Child-free vapers!

[Quetzalcoatl]

I know I can't be the only one on FC that doesn't plan on ever having kids... where are the rest of you guys and girls at? I frequent a few sites that focus on the CF lifestyle.

Talk anything and everything about being CF!

Age/sex?

How long have you known that you don't kids? Since you were a little kid? Since last week?

Any particular reasons as to why you're CF?

What kind of hobbies do you all take up, aside from vaping?

How easy/hard has it been to find like-minded people or couples to hang out with in your age group?

How did your parents react when you "broke the news?" Were they okay with it? Did they cry and tell you they felt like failures? Incessant bothering about grandkids?

Favorite/worst things about being CF?



Me, I've never wanted kids... I don't remember a time when I looked forward to getting married, having a family, etc. Little kids scare me! So loud and disgusting and bad parenting and all that good shit made me dislike kids (and people) in general. On top of that, if any of you have been following my posts for a while, you'll know that I'm also a chronic pain patient. Unfortunately the disease that I have is inheritable... so even if I did want kids, that fact alone would make me child-free. I can't imagine myself bringing another person into existence and them having to suffer through what I do on a daily basis. My parents took the news pretty well... when I was young, they would tell me that I'd change my mind. It's been over a decade since I first mentioned it and I still haven't changed my mind. They're okay with it at this point, mom will tell me here and there to be safe about the choices I make, and they refer to my puppy as my "kid" ("hey, your kid was looking all over the house for you after you left this morning!"). They understand my reasons for not wanting a kid. Mom likes to ask me the "but what if?" question, I dunno if she understands that getting a girl pregnant isn't really possible when you're single and not sexually active

I want to say it's been easy finding friends to hang out with that don't bring their kids along, but it hasn't really. I'm in my early 20's and I need two hands to count how many of my friends/acquaintances are pregnant, have one, or even two kids. The closest friends I hang out the most with are actually a couple, and neither of them want kids right now, so they're careful about doing the dirty (we've talked about this before.) She's on the pill, he uses condoms, etc. The friends I had from high school that have kids now have pretty much been lost to me. Raising a kid is a pretty monumental thing to do properly, so I don't really blame them for prioritizing their flesh and blood over me... but I can't lie, I do miss a few of them. They're just always busy, or hanging out with their mom friends. I feel like an outcast almost, they have kids and that's ALL they talk about. I... uh... have a puppy? Yeah, he's been good... licking his nether regions and doing dog stuff... but, really, I don't care to know about the consistency of your kid's shit. And yeah, I'm sorry you had to wake up at 2 and 3 AM because your kid wouldn't stop crying... but me getting up at the same time to let my dog out to pee just isn't quite the same to you.

Outside of vaping, I enjoy low/no-impact activities like watching movies, floating around in the pool, listening to music, video games, going out to eat with my friends last-minute, staying out late into the night and into the next day knowing my responsibilities are limited to my dog, work, and bills. Not having kids as responsibilities is really really liberating. I like having money!

What about you?



In keeping with the FC rules/spirit, please DO NOT try to start some flame-war about another person's choices! We get it, you hate kids, but don't go overboard with it. Likewise, parents, please don't be condescending about a child-free person, and CF people, don't make fun of the fact that parents have kids. Let's keep it civil!

 

[SalamiCity]

I don't want to get married at all, but I do want kids. I feel passing on my genes is extremely important personally.


Sorry to hear about your pain, but honestly the technology is so advanced that who knows what will be cured in the future. I hope it works out for you.

As you said kids are a ton of work and money, people shouldn't be just out of HS having them(like most of the kids in my HS).

My dad was 40 when he had me, he was mature and old enough to be able to dive in, as you said preggo, 1 or 2 kids at 20 years old is NOT COOL. That's called life altering.

I wonder how it will work out since I do NOT want to get married, I do have a friend who's parents aren't married and lived together for years.

All the best.

 

[nopartofme]

Early 20s male CF here as well. Though, I wasn't aware of the term 'child-free' or the existence of CF lifestyle websites/communities until I read your post!

I only came around to feeling this way in my late teens. I was raised in a strongly Catholic family (I enjoy the phrase "recovering Catholic" as a descriptor for myself), and in that environment it's very much taken as a given that you will have kids someday, hopefully multiple. My parents didn't take it the best when I came out to them about it. No noise or fuss, just quiet disappointment. That's not much better, though.

I'm very lucky to have a significant other who is also CF. We are planning on eventual marriage, and we take great care to keep ourselves CF of course.

I keep myself occupied in my free time with music, video games, hiking, and vaping!

I've also started taking up cooking, partly out of necessity after testing positive for nine different food allergies including corn. I'm still in the process of testing those experimentally after cutting them for a month. Carrots and cinnamon are back on the table, woo-hoo! Looks like pork is a no go, though...

