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stay true to yourselves
I have a very positive Before & After to share, and I owe it all to a 2 year break from all recreational usage of substances, a healthier lifestyle and eating habits, and a positive mental attitude towards life's challenges. This whole thing is typed up very.. well.. Not the most flowing piece of text you will ever read. It is a difficult subjkect for me to explain but I will get it out as best I can, because it is the ending that matters and not so much the past. Please do not judge me. The focus here is on how we can change how we act if we care for ourselves and rreat ourselves kindly and with respect.
Before: Upon turning 16 and enjoying the freedom of alcohol for a few months, I eventually fell into a state of depression after a miserable breakup. I blame my poor reaction to this breakup on childhood issues, blah blah.. Everyone has their reasons, but regardless; we all take things harder than we should sometimes and are too hard on ourselves. I spiraled into a depressive state where I isolated myself and became a full blown drug addict. Meth & low-grade speed smoked with a crackpipe (sometimes mixed with low-quality heroin), acid tabs atleast once a month and often pure drops of LSD from a vial, cooked my own mescaline from the Peruvian Devil and San Pedro cactus plants stolen from people's backyards, mushrooms whenever they were in season, inhalants such as lighter fluid and nitrous (Nangs) whenever I could get my hands on them.. Also DXM (Robotussin cough syrup) for recreational abuse as a dissociative psychedelic type trip. Smoked obscene amounts of weed. When I could get my hands on it, I would smoke constantly without break. I would sometimes not eat just to smoke more weed, and would go days on end with no food and only alcohol, blunts and other drugs.
It didn't just happen overnight, but slowly it took over and consumed every aspect of my life. I slept from couch to couch, staying at friends houses for weeks on end destroying myself with substance abuse. This is something that I am ashamed to put into words, but I also committed atrocious crimes to feed my addictions.
I would go up to 6 days with no sleep, consuming drugs day and night and robbing cars, breaking into people's houses while they slept and stealing items as large as couches and televisions to sell for miniscule amounts of meth.
Stole from friends, family.. I once withdrew money from my own mother's bank account to buy weed.
I am in tears writing my memory of the 5 years that I spent in the depths of a binge, but the reality of it for those that would have been on the receiving end of my selfish acts, and those that witnessed the things I was too drug-fucked to even remember; the reality is much worse than what I described here.
As terrible as all of this sounds, the suffering that I felt, multiple and brutal suicide attempts where I was left with ligaments hanging out of my forearm.. This pain I felt inside was the worst. Nothing I did seemed out of place or 'too far' when I felt that much hate for myself. I hated who I was ashamed of who I was, I had abysmal self-esteem, I would torture myself mentally over every aspect of who I was. I essentially felt no love. I searched for it and I only ended up breaking my own heart repeatedly and setting myself up for failure.
I lived off nothing. I received $400 a fortnight from Government assistance and would spend every cent of it on drugs as soon as it was in my bank account. I'd wait at the ATM until 6:00AM waiting for it to go into my account, and then I would drown myself in a multitude of hard drugs, pills and bong after bong after bong until I was unconscious. Oh and not to mention I was a 2 pack-a-day chain smoker.
I have now been clean for 2 years, and finally after all this time I have had a successful drug experience where I showed self control, self-respect and overwhelming positive mental efforts. I have smoked a few times now with a friend, just joints here and there, but every single time it has enhanced my life in a way that I never knew drugs could do. I had to first separate myself from the mental idea that I had created that drugs are strictly for getting fucked up and escaping life. This is not the case. I can now say that MJ is a friend and not a temptress or addiction. It does not torment me, it is simply makeup on a beautiful girl. It accentuates and enhances what is already there in a natural way. I live an organic life now, I am in a loving relationship and I have a gorgeous little daughter. I am finally in control, financially stable, happy with who I am, loved and on a good path!
and I am not dependent on anything to satisfy me. That was my initial mistake that led me down a dark path.
It only goes uphill from here.
Here is my little daughter as well, the highlight of the story. Her name is Emilie Luna
Peace out guys, thanks for answering all my questions about vaporizers over the last few months and giving great advice and insight into the world of using MJ appropriately, responsibly and therapeutically!
