Joke thread
- Thread starter Purple-Days
- Start date
Poostuff
Please delete
Your new friends are shit at social distancing.
Relaxed
This Space For Rent
The Nursing Home
Three mischievous old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home when an old Great Grandpa, Will Johnston, walked by.
One of the old Grandmas yelled out, 'Hey, we bet we can tell exactly how old you are!'
Will said, 'There is no way you can guess my age!
One of the Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age.'
Embarrassed, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, Will dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and then jump up and down several times Determined to prove them wrong, he did it. Then they all said in unison,'You're 93 years old!'
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, Will asked, 'How in the world did you guess my age?'
Slapping their knees, high fiving and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily crowed.....
'We were at your birthday party yesterday.'
Three mischievous old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home when an old Great Grandpa, Will Johnston, walked by.
One of the old Grandmas yelled out, 'Hey, we bet we can tell exactly how old you are!'
Will said, 'There is no way you can guess my age!
One of the Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age.'
Embarrassed, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, Will dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and then jump up and down several times Determined to prove them wrong, he did it. Then they all said in unison,'You're 93 years old!'
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, Will asked, 'How in the world did you guess my age?'
Slapping their knees, high fiving and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily crowed.....
'We were at your birthday party yesterday.'
Buzzbomb Almighty
Well-Known Member
Scrabble players save this pic.
The Stray Fox
Separated from the group
Maybe I need this?
Relaxed
This Space For Rent
Two businessmen in the center of London were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store.
As of yet the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek. In a soft voice she asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling a-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old woman said, “Must be doing well. Only two left!"
As of yet the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek. In a soft voice she asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling a-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old woman said, “Must be doing well. Only two left!"
Mr. Me2
Well-Known Member
That’s one way of managing social distancing
His_Highness
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king
Relaxed
This Space For Rent
Guy walks into a bar with an octopus
He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world
He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc.
So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin' it up. So the man pays his $50
Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his $50
Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look
"Ha!" the Scot says. "Can't you play it?"
The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it?
I'm going to screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off.
He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world
He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc.
So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin' it up. So the man pays his $50
Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his $50
Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look
"Ha!" the Scot says. "Can't you play it?"
The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it?
I'm going to screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off.