I'm enjoying the cooking anyhow. The worst part is not really being able to eat out anymore.

Anyways, that's a tangent. Here's to free time, eh?

Cheers

 

[SalamiCity]

^I would NOT get married.

One thing that really impacted me for this whole chose was an anti-feminist group I found on another forum I was a part of. I never was big into marriage to begin with, but the crazy alimony stories to did you know that women can get over 20k in alimony to "freeze her eggs?" Not shitting you.

The one reason I would be CF would be because I do not want to get married, but if I find the "perfect one" it might happen, but even so 20 years down the road perfect one might turn into devil.

I like women, but sadly I have been around so many feminists and crazies.

 

[nopartofme]

I hear you. Thanks for your opinion.

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

One of my favorite bands sings a line that rings with me

"I believe in love but I think marriage is a sham"

Take it for what it is. I can be in an indefinitely long-term relationship but I'm not so sure about marriage.

I was also Catholic until around 12.

 

[SalamiCity]

I also forgot to mention I'm in my early 20's as well.

I never was big for alimony, but it was funny when someone made a post in the group about rings.

We(The men) pay a ton of money to show our "love." These companies make so much off of a stone. All gems.

Why does the gov't need to say who I can be with for the rest of my life? Why after I choose to stop being with that person do I have to pay for my ex?

I saw a video yesterday that showed a video of a dad 2 of who's wife cheated on him before the divorce, had a another kid with the other dude, but according to the law her ex-husband had to pay for it, so 3 kids total. The law states whoever earns more... Like wtf monies....

They interviewed the actual father who said he would pay for the Child Support, but just wanted to see his kid(so she apparently left both of these dudes, nice one)!


That's why it amazes me why "Gay Marriage" is such a big thing. It's MUCH better that the gov't wasn't all over your shit.

But hey it's something that society deems as normal, I've mentioned it to my parents a few times, but I'm not sure if they think I'm serious.

 

[nopartofme]

Just to clarify, the lady and I have been together as for over six years now (yes, we met young), and in our discussions we've never planned on getting hitched for at least another few years. We've never planned on being an early-twenties married couple.

We're very open in our talks, and neither of us see marriage as a necessary eventuality for a relationship. Neither of us are religious, and neither of us feel that a legally binding contract is necessary to express commitment to someone else. The biggest reasons for us to get married are for emigration purposes, financial benefits, and greater acceptance in the eyes of our families, which are more conservative and religious but with which we try to remain on good terms.

Admittedly those aren't the best reasons to get married, if there are any, but that's the world for you. As I said, both of us are comfortable with commitment sans-marriage, so it isn't a foregone conclusion by any means.

Anyways, I never meant to turn this into a discussion about marriage. I only wanted to express myself as CF individual who isn't committed to the single lifestyle.

Cheers as always!


Mr. City, your name makes me really want some salami...

 

[nopartofme]

I've also started taking up cooking, partly out of necessity after testing positive for nine different food allergies including corn. I'm still in the process of testing those experimentally after cutting them for a month. Carrots and cinnamon are back on the table, woo-hoo! Looks like pork is a no go, though...

Well, this is off topic, but it's the only place I'd mentioned it and I felt like updating with good news. I got through testing all nine allergies individually, and it's all clear except for the pork! False positives and false negatives like crazy… It's a huge relief to not have to avoid corn anymore, you really have to read every single label to dodge that, and eating out was pretty much out of the question.

As an aside, anyone ever had Beanitos before? Bean chips! You can get them made from black beans, pinto beans, white beans… I started eating them as a corn chip alternative, and now than I can have those again I've found I like the bean chips way better! Seriously good stuff.

It's a real bummer to have to quit pork, I'm really gonna miss bacon, pepperoni, salami, and especially bratwurst… But I realized that Jewish folk have me covered! Time to hunt down kosher sausages. The other day I went to visit my sister and she had a pizza ready to go. I sat down and started picking all the meat off, and she looked at me funny and said "it's turkey bacon!" It was like a choir of angels sang out…

 

[basement farmer]

My parents were shocked not only that I had kids but also that I really attempted to be a good dad.

And despite failing at marriage after 20 years of on and off again suffering, I have to honestly say that I have no regrets in having the three that I've helped raise to adults. My life would be a much emptier place without them.

I respect you guys for your honesty with yourselves, but my impression is that you are young. Never say never.

Marriage on the other hand....

 

[Denver912]

late 20s and CF. I love it and don't plan to have any. The way the world is today in good with not having kids. Seems like everybody else is having plenty. Me and my girl talked and if her maternal shit kicks in she can go find someone to start that journey with. If she wants to handle it with me she can nanny or we can volunteer and baby sit for free. Had same agreement with my ex.

