just broke up with someone i still love

[weedemon]

SSS, you are right. atm it is massive in my life, but you are still right.

I was talking to a m8 and he gave me an awesome thing to think about when i am feeling sad.

he asked me: If I wold prefer to have never had the relationship at all?

I said of course not.

he replied then think about that. even though it hurts like hell right now. you would still prefer to have gone though it than never had it at all. And do you trully believe you will never love again? Deep inside ya...feel it. Do you think you will one day find another love? Cause i know you will. You are a kind soul....and those always find love But basicly from where i stand its like this: You have had a great love, it ended. you miss her now but you have no regrets. And now you will invest in yourself and find an even greater love. So miss her for now,...and feel shitty. But comfort yourself with that thought.

haha sounds a little familiar right? "self mother fuckin improvement" if i recall correctly! thanks again guys.

 

[SSS]

you have a good friend.

 

[weedemon]

So we had a chat on the phone today and we have agreed more time has to pass before we can see each other again. I told her all the things that i felt i still had on my chest and how much it hurt to see her and leave her again last night.

I just gotta remind myself it's OVER.

Time to focus on moving on like all of you have said. It's just a fucking hard thing to do. my mind jumps to extremes and I still feel a strong love for her.

I know it's broken and she has made it very clear that she has no interest in getting back together. she wants to be friends if we can still. but not now. i need time.

A friend suggested i check out "a return to love" by marianne williamson. I found an audio book copy. any of you ever heard of it?

here is a snippet

"I can be very difficult to let go of your perception of someones guilt if you know that by every standard of ethics, morality or integrity, your right to find fault with them.

Do you prefer you be right, or happy?

If you are judging a brother your wrong even if you really are right. there have been times when I have had a very hard time giving up my judgement of someone, mentally protesting, "But I'm Right!" I thought giving up my judgement amounted to condoning their behavior.

It's not our job to police the universe. Our shaking our finger at someone doesn't help them change. if anything our perception of someones guilt only keeps them stuck in it. treating someone with passion and forgiveness is much more likely to illicit a healed response. people are less likely to be defensive and more likely be open to correction. ." -Marianne Williamson

gonna give it a go today. if anyone else wants the link i will share

 

[sundaddy]

Just remember, when it's not meant to be, you can't make it happen. When it's meant to be, you can't stop it from happening.

 

[weedemon]

Small update as this forum has been very helpful in the past. any more insight is welcome! pm me if you wanna give me slap upside the head! haha

ok it's been 5 months tomorrow since we broke up. I still write her letters and end up erasing them before i send them.

I know i shouldn't send it, but my spirit wants her back so badly. my sensible mind says it's over move on... the battle continues.

my sensible side is correct right? I can't talk to her still right??? Also I would never cheat. im not that kind of person so having feeling from someone else while being in a relationship with someone else is fucked up and really giving me moral questions. if i'm thinking about another woman am i "mentally" cheating? makes me feel like scum.

the girl I am with is really nice. I like her a lot. but she's not my ex. (haha i know. why would she be?) My ex was more mature. I think of my ex as a "woman", where as my current is 2 years younger and it shows. Then again is this just normal? do you guys compare gf's to ex's? when you do you you miss the old one or are you like" damn this new girl i awesome!" again a sign possibly.

I feel sick to my stomach thinking about all this.

 

[tdavie]

weedemon; I split with my fiancee back in April. And that came with a truckload of financial hurt. I saw her on July 29 when she cam to pick up some of her stuff. I don't love her. I don't miss her. If anything I feel sad that she's going through life with so much toxic anger. But it ain't my problems any more.

I think clean breaks are the only way to go.

Tom

 

[OhTheAgony]

Not sure why you'd want to do this here, but since you're asking for opinions here's mine.

I don't think it's fair to your current gf that you keep comparing her to your ex, sounds to me like you're just not ready for a new relationship and this is more a rebound thing. If that's your way to deal with your lost and it works for you that's fine, as long as you're honest about it to yourself as well as to the new girl. She has the right to choose for herself if this is what she wants or not.

I strongly believe that we should learn to love ourselves first before we even think about sharing it with another person. Imo our happiness should not depend on another person ever, nor should theirs on you. What have you truly got to give someone else if you can't even give it to yourself?

 

[weedemon]

weedemon; I split with my fiancee back in April. And that came with a truckload of financial hurt. I saw her on July 29 when she cam to pick up some of her stuff. I don't love her. I don't miss her. If anything I feel sad that she's going through life with so much toxic anger. But it ain't my problems any more.

