Just starting this thread and receiving this support from all you guys has removed a lot of stress (and blown my mind), even though I think I have pretty much decided my only strategy will be to just not consume any more herbs until after my appointment tomorrow. (I didn't consume any yesterday.) Especially because I've had the impression that a lot of people here kinda look down on opioids (similar to how people here look down on combustion), and because I know I can be a little bitch (although I never seem to know it until some time has passed). Thank you all so much.
I know I look chipper (and 30) in the videos, but I desperately need to start this process ASAP. If I don't, I don't know what I might end up doing to myself (or what gravity might do to me first). I have been in so much pain for so long—even before I was aware of the pain—and it blows my mind that I haven't received the help I need, considering my obvious pain and metal body parts and whatnot. Even though I have had a small supply of pain relief the last several weeks, it hasn't been enough (because at this point I only use enough to make the unending pain kinda bearable). And all I want is enough to allow me to be on my feet safely when I choose to (probably 30 mg per day), so I can exercise and take care of myself, and maybe be able to live again. Damn near everyone in my suburb probably knows who I am from the months last year when I spent hours almost every day exercising on a sidewalk/bridge beside a very busy road in my neighborhood. (I wouldn't be surprised if there ends up being someone here who knows exactly who I am, specifically because of that.)
This is mostly a safety issue to me, although oxycodone helps me in so many other ways. I mean, if I had been taking oxycodone a year ago (instead of seven days less than a year ago), I most certainly wouldn't have broken my leg. Which means I also wouldn't have burned my leg/ass/dick seven weeks later. (I can explain some other time.) Those two injuries are the worst two things that have ever happened to me. And one of them made possible the ridiculously illegal search/seizure, as well as the theft of my Percocet, oxycodone, and Adderall. (And this theft happened after I shared my medicine with her and allowed her to experience vapor for the first time, from an Herbalizer.)
As horrible and painful as my injuries were (and still are), though, they may have saved my life. Because I don't think I had ever taken opioids before that, except for a small amount of hydrocodone a couple years earlier, when I was in less of a position to recognize how much they help me (because my disability was much less progressed at that point, and because of the small quantity). Due to all the pain from last year's injuries, I've also learned that much of what we're told about evil opioids is total bullshit. I can't say how this is for anyone else, but from my point of view, it looks like the only way to be harmed by opioids is to intentionally use them to get high (or be overprescribed by dumbfuck doctors). I've never been high on opioids. When something like that helps you as much as it helps me, particularly in the current social and political climate, using it to get high is not an option. (I wouldn't want to get high on it anyway.)
I don't hide anything from the person who has helped me get this far. This person is nearly 100% responsible for the help I have already received lately. I have plenty of other reasons to trust this person, too. I want to explain, but I feel like this is probably something I shouldn't talk about publicly; even though everything I could say about this person's assistance should be universally interpreted as heroism.
Happy 4/20, everyone!