women here who use mmj to medicate PTSD. Sadly, the most common causes of PTSD for women statistically (I highlight this as a qualified research psychologist) involve violence at the hands of a man, usually someone in her community or even closer to her.

Everyone is super quick to go and salute those who suffer PTSD because of past military service - but what about those women who suffer PTSD due to trauma caused at the hand of a man (as a criminologist, I can tell you statistics in each of our countries are similarly dreadful for this stuff and that so much more still goes unreported) in a domestic situation, not because of a war that they signed up to fight?

I know you probably meant no harm here, but imagine the reaction of a woman who now suffers debilitating illness because of past male violence towards her sees men in this community (which is actually a relatively safe space by internet standards!) calling women's rights a 'joke'.

Again, I really don't wanna call you out or single you out bro, you're a genuine contributor here and I really do have nothing but respect for you otherwise.

I would normally PM this sorta thing but I really think we all need to be mindful of this (you aren't the only FCer I've ever noticed making comments which are flippantly denigrating to women). I'm sure we can all agree that we want to make FC a place that women can enjoy just as much as men, and that ensures that this is a safe space for those who suffer the ongoing effects of trauma.

Thank you. Very well said. I think that overall we do an admirable job at treading the fine line between comedy and respect here and that it's very much worth doing.

 

[herbivore21]

I think some people are misunderstanding what @BoogerMan meant by "UNLIMITED ENTRIES". And when I said there's no need to limit yourself to one entry per post I wasn't talk... What's wrong with you? If there was ever a need for a thread-ban it's @dorkus_molorkus from this one.


Thank you. Very well said. I think that overall we do an admirable job at treading the fine line between comedy and respect here and that it's very much worth doing.

A pleasure my friend, and thank you for the great work that you and each of our mods do to ensure that this place is both enjoyable and respectful!

 

[EmDeemo]

I think some people are misunderstanding what @BoogerMan meant by "UNLIMITED ENTRIES". And when I said there's no need to limit yourself to one entry per post I wasn't talk... What's wrong with you? If there was ever a need for a thread-ban it's @dorkus_molorkus from this one.


Thank you. Very well said. I think that overall we do an admirable job at treading the fine line between comedy and respect here and that it's very much worth doing.

With all of those things in mind, and completely on topic for the thread, here, have this bit of genius...

 

[BoogerMan]

I went and re-read ALL of your posts @BoogerMan and here ya go!

Cheap China Glass

for JoDa

Hahaha that just about sums me up. Hot damn, I would bring scientific China glass to a heady sesh . All those colors are lovely, but that scientific look always has me drooling

With all of those things in mind, and completely on topic for the thread, here, have this bit of genius...

The racist is better at being liberal than you are

 

[vtac]

I think some people are misunderstanding what @BoogerMan meant by "UNLIMITED ENTRIES". And when I said there's no need to limit yourself to one entry per post I wasn't talk... What's wrong with you? If there was ever a need for a thread-ban it's @dorkus_molorkus from this one.

I've been made aware that the humor in this was not readily apparent. If you don't get it you can rest easy knowing that your mind hasn't been contaminated by an indecent Australian.

 

[EmDeemo]

Haha, I think my quote went wrong. I'm not going to change it now :-D

 

[dorkus_molorkus]

Lolz @vtac trying to ban awesomeness.
Burnt any good books lately comrade?

Remember when you banned me last time?

I put a gypsy curse on you, then your milk went sour in the udder & the seed you sowed went black in the furrow.........

yr girlfriend was pissed as hell, she was wearing new bra & panties at the time.


BTW- you into 'Frozen' now dude?

Im so glad to hear you have moved on to something a bit more manly since the mods attended 'my little Brony convention 2013'

I was a bit worried you all would look a bit gay in those pics, thank fuck you lot dodged that bullet eh?

Mom couldnt make it but the others did.
It was crazy, @Stu as usual stands out by looking ridiculous in a silly hat and then there was that incident during the matinee pony show with the giant courgette.

Sure he was having a flashback to that bar in Patpong, but thats no real consolation once youve all been banned from all Brony events for life.

However it does explain a lot,

but not @Stu s penchant for the transgendered
This is his new 'girlfriend' they call him 'Bruce', the sexy little minx.

Massive props tho Vtac. Fuck if anyone could look cool with a phallus type attachment on yr noggin, whilst sporting purple hair & playing with girls toys, its fucken you dude!

Kudos to you sir,
In fact I may have to get Mrs Dorkus a pony outfit strictly for research purposes tho.
We already have a steady supply of giant corguettes on hand at all times. S
o no worries there.
and we have our own 'pony tails' here already.
Ours are his and hers.

Meanwhile, Ive been having a very stressful day.

bwhahahahahahahahahahaha!

Hows that for indecent??