I think clean breaks are the only way to go.

Tom

in your situation you don't still love her. if i could do this i wouldn't be having the problems im having now I remember reading about that back then too. sorry it happened but it sounds like you are better off now eh? im not so sure I am though.

Not sure why you'd want to do this here, but since you're asking for opinions here's mine.

I don't think it's fair to your current gf that you keep comparing her to your ex, sounds to me like you're just not ready for a new relationship and this is more a rebound thing. If that's your way to deal with your lost and it works for you that's fine, as long as you're honest about it to yourself as well as to the new girl. She has the right to choose for herself if this is what she wants or not.

I strongly believe that we should learn to love ourselves first before we even think about sharing it with another person. Imo our happiness should not depend on another person ever, nor should theirs on you. What have you truly got to give someone else if you can't even give it to yourself?

yep it's true how can't you love someone else if you can't love yourself. But im not sure that my issue.

and your right, It's not fair to my current gf. I dunno what to do though. is being hung up on an ex like this normal? she was my first real girlfriend, and we were together for over 3 years. maybe what im feeling is normal? maybe I am in a rebound relationship. i dunno if it's normal or if it's a sign to me that i shouldn't be doing this. it's kinda scary and i dunno what to do cause these feelings are new. I do really like this new girl. there are moments where she will say something and she clearly gets me. like says exactly what im thinking without having to say it. she's really good an just different from the woman i was with last time. New person, new pros and cons i guess.

 

[Smokey]

Yes, pros and cons, it's just the game of life. You gotta work it out, with patience and time. Take time to know yourself best, give time to your new relationship, you have to build new memories and experiences before even comparing the 2 of them (sex excluded, that's kinda fast xD). You have to feel good, by goin on. That's what it's all about. Pain won't simply end suddenly, it takes time and knowledge. Remember, experiences in life are the thing that build yourself. And you are experiencing the ups and downs of love, everybody passed and will pass into this, it's just not the end of the world, nor your life, it's just a "station", life it's about change, learn to lose and re-build, in every aspect of your life.

 

[NiceLungs]

Smokey is right man, just take it day by day.

The first LTR breakup is always hardest. It's normal to have thoughts of her, just so long as you aren't wishing your new GF was her.

If you aren't satisfied with your current girl, then get a better one

I waited nearly a year before going official with my new girl as I didn't want it to be a rebound thing... But I quickly found out that like that Sunguys quote in this thread "Just remember, when it's not meant to be, you can't make it happen. When it's meant to be, you can't stop it from happening."

I am very happy and with a girl that is a MUCH better fit.

 

[weedemon]

thanks guys.

I find reading though this thread helps and you guys sure have given me a lot of great advice on here.

im glad i found a forum like this place last year

it's still a struggle, and I still miss her terribly at times. but i think it is getting better than it was 5 months ago.

still really fucking hurts though.

 

[Abysmal Vapor]

Blah joined the Club today . I was living with my GF for 4 years and we came a long way trough mostly good times. I think the reason for my break up was that we spent much much (almost of the time) together + she was complaining much recently on little things like where i put my stuff.. She even dared to comment that my bong and vapes are taking too much of her space.. in her apartment.. which made me decide to live on my own..

 

[OhTheAgony]

Don't you be talking 'bout my vapes 'n stuff now woman

I guess she crossed the line man, good for you.

Maybe it was not such a good idea to promise here her own UD after all aye?

All kidding aside though; I've been living alone for almost 6 years now, and I don't think I ever want to share my home with another person again. I've always been a bit of a loner though, it's probably not for everyone.

But the freedom is priceless man, no way a woman could put up with the way I live now

Right now I'm looking for a house that allows me to park my bikes in the living room, just because I like having them around me. Vapes and bongs are in the way what?

I hope your heartbreak isn't to bad anyways bro. Just remember it can only get better from here. You sure this isn't just some minor argument about something else though?

 

[Tea Party]

Billions of fish in the sea.

 

[lwien]

Knowing that there are billions of fish in the sea means diddly squat when the ONLY fish you want is the fish you can't have.

 

[Tea Party]

There is always room for improvement.

