> This is an actual review on amazon.co.UK for Veet Hair Removal for Men...
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> A. Chappell This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml
> (Personal Care) After having been told my danglies looked like an
> elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as
> previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly
> put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of
> a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a
> bit of a treat.
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> I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered
> myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews
> and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how
> wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and
> after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to
> the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood
> waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait. At first
> there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by
> an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given
> a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my
> head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I
> suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent
> burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of
> the meat and two veg.
>
> Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of
> in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of
> hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across
> the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible
> and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of
> cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice
> cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was
> fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery
> stabbing soon returned . Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't
> managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the
> draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly
> soon.
>
> I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it
> open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried
> in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing
> the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel
> and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.
> This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to
> wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some
> idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
> The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently
> ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
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>
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> Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the
> other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by
> the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my
> bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that
> feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a
> scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm
> of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite
> some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout
> farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't
> the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids
> the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve
> my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...