Im whats known as omni-sexual.
Ill do anything,
To anything.
I find virtually anything sexually attractive. Ive met a sexy hairdryer, and I recently solved a math problem where the recurring remainder gave me delicious chills & erotic dreams for a week.
Ive gone to say my grandmas house & have used the bathroom. While Im washing my hands I find grandmas toothbrush coming onto me. Before I know it, the toothbrush is giving me a rimjob & I have a new upload to my instagram account.
BTW- and in case anyone thought I was a blow n go kind of guy, me & grandmas toothbrush dated for 6 months. We never told grandma, we knew she would never approve. Grandma was quite sick for a few months, then she died of a gastric infection. The toothbrush & I drifted apart after the funeral.
I had a thing with a cucumber at the grocers for a few days, it was all fine while they were $6.99 a kg. Nothing like a classy bit of cucumber, but then the price dropped to $3.99 a kg & well it just seemed all so cheap & tawdry then.
I called it off after that & put it back.
I was introduced to another cute little Lebanese cucumber at a friends bbq and I don’t need to tell you how steamy it got in the broom closet. It didn’t last long, the cute little vegie was appearing in the local green salad at the bbq.
no one was any wiser to that little hook up.
I had random sex with a laptop mouse, but then my life partner 'Dennis' the gerbil got jealous & I had to buy him a guinea pig sex slave from the pet shop. Don’t ask, its some sort of tribal rodent thing going back 32 generations. Back in July 2013, some guinea pigs got hammered on some restricted lettuce and gang banged a hot little gerbil.
Shits been really weird between them ever since.
Last I saw, Dennis was struggling to fit a big enough tube into the guinea pig.
So that’s me, oh hang on. I forgot.
My beard is gay. Sure he hasn’t come out yet, but Im pretty sure he’s been sneaking out when Ive been asleep & hanging out with stus beard.
Stu’s beard is gay and is friends with George micheal, and I don’t need to tell you how many toilet doors they’ve seen & kneepads they’ve worn out over the years.
So my beards been coming home looking like a glazed donut for a while now.
Maybe I should ask
@Stu WTF is going on? or at least a recipe for gloryhole goop remover because this shit is hard to get out.
Anyhoo, that’s me.
Oh, also I have a prince albert made out of a jalepeno.
Any chance we can get a button for all that?