dorkus_molorkus
Well-Known Member
Anyone else here a chronic masturbator?
Seeing as we have a thread for masturbation accessories
http://fuckcombustion.com/threads/fleshlights.20370/
& I need a new thread to lurk in. I thought I would admit to being a chronic masturbator & encourage all from both sexes to ‘tell their stories’. I thought some of your more salacious tales might help give me some inspiration for some of my many daily 5 knuckle shuffles. (that’s not weird is it?)
Ladies, it would be even more helpful if you could provide some sort of a pic of you pleasuring yourselves? And guys perhaps a pic of yr missus, sister or mum?
(again, surely im not crossing any sort of boundary yet?)
Anyhoo, I will go 1st to help alleviate anyone hesitant to share.
I think the first time I ‘rubbed one out’ I was still in the womb. My mum said there was a rush of ‘water’ and some sort of discharge before I was born.
I gotta say, based on my adult form. It certainly sounds like me.
Now considering, the most sensitive part of me when im ‘bopping the banana’ is my ears.
Hence, I have only ever been caught at it once.
By my Mum….
I was discovered at a critical moment and lets just say I could tell she was not happy.
Her yelling ‘how do I get this goop outta my fucking hair?!’ was the clue.
Closely followed by, ‘how the fuck did you get it on the ceiling?’
Then there was Grover from sesame street. When I was 3 yrs old no-one could get me choking the chicken faster than Grover waving his arms around like an epileptic sock puppet. In that instance I would be done before the pinball could reveal todays number was ‘7’.
I was given swimming lessons when I was 5.
But, I found just trying to learn breaststroke was so alluring that I couldn’t do it with only one hand swimming and the other ‘on the keel’.
I nearly fucking drowned.
School was difficult, until the hair gel craze of the 80’s kicked in. I suddenly was very popular amongst my peers. I made a small fortune selling ‘hair gel’ by the handful. My customers appreciated the small touches, like receiving it pre-warmed and ready to use & also how I would help apply it by delivering it directly by wiping it onto the required area
I often looked out of place living in the tropics and getting around in a trench coat. but when the local dept store changed the clothes on the mannequins, it was all worth it.
I especially looked forward to the yearly Christmas nativity scene. ‘Christmas.’ Fuck I said it. Ive gone too far now? Havent I?
Sorry I meant ‘Happy Holiday,' non denominational barnyard scene. (as usual I always go too far)
I would cut the bottoms outta my pockets and I would stand there all day just licking the store window and lusting over the plastic sheep that was giving me ‘the sexy eyes’ situated next to Hey Zeus.
At work, I once had a much disliked manager that often left his coffee cup lying about & I used to arrive at work early a good 30 mins before anyone else.
He really liked his coffee & that made me very happy for some reason………….
Well that’s prolly enough about me for now.
Feel free to post yr own experiences here & maybe we can support each other in the difficulties of being unable to keep ones hands outta ones pants.
For example, my Mum said keep it up & I would go blind. I always said I would quit once I needed glasses.
"Fappy" my new guide dog arrives next week.
*disclaimer- not all of this is true. But I will leave it up to you to establish fact from fiction.
***He really, really liked his coffee.
Seeing as we have a thread for masturbation accessories
http://fuckcombustion.com/threads/fleshlights.20370/
& I need a new thread to lurk in. I thought I would admit to being a chronic masturbator & encourage all from both sexes to ‘tell their stories’. I thought some of your more salacious tales might help give me some inspiration for some of my many daily 5 knuckle shuffles. (that’s not weird is it?)
Ladies, it would be even more helpful if you could provide some sort of a pic of you pleasuring yourselves? And guys perhaps a pic of yr missus, sister or mum?
(again, surely im not crossing any sort of boundary yet?)
Anyhoo, I will go 1st to help alleviate anyone hesitant to share.
I think the first time I ‘rubbed one out’ I was still in the womb. My mum said there was a rush of ‘water’ and some sort of discharge before I was born.
I gotta say, based on my adult form. It certainly sounds like me.
Now considering, the most sensitive part of me when im ‘bopping the banana’ is my ears.
Hence, I have only ever been caught at it once.
By my Mum….
I was discovered at a critical moment and lets just say I could tell she was not happy.
Her yelling ‘how do I get this goop outta my fucking hair?!’ was the clue.
Closely followed by, ‘how the fuck did you get it on the ceiling?’
Then there was Grover from sesame street. When I was 3 yrs old no-one could get me choking the chicken faster than Grover waving his arms around like an epileptic sock puppet. In that instance I would be done before the pinball could reveal todays number was ‘7’.
I was given swimming lessons when I was 5.
But, I found just trying to learn breaststroke was so alluring that I couldn’t do it with only one hand swimming and the other ‘on the keel’.
I nearly fucking drowned.
School was difficult, until the hair gel craze of the 80’s kicked in. I suddenly was very popular amongst my peers. I made a small fortune selling ‘hair gel’ by the handful. My customers appreciated the small touches, like receiving it pre-warmed and ready to use & also how I would help apply it by delivering it directly by wiping it onto the required area
I often looked out of place living in the tropics and getting around in a trench coat. but when the local dept store changed the clothes on the mannequins, it was all worth it.
I especially looked forward to the yearly Christmas nativity scene. ‘Christmas.’ Fuck I said it. Ive gone too far now? Havent I?
Sorry I meant ‘Happy Holiday,' non denominational barnyard scene. (as usual I always go too far)
I would cut the bottoms outta my pockets and I would stand there all day just licking the store window and lusting over the plastic sheep that was giving me ‘the sexy eyes’ situated next to Hey Zeus.
At work, I once had a much disliked manager that often left his coffee cup lying about & I used to arrive at work early a good 30 mins before anyone else.
He really liked his coffee & that made me very happy for some reason………….
Well that’s prolly enough about me for now.
Feel free to post yr own experiences here & maybe we can support each other in the difficulties of being unable to keep ones hands outta ones pants.
For example, my Mum said keep it up & I would go blind. I always said I would quit once I needed glasses.
"Fappy" my new guide dog arrives next week.
*disclaimer- not all of this is true. But I will leave it up to you to establish fact from fiction.
***He really, really liked his coffee.
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I'm left speechless even IF I'd expect no less from the dork'man 