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

It's been a year and a month since I last had a lady friend, and finally yesterday I ended up talking to the best-looking girl in all my classes for the second class in a row she showed interest too!

weeeeeeeeeeee

 

[Abysmal Vapor]

Thx for the support . Well i can say it is no small deal.. I talked to her and she was very kind and nice and answered all i needed to know.
So main points for the brake up still are.. Too long,too much time together ,we are too young for leaving like that together (24 and 22) or no its just not working .
For sure i love her ,for sure i'll miss her.. but since she doesn't feels me the same way as i do.
She said she got tired of dealing with another persons stuff and she have never been free (she started living with me as soon she left home) . She wants too keep her routine and she finds it very hard when she it is with someone else.. especially the diets.. and stuff..
In the beginning of our relationship she was very naive and didn't know much about life.. at all she was kept at home by rich and old fashioned parents (who hate cuz i am not their rank lol) ,so i have to teach her much about it and other stuff like how to fire a gas oven without blowing the house ,like she was grown under a glass dome..
This grew into teacher and student relationship .. till she grew beautifully and became nowadays "independent woman" ROFL.. Anyway as i said she was very naive and surroundings werent the best mates for a young girl and i had to keep her off bad guys and bad stuff.. so i judged everything she did.. and she had nothing against that or was too weak to speak her mind idk.. she even was asking me for everything like i had to allow her ... and let her do it.. We'll i didn't see that as problem back then .. but.. it grew into a psycho trauma or smth... i guess.. .
It is like she has mini-me there in her had or just my voice telling her and judging her actions and interests..
Well i started to be nicer and push her to grew even more.. and started to respect her feelings as a woman (there is a song dedicated to that from the band Anal Cunt btw.. ) .
Anyway the ME-judging bot installed in her was never removed.. and is still running.. and i realized that it infected her BIOS system .. and if i hadnt vaked myself right now (i am writing this for 20 mins now lol and was very sober when i started..
More to come or not .
Lol even forgot to press post reply for another 1-2 hours ...

 

[sunsett70]

Knowing that there are billions of fish in the sea means diddly squat when the ONLY fish you want is the fish you can't have.

most times it's only our ego talking to us saying 'you want/need this fish'. when we come to our senses, any normal fish that may be partially attractive to our eyes, hopefully intelligent (but not too intelligent) and gives us some sense of 'being a man' would suffice.

read this in a Conan comic once (and i never forgot), where the barbarian said "the only cure for a lost woman, is another woman!" and it think it rings true, at least for me

 

[weedemon]

sorry to hear about the break up abv. that's too bad.

it sound like you helped her a fair bit though!

 

[Abysmal Vapor]

LOL OTA i so much liked your post that i re-read it.. and the more i share with friends that have my problem .. the story is always the same.. The worlds is turning round , the wheel keeps going till the circle is complete LOL...
I think i will live trough it .. she for sure crossed the MAN's line.. and i have always been decisive and being thinking of myself as a proud shaman who has mission bigger than life.. and is of great importance for the other worlds..
Anyway just wanted to comment on her getting an UD.. well she blew her chance hating my dog and its mates..
... I guess i will just have to replace her with another dog .

 

[OhTheAgony]

Sounds like it's the end of era then, c'est la vie my brother. Luckily the circle will keep on turning and start a new rotation all by itself, again and again, and again.

I was actually being a little sarcastic with my "you've crossed the line, woman". But when things like that bother you enough it's usually just a sign that you either need to work some thing(s) out or you've reached the end of the line relationship-wise. I guess that's just what happens. I do believe us humans are monogamous essentially, but I think only a lucky few of us actually mate for life.

Glad to see you're still up on your feet though!

So you'll be getting yourself a break-up vape then aye? That might be a first, haha. You may have to resort to France to find one though, UDs are becoming scarce it seems. Perhaps it's the faith of all logs eventually?

 

[Abysmal Vapor]

Well.. i guess those fair well post was rushed .. My gf called me on the night i got released from arrest.. and told she wants me back in her life.. Then i told her about my situation and that i will be a heavy stone on her neck.. and she said that even that she is here for me.. and everything will be alright.. and my love for her isnt dead yet.
Again this its all connected and the call of fate
When bad things happen ,good things must come to balance the scales...

 

[sunsett70]

alright,man, Yin & Yang! yeah, not everything bad is fully bad, and not everything good is fully good.

 

[OhTheAgony]

Perhaps your arrest was Karma's way to tell you you and your girl weren't done with each other yet? Luckily she's usually a bit more subtle when she speaks to me, haha.