Imagine for a second the world isn't 2 sided. There are plenty of kids around feeling a lack of love in their life due to single parent homes or even double parent homes with real life problems(high work loads, disability,substance abuse, whatever). Even if people went and just bullshitted with most kids they would be happy. The way the world is set up life is usually lacking for most-minus virtual stuff tv or games. I haven't watched tv for years and don't miss it. I check a few news sites and TPB or other videos sometimes.

 

[nopartofme]

My parents were shocked not only that I had kids but also that I really attempted to be a good dad.

And despite failing at marriage after 20 years of on and off again suffering, I have to honestly say that I have no regrets in having the three that I've helped raise to adults. My life would be a much emptier place without them.

I respect you guys for your honesty with yourselves, but my impression is that you are young. Never say never.

I have a lot of respect for the incredible feat of raising children well.

However, I don't think it's a good idea to encourage everyone to consider having children. The desire to spread genes is built into our biology enough as it is, and there are just so many problems in this world that are exacerbated by high rates of reproduction.

There's the already enormous negative environmental impact of humans with our present population. There's the widespread incidence of poor parenting and the negative societal consequences thereof. There's the collapsed job market that is only going to get worse as automation and globalization march onward. There's the cost of proper social programs. There's the insane cost of higher education in this country and the shrinking proportion of acceptance into the best educational institutions.

I understand the great joy and completion of the soul that can come from raising children. I understand the focus and purpose that it can bring to one's life if your mind is in the right place and of the proper disposition.

But I think that it's important for us, as a society, to begin to acknowledge the equal validity of a life lived without becoming a parent. I think there is much fulfillment to be found in a life dedicated to accepting the whole community of humanity as one's children, so to speak, insofar as filling that parental part of one's soul with the will to better every human's life in some small way by making the equally valid choice of not having a child.

For me, the desire and commitment is not there, and I believe that by choosing to not have children I am eliminating the risk of myself becoming a parent who isn't good enough, and in some small way improving the lives of every other child being born into this world by slightly improving their employment prospects, slightly reducing the cost of their social care, and slightly reducing the environmental burden on the world they will be living in.

Again, mad respect to you for raising children to adulthood and finding satisfaction in the end. I only disagree with encouraging everyone to reconsider not having children. I think that there is fulfillment to be found in a life led in all sorts of ways, whether having kids of your own, adopting, or living child-free.

My phone keeps trying to correct "child-free" to "child-sized". I guess making the choice to live child-sized could be fulfilling too.

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

My phone keeps trying to correct "child-free" to "child-sized". I guess making the choice to live child-sized could be fulfilling too.

Yeah, until you get all the child-sized portions for everything!

 

[djonkoman]

I don't plan on ever having kids either, it's not really a thing I think much about though, I don't have any friends that already have kids(except one, few weeks back I heard from a friend that another friend I haven't seen for a few years is pregnant or already has a baby)

I got a little brother when I was 11, so I experienced all the babystuff, the crying, the whining, the difficulties with eating etc(I like my little brother a lot more since moving out), so that's not something I would volunteer for.
also, I've never been good with kids, I just can't talk to them(as in, I'm not good at simplifying what I say into kid's language, and I can't stand kids insisting on things being facts/truth because some adult they trust told them it was true), I already had trouble interacting/talking with kids when I was that age myself.

the only situation in wich I would consider having kids is donating sperm and only meeting the kids produced from it once they're 16-20 years old or so

 

[PB88123]

http://www.reddit.com/r/childfree

 

[Jahannum]

This is a tough subject to answer easily. Hmm I am 24 and a male. Part of me does want children but many things culminate to me not desiring kids.

To give some background, I have always been awkward around women. Do not get me wrong, I love women, everything about them, even the subleties, it is just that I have noticed over my life that I do not process things like everyone around me. I do not show affection easily, and often come across as cold. Also I do not feel all the compulsions that most people do so being intimate can be awkward if I do not completely sync with my partner(which is hard for me because I have trust issues and dread betrayal).

Another contributing factor is my fear of conceiving a child that has a health issue or some kind of complication(this is probally the biggest issue for me).

A big issue is also income, I would want to make more than I currently do to start a family.

So although a part of me actually wants a family, the majority of myself objects the concept.

 

[crawdad]

im 10 years into raising humans and waited about 7 after marriage before i started, glad i did. i enjoyed my child free days and honestly felt it was time needed for the wife and i to connect on a level i felt comfortable with before introducing children to our lives. so, for me it was a planned phase not a lifestyle.

totally agree with people searching their own self to decide what is best for them but ultimately life can throw you a curve ball and its how you handle it that will determine how happy you and your family are.