Joke thread

[macbill]

 

[Planck]

I like children but I can't eat a whole one.

 

[Tranquility]

 

[Ramahs]

 

[grampa_herb]

I was going to sell my guns to the government but you wouldn’t believe what came up during the background check.

 

[macbill]

 

[grampa_herb]

Opening day! Woke up 2 hours before sunrise and got dressed. Made up a thermos of coffee, some sandwiches and snacks. Loaded up my gun and gear in the truck. Backed out of the garage. Wind was blowing something fierce! Freezing rain mixed with ice and sleet! It was absolutely horrible.

Pulled back into the garage. Unloaded my gear. Crept back into the house, got undressed, slipped back into the bed.

Snuggled up next to my wife and whispered "The weather is awful out there".

"Yeah", she replied, "and if you can believe it my dumbass husband went hunting today".

 

[macbill]

 

[Tranquility]

 

[macbill]

 

[macbill]

 

[macbill]

A senior West Wing staffer told Trump that he had a dream, and in that dream Trump got his huge military parade after all, complete with hundreds of thousands of cheering, flag-waving people lining the streets.

"Was I smiling?" Trump asked.

"I don't know," the aide replied. "It was a closed casket."

=================================================================

Q: How can you tell if Nancy Pelosi will be tight-lipped about a hot button issue?
A: Because she will also be tight-foreheaded and tight-eyelided!

 

[macbill]

 

[macbill]

 

[Tranquility]

 

[macbill]

Pee Wee Herman refused his court appointed attorney saying he felt confident that he could get himself off...

 

[macbill]

 

[Ramahs]

 

[Tranquility]

 

[Ramahs]

Happy genocide day!

 

[macbill]

 

[grampa_herb]

I got gas today for only $1.39. Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.

 

[His_Highness]

I got gas today for only $1.39. Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.

At least there was no real meat involved.

 

[Tranquility]

At least there was no real meat involved.

"No animals were harmed in the making of your taco."

 

[macbill]