Before: Upon turning 16 and enjoying the freedom of alcohol for a few months, I eventually fell into a state of depression after a miserable breakup. I blame my poor reaction to this breakup on childhood issues, blah blah.. Everyone has their reasons, but regardless; we all take things harder than we should sometimes and are too hard on ourselves. I spiraled into a depressive state where I isolated myself and became a full blown drug addict. Meth & low-grade speed smoked with a crackpipe (sometimes mixed with low-quality heroin), acid tabs atleast once a month and often pure drops of LSD from a vial, cooked my own mescaline from the Peruvian Devil and San Pedro cactus plants stolen from people's backyards, mushrooms whenever they were in season, inhalants such as lighter fluid and nitrous (Nangs) whenever I could get my hands on them.. Also DXM (Robotussin cough syrup) for recreational abuse as a dissociative psychedelic type trip. Smoked obscene amounts of weed. When I could get my hands on it, I would smoke constantly without break. I would sometimes not eat just to smoke more weed, and would go days on end with no food and only alcohol, blunts and other drugs.
It didn't just happen overnight, but slowly it took over and consumed every aspect of my life. I slept from couch to couch, staying at friends houses for weeks on end destroying myself with substance abuse. This is something that I am ashamed to put into words, but I also committed atrocious crimes to feed my addictions.
I would go up to 6 days with no sleep, consuming drugs day and night and robbing cars, breaking into people's houses while they slept and stealing items as large as couches and televisions to sell for miniscule amounts of meth.
Stole from friends, family.. I once withdrew money from my own mother's bank account to buy weed.
I am in tears writing my memory of the 5 years that I spent in the depths of a binge, but the reality of it for those that would have been on the receiving end of my selfish acts, and those that witnessed the things I was too drug-fucked to even remember; the reality is much worse than what I described here.
As terrible as all of this sounds, the suffering that I felt, multiple and brutal suicide attempts where I was left with ligaments hanging out of my forearm.. This pain I felt inside was the worst. Nothing I did seemed out of place or 'too far' when I felt that much hate for myself. I hated who I was ashamed of who I was, I had abysmal self-esteem, I would torture myself mentally over every aspect of who I was. I essentially felt no love. I searched for it and I only ended up breaking my own heart repeatedly and setting myself up for failure.
I lived off nothing. I received $400 a fortnight from Government assistance and would spend every cent of it on drugs as soon as it was in my bank account. I'd wait at the ATM until 6:00AM waiting for it to go into my account, and then I would drown myself in a multitude of hard drugs, pills and bong after bong after bong until I was unconscious. Oh and not to mention I was a 2 pack-a-day chain smoker.
I have now been clean for 2 years, and finally after all this time I have had a successful drug experience where I showed self control, self-respect and overwhelming positive mental efforts. I have smoked a few times now with a friend, just joints here and there, but every single time it has enhanced my life in a way that I never knew drugs could do. I had to first separate myself from the mental idea that I had created that drugs are strictly for getting fucked up and escaping life. This is not the case. I can now say that MJ is a friend and not a temptress or addiction. It does not torment me, it is simply makeup on a beautiful girl. It accentuates and enhances what is already there in a natural way. I live an organic life now, I am in a loving relationship and I have a gorgeous little daughter. I am finally in control, financially stable, happy with who I am, loved and on a good path!
and I am not dependent on anything to satisfy me. That was my initial mistake that led me down a dark path.
It only goes uphill from here.
Here is my little daughter as well, the highlight of the story. Her name is Emilie Luna
Peace out guys, thanks for answering all my questions about vaporizers over the last few months and giving great advice and insight into the world of using MJ appropriately, responsibly and therapeutically!
If she could say thank you i'm sure she would!
Have two university degrees which are fucked cause of my pot offence.. looool... but anyway... Always have good times with chicks often ended in dramas but life is more fun that way.. Drugs for sure enchance feelings in life and make you re-create , but you just have to stay away from the dark side..
