Today I'm hurting. It's not my disease, nor am I sick. I wasn't in any accidents and no, I haven't been fighting with my wife. The hurt I feel is in my heart. I let my heart do the thinking for me most of the time. I've known for a long time that I had spent to much of my life being selfish. There were times that I had tons of friends, hot cars, nice place to live, and enough money to enjoy myself. Those times change, people get older, get married, some have children, regardless we change.
As I got older I realized a few things, those friends who I thought would never leave my side did, I learned that most people judge you by your look, your economic status, sometimes even your personal belongings. When these things became apparent to me I decided to be the person I wanted to be rather than whatever anyone else wanted. I immediately changed my work habits and began building the teams around based on attitude. We even released an attitude is gratitude campaign with my corporate office. I finally got married and my wife graced me with my girls. I cried like a baby, I remember standing over my first daughters crib while she slept and I would sing to her. I din't sing any songs particularly, but I had so much love, so much joy, that my words to her from my heart came out in song.
A few more years went by and yeah, we had a few hiccups - I lost Matt last year, I was diagnosed with Parkinson's, and now I still having things going on personally that I will NOT let define me.
I come here so much, I spend so much time offering advice. Whether it's about a vape, or meds, or someone just needs a buddy I have always been here. I've given things away, I offer in anyway I can. I tell myself if I could make someone happy for the 10 minutes I spend with them than I've accomplished something. I never asked anything in return and offered complete honesty about my life, my health, and my family.
Someone took advantage of that, lied to me about everything I was ever told over the months I dedicated to friendship. For a minute I even thought I had found a someone to fill a void my heart, someone who helped me feel better too. I didn't care about all the bullshit you fed me, I didn't care if you were married, or had kids, or anything else for that matter. I wanted to be in your life because we needed each other.
Then it came out, the smoke cleared. You were far from the person I cared for. You took advantage of my weakness, my phone calls crying to you telling you how scared I was. My texts begging for help on my way to get help.
Out of all the things you told me, you know what hurt the most? When you said you were going to save me. Now I know you couldn't do that.
I wish you no harm, I wish you shame for what you did to me. You broke my heart you son of a bitch. I would have cared for the real you had you had enough respect to be that.
I'm sorry for the man you are. Please be gone, please don't write, please get help.
or recognize that I did that. Sometimes it is a re-enforcement that the post is a good one but IMO it is more often the former.
