Joke thread

[vapviking]

The Scots make a great two hundred thiry-nine bean soup.
Why two thirty-nine?
One more would be too farty.

 

[macbill]

 

[His_Highness]

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on." She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can’t wear your pants," she said. "That’s right!" said the husband, "and don’t you forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!" With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, "Hell, I can’t get into your panties!" She said, "That’s right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you change your attitude…"

 

[Tranquility]

 

[macbill]

 

[Tranquility]

 

[Tranquility]

 

[Nooky72]

 

[Tranquility]

 

[Tranquility]

 

[macbill]

 

[His_Highness]

A catholic priest and a rabbi find themselves sitting next to each other on a long journey, and so after some hesitation start to talk to each other. After discussing the weather the priest turns to the rabbi and says that he thought it was rather strange that he was not allowed to eat pork, and asked him whether he ever had.
The rabbi replied, "Well, when I was a small boy, I did in fact taste a small piece of bacon."
"What was it like?" asked the priest.
The rabbi replied: "Not nearly as good as sex."

 

[Tranquility]

Two nuns are driving through a dark forest in an old European country. It is the middle of a moonless night and darkness and fog blur the road. They are dressed in full habit including large silver crosses hanging from their necks.

The route turns into a small winding dirt road, when suddenly out of the trees a vampire jumps onto the bonnet of their car! The nun driving jerks the car left, then right then left again trying to shake the vampire off the car. Nothing works as the vampire snarls through the windshield at them.

Suddenly the nun driving turns to the other nun and says, “Show him your cross!!”

So the nuns rolls down the window and sticking her head outside she screams,

“Get the Fuck off our car!!!!”

 

[Tranquility]

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 

[Tranquility]

 

[Tranquility]

 

[macbill]

 

[Tranquility]

 

[macbill]

 

[GetLeft]

A little late but still amusing

 

[macbill]

 

[Tranquility]

 

[macbill]

 

[Tranquility]

 

[Buzzbomb Almighty]